tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24691437034804775092024-02-07T05:37:44.584-08:00To Love ForeverAmaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.comBlogger108125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-86459909936541221152018-06-17T03:06:00.000-07:002018-06-17T03:06:09.009-07:00Happy 4th Birthday Caroline Joy<span style="color: #a64d79;">June 17, 2014</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">5:16am</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #a64d79;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">Happy 4th Birthday my beautiful Caroline Joy!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_rvLJgMZ_y_qYJZrd_yzInIWtJuVcQ0jBHJ0TI_igH4mUOtuxQhAdIo78bqTRgwR38wW1wxsqf8rrB6PB4VvgT8oGlSZLj5cXW-iwh9OoJLWMdfVzURs84OZBK0cwJ5k1WDUGvaIexy2/s1600/Baby+Mulder_1709_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_rvLJgMZ_y_qYJZrd_yzInIWtJuVcQ0jBHJ0TI_igH4mUOtuxQhAdIo78bqTRgwR38wW1wxsqf8rrB6PB4VvgT8oGlSZLj5cXW-iwh9OoJLWMdfVzURs84OZBK0cwJ5k1WDUGvaIexy2/s320/Baby+Mulder_1709_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">Today is the day of your birth. The day that we prayed for, and hoped for, yet dreaded so deeply as well. The day of so many many unknowns. I was suppose to have another month with you, safely inside of me. Nothing could have prepared me for that night, when my body betrayed me. When I could feel that it was time. The fear that gripped my heart in that moment was piercing. I will never forget that night. </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;"> Yet as I look back on that night, 4 years ago, I know that it was right. It was the exact time that God had planned for you. </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">In the months before, I had so many questions in my mind. There was so much that we did not know. So much surrounding the day of your birth that was a mystery. Being a planner, it was so very hard for me. I wanted it all to make sense, I wanted to know exactly what to expect. I wanted to know how to prepare my heart, my mind, my body, for what was going to happen. </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">As I reflect back this early morning, of that early morning 4 years ago, I wish so much that I could go back to that day. As difficult and painful as it was, I would go through it all over again, a million times, just to see you once again. I would give anything to hold you one more time. I want to feel your soft, baby hair, and feel your little fingers curl around mine. I want to imprint those memories of you on my heart once again. As the time goes on, everything becomes a little less clear. I cling desperately to what I can remember, and I try with all of my might to hold tight to each precious memory, each tiny and perfect feature. But it hurts. Because slowly those memories fade as time marches on. No matter how hard I try and remember. Yet one thing remains my beautiful girl, and that is your mommy's fierce love for you. There in not a moment in the day, when you are not on my heart and mind. You are always a part of me, everywhere that I go. Your birthday, your life, your story, it is all a part of who I am today. You made me a mommy Caroline Joy, on that early Tuesday morning. The love that I felt for you in those moments, has only grown deeper, stronger, more vibrant as the years have come and gone. So much time has gone by, and so much has changed. But my love for you will never, ever, fade. You are my daughter, the one who made me a mom. You changed my life sweet girl, and I am forever grateful.</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">Today is the day you entered into the arms of Jesus. Only 17 minutes after we said hello, it was time for the tears of goodbye. We knew when the doctor placed your perfect, brand new, warm body into my arms, that it was going to be short. We knew that your little body was struggling here on earth. But you held on. You fought for us. You fought for me. You gave your mommy the moment that she had been praying for. The chance to whisper in your ear, that I love you. The chance to tell you how much I wanted you, wished for you, prayed for you. The chance to hold you close, and kiss that sweet cheek. The chance to pray over you. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht1RvrmKvkrMduyts0BIWgtlRQw-RgD9ZtFWo3O1Y6PtFkvdSXkM-0qQBQpg_MKV9j69nN-xJpbsJzWN6UEwUpNX_cqk7l7eAE7xcZoSplNgZFXorKwAI3-aKDJgNvt05HS4H8CuaPfrdh/s1600/20140617_052345_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht1RvrmKvkrMduyts0BIWgtlRQw-RgD9ZtFWo3O1Y6PtFkvdSXkM-0qQBQpg_MKV9j69nN-xJpbsJzWN6UEwUpNX_cqk7l7eAE7xcZoSplNgZFXorKwAI3-aKDJgNvt05HS4H8CuaPfrdh/s320/20140617_052345_HDR.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #a64d79;">And then you could not fight anymore, and it was time. My heart sank as the doctor listened to your heart, and gently told us that you had gone. But in that moment, we felt a peace beyond all understanding. As I held your body in my arms, I knew that our time with you on earth was already over. How quickly it had come and gone. But most of all, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, that you were being celebrated and welcomed into Heaven at that exact moment. As much as we celebrated your birth in those moments Caroline Joy, we know that you were celebrated beyond our deepest understanding as you entered into Heaven! Your mommy felt so much peace. You were safe. You were perfect. You were whole. </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">Not a day goes by when I do not stop to wonder. To imagine just what Heaven is like. I picture you dancing in fields of fragrant flowers, chasing brilliant colored butterflies, and smiling with dimples that never fade. I picture you wearing a flowing white dress, with long dark curls bouncing along behind you. I picture your tiny chubby hands raised in praise, and your precious face glowing in the Presence of our Savior. </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">Your mommy can only imagine sweet girl, what it must be like up there. I can only create pictures in my mind, using my very limited knowledge of what Heaven is truly like. Because I know, that it is so much more. I cannot wait for that day, when the pictures in my head finally become a reality. The day when I will know exactly what it has been like for you over these past four years. I know that the reunion we will have in Heaven, will make all these years of hurting, of longing, and of missing you so very very worth it. That day when all my tears will forever be wiped away. The day when I will no longer feel as though a part of my heart is missing. The day when our family will finally be together again! I so look forward to worshiping and praising our Creator forever with you Caroline Joy! Know that your mommy will be there, with my arms outstretched, ready to give you the biggest of hugs, and then never let you go. </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9yGZ3EUtJtDoUzJJzHUmk5YvFUOtxhLHdZhhKQyhHye_XemjNahzzVRV9R7NVhVtKR2WkkAD7TO8sqIO0_g2j3VFYHprUQmAD31TNl0RjwHO8gu1H-LvVqrEuT6B1GcLACI3A_nLWLtWb/s1600/Baby+Mulder_1793_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9yGZ3EUtJtDoUzJJzHUmk5YvFUOtxhLHdZhhKQyhHye_XemjNahzzVRV9R7NVhVtKR2WkkAD7TO8sqIO0_g2j3VFYHprUQmAD31TNl0RjwHO8gu1H-LvVqrEuT6B1GcLACI3A_nLWLtWb/s320/Baby+Mulder_1793_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="color: #a64d79;">Happy 4th Birthday Caroline Joy! You are so loved. You are so missed. You are so celebrated. We thank God for you each and every day. Your life has given us so much to live for here on this earth. I thank you for making me into the mommy that I am today. Thank you for teaching me so much, and continuing to teach me each and every day. We celebrate your birthday today with so much love, longing, joy, and tears. We wish you were here. It just does not seem fair, to celebrate without you. But I cling to the hope, to the promise that we have, knowing that you are safe, you are whole, and you are so loved. Knowing that one day we will celebrate together. For that day, I await with eager anticipation! </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">We love you beautiful girl, Happy Birthday!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">Until we meet again,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">you are loved forever, </span><span style="color: #a64d79;">Mommy</span></div>
Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-70868900097650047342018-01-01T13:47:00.001-08:002018-01-01T17:51:39.321-08:00Joyful Hearts, Eager Anticipation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzZA-fVcvVYdI1kDx-632b8M9h9SvwwfzKdS3knDu7ycSqoS3twHxeCnNc8A7SjpUTa0fZbOzROMULewX8NU5OCXl-Bs7Ypt-oFFxjHPOWgD5hrKUt0eZA6QPfKb3NUSFa5xCuZVfmYWuG/s1600/My+cuties.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzZA-fVcvVYdI1kDx-632b8M9h9SvwwfzKdS3knDu7ycSqoS3twHxeCnNc8A7SjpUTa0fZbOzROMULewX8NU5OCXl-Bs7Ypt-oFFxjHPOWgD5hrKUt0eZA6QPfKb3NUSFa5xCuZVfmYWuG/s400/My+cuties.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"> It is with the greatest joy in our hearts, that we announce the precious gift of a new life that is promised to our family in this coming year. We are filled with gratitude to our Heavenly Father, for blessing us with a new hope! Lord willing, our 3rd baby will make an entrance into the world at the end of March. </span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"> This pregnancy has been a precious gift, right from the very start. After waiting patiently, and sometimes impatiently, we were beyond excited to discover a positive pregnancy test in May. Unfortunately, with great sadness and broken hearts, we said good bye only a few days later. Although it was very early in the pregnancy, and we had little time to even process the reality of what it was going to mean for our family, it still hurt. The following weeks were really hard, as I worked through the bitterness and disappointment of that loss. The reality of what I had always taken for granted (the sureness of a positive pregnancy test) was now called into question. I doubted myself, and the ability of my body to be able to carry another pregnancy. It took time, but the healing came. Thanks to my Heavenly Father. I am so thankful that He did not leave my side during those tough days. He gave me strength, when I did not want to be strong. He gave me will power, to continue to be present for my family. He gave me tears, when I just needed to cry and be sad. He gave me peace, as I put away the "big brother" t-shirt that I had bought for Noah. He gave me restored hope, when I just wanted to give up.</span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"> In the wake of that early loss, I initially gave up the hope of having another pregnancy. It felt so out of my reach. Instead, I prayed that God would help me to put my focus on Him. I found that slowly, I was able to give up the desperate desire to be pregnant again, and to just enjoy the little moments. My heart soaked up those moments, and it was so healing. God taught me so much during that time. I walked through it with much more understanding (for those who have had to say good bye too early), much more gratitude (for the true gift that it is to be able to carry a full term pregnancy), and with a content heart for exactly where God had placed me at that time. </span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"> It was with much excitement and incredible joy that I once again discovered a positive pregnancy test a couple of months later. I was so scared to let my heart get attached. This time around, I did not allow myself to hope too much right away, I was scared of disappointment once again. Yet, I did begin to pray, immediately, I fell to my knees in prayer for the glimmer of hope that may be the promise of new life. </span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"> 5 days later, 5 pregnancy tests later, I finally allowed myself to believe it may be real. As a family, we rejoiced! I had blood tests, and everything looked great. I praised the Lord with such a grateful heart. I had an ultrasound, at just over 6 weeks, and I saw that perfect, strong heartbeat. There was a baby in there, and it was so tiny, but it was real, and it was living, and it was beautiful, and it brought me to tears. My heart was so full of thanks. How do I deserve such a great gift?</span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0quJEhW5TlaYUie1DUGdt_BBDpNxPYtIyGDO5GXnks2Yq3iNgVNRN80Nt1xT6UVCtf5_bXp49pDx0ftM8NWw7AHmyuu2KkAtL1LMqqGNQPVHN9NQ0tQ8dFg0_x_C9E6AWyLHN2mohow-M/s1600/Baby+Ultrasound.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0quJEhW5TlaYUie1DUGdt_BBDpNxPYtIyGDO5GXnks2Yq3iNgVNRN80Nt1xT6UVCtf5_bXp49pDx0ftM8NWw7AHmyuu2KkAtL1LMqqGNQPVHN9NQ0tQ8dFg0_x_C9E6AWyLHN2mohow-M/s320/Baby+Ultrasound.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #274e13;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"> This pregnancy has been far from easy. In fact, I took for granted just how amazing my first two pregnancies had been. During the first 21 weeks, I suffered from extreme nausea, vomiting, and just plain exhaustion that left me laying on the floor whenever I was at home. Keeping up with a two year old was really tough! There were times I was just so miserable, that I would lay on the floor in tears, wondering if I would ever feel "normal" again. It gave me such a new insight into my body, and just how amazing it truly is, to be able to continue to try and "function", all the while being so incredibly weak that just taking a few steps felt like running a marathon. I am so thankful that God gave me the strength to get through those days, to continue working, to continue caring for my family, and to try and still enjoy the final weeks of summer with my favorite little boy. </span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"> I am now feeling much much better, compared to those first 21 weeks, as I now have more energy, and can finally eat once again! Wow, you never realize how great it is to be able to eat real food! But this pregnancy is certainly stretching me in ways I never thought possible. My body is certainly not tolerating this pregnancy as well as the first two. But amidst all the body aches, migraines, occasional nausea, and exhaustion, I have never felt more grateful. I love this sweet growing baby more than I ever thought possible. I savor every single kick, and move, and flutter that I am so blessed to feel. I thank God that this little baby is so incredibly active, as it brings so much peace to my heart. God's grace to me through this pregnancy has been such a blessing, as there have been so many reassurances of a healthy and active growing baby. There was a few moments that I never thought that another pregnancy was going to be possible, so I am trying hard to just enjoy each and every moment, with a grateful heart. We are so thankful that so far, our precious baby is growing healthy and strong. Each day, I pray that God will continue to hold and mold this sweet child in His hands. </span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"> Today we celebrate 27 weeks! We have almost reached the third trimester, and I cannot believe how fast the time is going. Noah is so excited to be a big brother, although I do not think he fully understands what is coming in a few months. But I do know that he is going to be such a great big brother. I also know that our sweet Caroline is watching over this new little one as well. We are so looking forward to the next few months, of planning and preparing for this little one to arrive into our arms. There are so many prayers being said over this little one already, and we know that he or she is even now, being fearfully and wonderfully formed by our Creator. </span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwjE-PGLgPml9BrGlZaPsDLXLSW0mfV3OhE6__muTsKGfI_tAZZn4-xfrByfIZaDlvz2up7Frhp7k0nYCb4PIgLd-to4JCh6DbJsi11_cPMLy1gLyi6o91uGh0uUtE80NHoAoZ0OYfS2yG/s1600/Baby+Ultrasound+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwjE-PGLgPml9BrGlZaPsDLXLSW0mfV3OhE6__muTsKGfI_tAZZn4-xfrByfIZaDlvz2up7Frhp7k0nYCb4PIgLd-to4JCh6DbJsi11_cPMLy1gLyi6o91uGh0uUtE80NHoAoZ0OYfS2yG/s320/Baby+Ultrasound+2.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">12 Weeks</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf86QO7MpTUFgNPmN0tUkNgiSFLZ1f-g55l7fhR07Xxh3fnN90ut7fZlYDIo0ic4K_mlI-mHzmOjFVLRmHmNnvasmwBonbTgPO0vMDdoxsVT-L7DZUbETWUVDfPH_Wy9z1gxvoYwgWXFlt/s1600/Baby+Ultrasound+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf86QO7MpTUFgNPmN0tUkNgiSFLZ1f-g55l7fhR07Xxh3fnN90ut7fZlYDIo0ic4K_mlI-mHzmOjFVLRmHmNnvasmwBonbTgPO0vMDdoxsVT-L7DZUbETWUVDfPH_Wy9z1gxvoYwgWXFlt/s320/Baby+Ultrasound+3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">16 Weeks</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgoTWRiHWpb7nX-Ddr3sPzUsGxGQRkpsd-bS9KjDevA1Kjf52D1yKXXBL6aRruUg7vswsWGm_YY4eTWaIVKGtd8_ujBUsljeTyP0Ke561HC79phwRRBAhK77z0ZRrthURLIXVlZHQ-6YUH/s1600/Baby+Ultrasound+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgoTWRiHWpb7nX-Ddr3sPzUsGxGQRkpsd-bS9KjDevA1Kjf52D1yKXXBL6aRruUg7vswsWGm_YY4eTWaIVKGtd8_ujBUsljeTyP0Ke561HC79phwRRBAhK77z0ZRrthURLIXVlZHQ-6YUH/s320/Baby+Ultrasound+4.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">20 Weeks</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAC_CEV9ItHk6dF8uWDkifVaX4saD7hO7owPkmpEYkbbqKaMMEohqpMhOBe5vuw_uonAkSQrp8MxNzAGOz032dqGGlIgJbBeEObL7P3IwcIfsTz-hej7j0VdO6z-TJvmwVXNWsdkBsBRW3/s1600/Baby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAC_CEV9ItHk6dF8uWDkifVaX4saD7hO7owPkmpEYkbbqKaMMEohqpMhOBe5vuw_uonAkSQrp8MxNzAGOz032dqGGlIgJbBeEObL7P3IwcIfsTz-hej7j0VdO6z-TJvmwVXNWsdkBsBRW3/s320/Baby.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4y0ShAqbheRA8hYbP7St_KarJUr2shHWHT2qaaTlo4-ZiQWwA6JOrdEnpvOnRQhsP6beKzeE7MnqgjAefbBTZkcP4yIX8I9qoEtyDWn-DH_rwxJ25mUDz36bif5NBdD90Z-V7CCgX4_Jv/s1600/Noah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4y0ShAqbheRA8hYbP7St_KarJUr2shHWHT2qaaTlo4-ZiQWwA6JOrdEnpvOnRQhsP6beKzeE7MnqgjAefbBTZkcP4yIX8I9qoEtyDWn-DH_rwxJ25mUDz36bif5NBdD90Z-V7CCgX4_Jv/s320/Noah.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #274e13;"> </span><span style="color: #274e13;"> Our hearts are so full! Even in the midst of darkness, pain, and loss, God has walked beside us. Our journey to becoming parents, having a family, has been far from easy. It has been so much more difficult than I ever could have imagined. My eyes have been opened to a world filled with hopeful hearts, eager anticipation, long and painful waiting, disappointing negatives, devastating loss, heartbreaking diagnosis, and tearful goodbyes. This is a journey that I wish no mother should ever have to walk. But I do know, that God does have a plan. Even in the darkest moments, when you wonder what that plan could ever be. Even in the moments where you wonder if it will ever happen for you. Even in the moments where you could scream so loud it hurts, because you do not want to say that good bye, or accept that reality. Even in the never ending tears. Even in the numbness. Even in the broken moments, when hope feels completely and utterly out of your reach. God Is There. God still loves you. God Is Holding YOU. Do not ever forget that. Cling to Him, even when it feels beyond your grasp. Because He will NEVER let go of YOU, His precious child. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span></div>
Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-77338273294225089262017-06-20T13:34:00.002-07:002017-06-20T13:34:25.748-07:00In Her Honor<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibkJ08JY4ccjdBNcCMgkCcNxmm3-GsDRuDleHOBMjfGmj_FYVSBOk8Druc6ddPHkfUUDUbpgSRFk48sYpbn-002pEzwl__Iw48oV5lvjkKTWur2ilEMq3U-fdPCkp816aDCqYsJnpDE1v-/s1600/20170617_102938.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibkJ08JY4ccjdBNcCMgkCcNxmm3-GsDRuDleHOBMjfGmj_FYVSBOk8Druc6ddPHkfUUDUbpgSRFk48sYpbn-002pEzwl__Iw48oV5lvjkKTWur2ilEMq3U-fdPCkp816aDCqYsJnpDE1v-/s320/20170617_102938.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHN7amOAsSrUCm7D5XQLogcl5XVeztuPdG0oeY342VyyUIgz05ALV21q0yPeMEyhLb9OPV6d6N8iLa0-OYBVi4SVP34mDh8RPz5apNaaDEgd7s2XTL21b-v0SILeOlDPCv9BLluMgliLjx/s1600/20170617_102932.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHN7amOAsSrUCm7D5XQLogcl5XVeztuPdG0oeY342VyyUIgz05ALV21q0yPeMEyhLb9OPV6d6N8iLa0-OYBVi4SVP34mDh8RPz5apNaaDEgd7s2XTL21b-v0SILeOlDPCv9BLluMgliLjx/s320/20170617_102932.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Knowing that Caroline's 3rd birthday was approaching, I was praying that God would lead me to a special way that we could serve others in her honor. About a week before her birthday, that prayer was answered! I was so excited to hear about a Life Walk that was happening on the exact morning of her birthday. It was truly an answer from God! The walk happened at Allendale Community Park, and was put on by the Lakeshore Pregnancy Center. </span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> When we received Caroline's diagnosis, one of the first options given to us was to terminate the pregnancy. Josh and I both knew immediately that it was never an option for our family, for our baby. We strongly believe that God has a plan and a purpose for each and every precious life, no matter how long or how short their time is here on earth. Choosing life for our baby never felt like a choice. However, I do know that there are many people who are faced with a pregnancy that is not planned. Many who are ready to bring a new life into this world, but do not have the resources or funds to provide for that child. Many who feel trapped, and do not believe they have any other options. So the ministry of the Lakeshore Pregnancy Center, which provides resources, classes, ultrasounds, and guidance is so needed. The work that they do each day is so important. </span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Every single life has a purpose. Every single life has value. Every single life is special, precious, and important. My hope is that by participating in life walk, we were able to celebrate the value of human life. I strongly believe that Caroline's life is a testimony of our Creator, who has a purpose and a plan for each life. We know that God has a purpose for our sweet girl, and although we will never fully understand why she had to be taken away from us so soon, we do trust that His plan for her life is still at work each and every day. Being able to celebrate her life by taking part in this life walk was such a special way to celebrate her birthday. </span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> The walk was held early on Saturday morning, June 17. We were able to join others in a celebration for life, as we walked about 1.5 miles around Allendale. The early morning had brought lots of rain and even a thunderstorm, but the storms had blown over by the time we met for the walk. It was humid, and sticky, but it was so special to walk alongside of our wonderful friends and family that morning. What a blessing to know how much they love Caroline along with us! Our little Noah walked almost the entire walk all by himself! It was a perfect morning to celebrate life, and to celebrate Caroline. </span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I also wanted to say a huge thank you to all of those who remembered Caroline along with us on her birthday. There will never be enough words to fully express how much I appreciate all of the love and support that was showered on us. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart to all of those who took the time to text or call me, to say Caroline's name aloud, to wish her a happy birthday, and to reassure my mommy heart that she is remembered and loved and celebrated. Thank you so much to all of the beautiful people who came out on that early Saturday morning to walk alongside of us at the life walk. Wow! I cannot even begin to express how much it truly meant to Josh and I to have you there with us. Thank you for celebrating Caroline with us in such a tangible way! I am so glad that the rain stopped before we started walking! We have so many many special people in our life, and we continue to see the hands and feet of Jesus at work through all of you. Thank you!</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I continue to be overwhelmed by the beautiful outpouring of support from those who read my blog, and comment on my posts. You will never know how much all of your comments touch my heart. Thank you for encouraging me. Above all, thank you so much for the prayers. The day was completely bittersweet, filled with happy memories, and celebration of Caroline's precious life. But it was also filled with tears, grief, aching hearts, and a flood of emotions. Knowing that we were being covered in prayers meant so much. </span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> We serve such an amazing God! As I look back over the past 3 years, I can see how far we have come. Each and every day since we said goodbye to Caroline, has been filled with its own challenges and its own struggles. We have experienced happiness beyond measure, smiles that reach our ears, laughter that fills our home, hope that has been fulfilled, and hearts that are content. We have also experienced sorrow beyond measure, tears that seem to never end, conflicting emotions, overwhelming grief, empty arms, and the desperate pleas for things to be different. So much emotion, so many experiences, so many memories. So much has happened in just 3 short years. We have experienced the greatest heartbreak, and yet we are still standing. We have said goodbye, and yet we know that one day we will once again say hello. We have lost so much, yet we have gained immeasurably more. We can say with all of our hearts, that in the good times and in the really really hard times, God has never left our side. He is with us always. And we know that He will continue to stand beside us in the years to come, as we navigate the grief, the joy, the laughter, and the pain.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFlHGD5ssH0vRNGimygKehRTU4A27hrME_XtNBbIrqGeEz8km4dSnGBCqHyXmP2ms-BlMCoxTq6FNmkOikjnMbxUSoxYZJz2NfTm0tlabaNpZWlWyXfFVIW-2kgvims3V-A_jPRDN3Kftg/s1600/20170617_103107.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFlHGD5ssH0vRNGimygKehRTU4A27hrME_XtNBbIrqGeEz8km4dSnGBCqHyXmP2ms-BlMCoxTq6FNmkOikjnMbxUSoxYZJz2NfTm0tlabaNpZWlWyXfFVIW-2kgvims3V-A_jPRDN3Kftg/s320/20170617_103107.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLEHEI6StBVXNYzlWaA6E4-zSFUipK-TtVpe2mg4SCL8taHQN3ztt2-q4f2sqasVkA6PkC-UzSG580zAsCHy9zsp9D06D-OMEeuM5Xzsbbw3CKEVD039NWhkSbPVUYNsWq1WVy_BNq1uWH/s1600/20170617_103131.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLEHEI6StBVXNYzlWaA6E4-zSFUipK-TtVpe2mg4SCL8taHQN3ztt2-q4f2sqasVkA6PkC-UzSG580zAsCHy9zsp9D06D-OMEeuM5Xzsbbw3CKEVD039NWhkSbPVUYNsWq1WVy_BNq1uWH/s320/20170617_103131.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-6423199030455434192017-06-17T14:36:00.000-07:002017-06-17T16:51:55.005-07:00Happy 3rd Birthday Caroline Joy!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbxdaISO2qoKjBebdMA1PsdM86nt6MrSmtAygOlC9IaKgcQYHnW5tlps8B_qodCgS5bzRAodzE2hThyCZsn5YLtfW-LsEcs9pAU-bLxI1uOkqV5XG_TmtMZbwnkUyWiX38a-qEAblErYXM/s1600/20170616_154126.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbxdaISO2qoKjBebdMA1PsdM86nt6MrSmtAygOlC9IaKgcQYHnW5tlps8B_qodCgS5bzRAodzE2hThyCZsn5YLtfW-LsEcs9pAU-bLxI1uOkqV5XG_TmtMZbwnkUyWiX38a-qEAblErYXM/s320/20170616_154126.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEVFuVdR-BZIU_TY5t_FH6EvVaX-ed-gxlQtUKO4P9TD1Wuh87dJzHDaHioTEPSPnnyizaM1D-1mqwDkUgMlXj-cJf9BLU7jaTfLccO8_oYjPZz63y5Lt6w_8qoWcPVW3hW7zqKLX45fym/s1600/20170616_154127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEVFuVdR-BZIU_TY5t_FH6EvVaX-ed-gxlQtUKO4P9TD1Wuh87dJzHDaHioTEPSPnnyizaM1D-1mqwDkUgMlXj-cJf9BLU7jaTfLccO8_oYjPZz63y5Lt6w_8qoWcPVW3hW7zqKLX45fym/s320/20170616_154127.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-O-EJHV3EXIND1grZqBvavc9k5HHJz9nqZCeaQsXIMgfhQflBHH26BLv-QahvRu5kJk3M-tY5W4nAL4v4FZHyKQE_v7tXRJT7tYokOAV1jm7Fgcdyl1arE5WKacXR62SPNGyheKuLVscY/s1600/20170616_154128.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-O-EJHV3EXIND1grZqBvavc9k5HHJz9nqZCeaQsXIMgfhQflBHH26BLv-QahvRu5kJk3M-tY5W4nAL4v4FZHyKQE_v7tXRJT7tYokOAV1jm7Fgcdyl1arE5WKacXR62SPNGyheKuLVscY/s320/20170616_154128.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbkL1efNJ37voyKkBs91ihcUoP_Pe-w92Ipyp9unC5eNJmpcwde07XVip4D5SmuA0b-tT7jH3B8SULxu1RJvQPfrayKVu0Ub2dn3CxoQh8ZGpd59vLrF6OBHPHRAoSUa1soacBHeJ5PfPt/s1600/20170616_163552.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbkL1efNJ37voyKkBs91ihcUoP_Pe-w92Ipyp9unC5eNJmpcwde07XVip4D5SmuA0b-tT7jH3B8SULxu1RJvQPfrayKVu0Ub2dn3CxoQh8ZGpd59vLrF6OBHPHRAoSUa1soacBHeJ5PfPt/s320/20170616_163552.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJOyaDZmeQMn8cD4G78-LLx59K1RmKQyS74yZBxo7HH1uNC-w0XTmXLDT7lkHzedAWzRp165zrddGacWq7E3hNrljJY6ffzbzFXQv-JaVaZ2MWJX0hOayFssncQVo90AeanYwFhSxebKAD/s1600/20170616_163625.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJOyaDZmeQMn8cD4G78-LLx59K1RmKQyS74yZBxo7HH1uNC-w0XTmXLDT7lkHzedAWzRp165zrddGacWq7E3hNrljJY6ffzbzFXQv-JaVaZ2MWJX0hOayFssncQVo90AeanYwFhSxebKAD/s320/20170616_163625.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Dear Caroline,</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Happy 3rd Birthday!!! What a very special day that we can celebrate a very special little girl! Your mommy cannot believe that we are celebrating your third birthday today. Oh my sweet girl, it feels like just yesterday that I was holding you in my arms. Whispering my love into your tiny ears, and feeling your silky hair on my fingers. It feels like just yesterday, when we said hello and good bye in one eternal breath. Now here we are, three years later, celebrating your life, and the love that we have for you, always. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Last night was full of tears, as I thought back to that night before your birth. I relived each and every detail of those moments, when I was still holding you safely inside. I missed you deeply last night, with each and every breath that I took, wishing with all of my heart that you could come back into my arms once again. I would give anything for just one more minute with you. Oh how much I miss you. How much my heart longs to feel whole again. How much my arms ache to feel full, with a weight that only you can fill. How much I want to celebrate this day, and every day, with you here beside us. How much I wish for the silence to be filled with your little voice, and your squeals of laughter. How much I want to discover who you are, what you would look like, and who your friends would be. How much I wish to see you love on your little brother, and be there as you grow up together. How much I wish I could see the special bond that you would share with your daddy. How much my mommy heart hurts for all of those things, and so much more. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> But. Joy comes in the morning! As I awoke at 5am this morning, I watched the clock move slowly to the time of your birth. Those precious minutes when your daddy and I met you for the first time. And as I watched those minutes tick by, I smiled. I actually smiled. Your life, your gentle entrance into this world, and the peace filled moment when you slipped away, and went straight into the arms of our Heavenly Father, were so beautiful. It leaves me filled with pride, that I get to be your mom. This year, the hurt is a little less, and the joy is a little more. This morning, as I rejoiced in that moment when I first became a mom, it felt so good. I felt light, and happy, really truly happy. It does not mean that I miss you any less, or that the hole I have in my heart has gotten any smaller. It never will. Yet today I felt thankful, and joyful, and hopeful. God is so good! He has blessed me, over and over and over again. He is good to me. He is good to our family. He is good to you. Three years ago was the best and the worst day of my life. And I am forever changed because of that day. Because of you. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"> I think of you, each moment of each day. Wishing that I could just look down at my belly once again, and feel you growing inside of me. This week, I am so thankful for the warm summer sunshine, when Noah and I could go and visit your special place. We picked out a pink pinwheel, just for you. As we watched it spin in the gentle breeze, I told your little brother all about you. We talked about what you looked like, how much we miss you, and all of the things we dream you might be doing in Heaven. What a joy to watch your little brother's eyes light up when he hears your name. What a joy that each night, as we sing Jesus Loves Me, Noah cuddles up in my arms, and I have a moment to picture both of my babies, who are so loved by Jesus. What a joy to know that I am a mommy to two beautiful babies, that I love with all of my heart. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVHxccVcVbtV4DNORJhCdggWqpI2Rv_yxK8BrNz4c7fX3f4fzTj3xcjlKcdkrDSmI1Y2yEpkt0B7a9oP_Vlb2do7Jk1qeek5kwcNYEudkMOnwHJhmQcA50hrhr6OfhDqmZ4HWPnMZO-N_-/s1600/20170617_172723.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVHxccVcVbtV4DNORJhCdggWqpI2Rv_yxK8BrNz4c7fX3f4fzTj3xcjlKcdkrDSmI1Y2yEpkt0B7a9oP_Vlb2do7Jk1qeek5kwcNYEudkMOnwHJhmQcA50hrhr6OfhDqmZ4HWPnMZO-N_-/s200/20170617_172723.jpg" width="150" /></a><span style="color: magenta; font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"> </span> <span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My sweet girl, as much as I wish with all of my heart that you were here on your birthday, and that we could celebrate with you here in our arms. I rejoice in knowing that you are safe, loved, and held in Heaven. Your mommy looks so forward to that day, when we will be reunited forever in Heaven. The day when there will be no more tears, and when every knee will bow in worship. The day when I will meet our Savior, face to face. The day when our family will once again be whole, and my heart will no longer feel the missing piece that only you can fill. The day when we will be together forever. The day when there will be no more death, no more sorrow, no more pain, and no more fear. Oh I look forward to that day with all of my heart! I rejoice in the promise that this life is just a short amount of time, compared to the eternity we will spend together in Heaven. What a glorious day that will be! Your mommy looks forward to that day with all of her heart! </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> So today, we will celebrate your life with joy, and remember you with tears and smiles. We will miss you beyond what words can express. We will praise God for your life, and that we were given such precious time with you. We will cling to the promise of that glorious day, which is yet to come. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Happy 3rd Birthday my Caroline Joy! Your mommy will celebrate today with tears, and love, and joy in my heart. Your mommy will miss you, and long for you with each breath that I take. Your mommy promises to continue to speak your name, share your story, and continue to live a life that would make you proud. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Today I pray that you would know just how much that I love you, and that you would know how much your family wishes that you were here with us, to celebrate your three years of life. We miss you always, and love you deeply. Happy Birthday to you my sweet girl, mommy loves you from the very bottom of my heart. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Until we meet again,</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> with all of my love, tears, and heart,</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mommy</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSUo3PU-CwwIbXGuqMKJVvM_SBRCiE_kxgvCsNc5LglSzOqZpEI1oTWfixoCNWS4G4HjrbJVmnx3zheukwfcUEYm6B8UALjUQLDgCagsmyhavWISsauhnuHbjxWjssy19TGFtyfmztIGBn/s1600/20170615_155143.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSUo3PU-CwwIbXGuqMKJVvM_SBRCiE_kxgvCsNc5LglSzOqZpEI1oTWfixoCNWS4G4HjrbJVmnx3zheukwfcUEYm6B8UALjUQLDgCagsmyhavWISsauhnuHbjxWjssy19TGFtyfmztIGBn/s320/20170615_155143.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuNbueXxU3ryHvJNa0T-Mz9OJYYZH1fWfrDxic1xX03WjiBWtt9OwQ_eCvLFS-C2hQLC07CwY3yfLpJ-i2ZgHB095m9kA8950bR5te4Rf9BszvR3v23PXf-Cw3LQLcbhfB5z6tUOpsVQOb/s1600/20170615_155042.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuNbueXxU3ryHvJNa0T-Mz9OJYYZH1fWfrDxic1xX03WjiBWtt9OwQ_eCvLFS-C2hQLC07CwY3yfLpJ-i2ZgHB095m9kA8950bR5te4Rf9BszvR3v23PXf-Cw3LQLcbhfB5z6tUOpsVQOb/s320/20170615_155042.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-dglLpBMeHdHX6r1ZK4MhdgQAp8WW8A1Xy6Tdop2zZsJTL4q39qjnR8giwcwm9rELCEF_1MN6F_qAXsc6u_MLzn7X7Vqzn5VnDQd7Dqi9IYAb32PM8-OrtUz704ilb8ShdpEhFOxUH5mS/s1600/20170615_155430.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-dglLpBMeHdHX6r1ZK4MhdgQAp8WW8A1Xy6Tdop2zZsJTL4q39qjnR8giwcwm9rELCEF_1MN6F_qAXsc6u_MLzn7X7Vqzn5VnDQd7Dqi9IYAb32PM8-OrtUz704ilb8ShdpEhFOxUH5mS/s320/20170615_155430.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="wpb_text_column wpb_content_element " style="background-color: #fffdef; box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 2px; line-height: 24.99px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="wpb_wrapper" style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; line-height: 24.99px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day when Heaven was filled with His praises</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day when sin was as black as could be</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dwelt among men, my example is He</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Word became flesh and the light shined among us</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His glory revealed</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day they nailed Him to die on a tree</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Suffering anguish, despised and rejected</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And took the nails for me</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Living, He loved me</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dying, He saved me</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Buried, He carried my sins far away</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rising, He justified freely forever</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day He’s coming</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh glorious day, oh glorious day</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="wpb_text_column wpb_content_element " style="background-color: #fffdef; box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 2px; line-height: 24.99px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="wpb_wrapper" style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; line-height: 24.99px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day the grave could conceal Him no longer</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day the stone rolled away from the door</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then He arose, over death He had conquered</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From rising again</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Living, He loved me</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dying, He saved me</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Buried, He carried my sins far away</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rising, He justified freely forever</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day He’s coming</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh glorious day, oh glorious day</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day the trumpet will sound for His coming</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day the skies with His glories will shine</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My Savior, Jesus, is mine</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-align: center;"> Casting Crowns</strong></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; direction: ltr; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.07em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-7384749948473648042017-06-16T17:25:00.001-07:002017-06-16T17:25:19.307-07:00Caroline's Roses<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcet-MRBWa_lZpVBiakHoQWS_PlmaTy7TPrFL5LeZ7RihB_WO_bGN4tSh1shvnIxINnG2bgEVW6rPCeJat_GRwy-iRLDQ3tmIO7_hc7q0gQE0FBXfD2eSwhPpwC1BEBdnfGyYatSQ-mX7r/s1600/20170614_201040.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcet-MRBWa_lZpVBiakHoQWS_PlmaTy7TPrFL5LeZ7RihB_WO_bGN4tSh1shvnIxINnG2bgEVW6rPCeJat_GRwy-iRLDQ3tmIO7_hc7q0gQE0FBXfD2eSwhPpwC1BEBdnfGyYatSQ-mX7r/s200/20170614_201040.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeXWDY2qHgpAY2IqX7SGtJxqtel6WI6aImtR8WsxThJdwATQ5tJJlgYMJduUtXU7GUL_ja_yemEcU0S5PVmGtEjpYXPoIIjlrUsUT-ltSLbiyGIcI8lNgzhuveHt6qqtGc5FL1cVP3M7wn/s1600/20170614_201016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeXWDY2qHgpAY2IqX7SGtJxqtel6WI6aImtR8WsxThJdwATQ5tJJlgYMJduUtXU7GUL_ja_yemEcU0S5PVmGtEjpYXPoIIjlrUsUT-ltSLbiyGIcI8lNgzhuveHt6qqtGc5FL1cVP3M7wn/s320/20170614_201016.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
On this night, 3 years ago, my body went into labor at 34 weeks 6 days. I remember that night, wishing, praying, hoping, pleading, that maybe it was false labor. I was not ready to meet my baby and say goodbye. I didn't want the pregnancy to end. Ever. I wanted my precious baby to stay inside me forever, safe, warm, protected, and alive. But God had a plan. Different from my own. He knew that it was almost time for Josh and I to meet our sweet baby. And in those moments of that late Monday night, June 16, 2014, I felt His Presence. I felt His peace wash over my heart. I felt calm, and ready to trust in what He had planned for us, and for our baby. That night, I did not know that only a few short hours later, I would be holding the most precious, beautiful, and loved little girl in my arms. I would cradle her, kiss her, talk to her, and pray over her. That night is forever etched in my heart and my mind. As my emotions are all over the place tonight, and I am reminded of those moments leading up to her birth, I know that God is near. Caroline's beautiful roses are in full bloom, just in time to celebrate her life! I love looking at them, smelling them, and remembering the memory of her life whenever Iook at them. Tonight I am so thankful for the roses, and their delicate beauty. I know that in the same way that God has lovingly designed each one, He has done the same with my Caroline Joy! I rejoice that she is perfect, whole, and surrounded by the greatest of love. I cling to the promise that one day, we will be reunited. But tonight, I am missing her just a lot more, and wishing I could look forward to precious 3rd birthday hugs and kisses tomorrow.Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-37524592193841101552017-06-03T20:37:00.002-07:002017-06-04T05:58:38.572-07:00Disappointment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRxoUi_HwLdza0Au4jGLFaD4EuVFqa9adMi-G-WVBfA77Mp9H610VFedyHaRAO2zfbC_KgVV6FGXTcfwfQIXnwrIdpW4dF1YKf-CmG2J8euPHKCKqHaUzM3qqIz1K4PGVfG4T1ZojPyzF0/s1600/20170530_062225.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRxoUi_HwLdza0Au4jGLFaD4EuVFqa9adMi-G-WVBfA77Mp9H610VFedyHaRAO2zfbC_KgVV6FGXTcfwfQIXnwrIdpW4dF1YKf-CmG2J8euPHKCKqHaUzM3qqIz1K4PGVfG4T1ZojPyzF0/s320/20170530_062225.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> I have wanted to share my heart, and I have not quite known how to do this. It is never easy to be open and honest. Especially with parts of our lives that are just sad and painful, it is easier to pretend they do not exist, rather than talking about them openly. But I have learned that through our life, and through our stories, God does use them to help others. So in light of that, I have been praying for God to lead my heart, and speak through my words, so that they can reach those who need to hear them. You see, lately I have been walking down a path of what feels like continual heartbreak and disappointment. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't all bad, there are many days when the joy and the brightness outshines the pain and the frustration. But I have felt throughout the past month, as though I have been brought back into the pit of grief, back to the days of anger, of questioning and wondering, and back to the days of ugly and painful tears. As I sit here now, and await the day when healing will once again begin, and the tears will fall less frequently, I wanted to share my heart with all of you.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> Disappointment is never an easy pill to swallow, in fact, it's something that most of us try to avoid at all costs. So if you feel like you are facing a season of disappointments right now, then my prayer is that this post will speak to your heart.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> In my life, I have always dreamed of being a mom. It was my desire since I was a little girl, and I spent a majority of my years as a little girl playing "house" and barbies with my sisters and our friends. It was always so real to me. Not just something I did because it was fun, but because it was what I knew I wanted to be when I grew up. So of course, in my head I always believed it would be a simple process of having babies, and then being a mom for the rest of my life. I never in my life dreamed just how difficult it would be for me to become a mom. It has been the most painful, heartbreaking, beautiful, love filled journey that I could have ever imagined. God has used each and every step of this journey to teach me, to mold me, and to strengthen me.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> In all honesty, I absolutely love being pregnant. I love everything about the beautiful and precious gift of growing a new life inside. I have actually told Josh many times that if I could just be pregnant forever I wouldn't mind one bit! So a few months after Noah was born, I found myself missing being pregnant. And I have been anxiously awaiting the day when we could begin the process of adding to our family once again. I would love to provide Noah with a little brother or sister some day. So even though Josh has not always been in full agreement, we have been trying to add to our family for awhile. A few weeks ago, I finally received the much awaited, much longed for, beyond exciting positive pregnancy test. It was faint, but it was there. The following day it was once again, through my tear filled eyes, positive! My heart was overjoyed in so many many ways. And me, being the crazy person that I am, started talking to that very very little growing person who I believed was inside. I spent an incredibly happy, excited, beyond thrilled weekend keeping my little secret. All the while dreaming of what the next months were going to bring. But a few days later, when everything should have been okay, it was not. A negative pregnancy test, the sense of dread that filled my heart, the questions and the wondering, the desperate prayers, the waiting. Finally the call from the doctor, and the bad news. The pregnancy had ended, almost before it had even began. There was nothing left to do but wait, for my body to do the natural process. Two days later, it did.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> The disappointment. The hurt. The questioning. The anger. The tears. They came immediately. They hit me hard, until I was just left feeling numb. Once again, I had to say goodbye. There was no reason they could give me as to why it ended. It just did. But that doesn't help. That doesn't make the pain go away. It doesn't fix a broken heart.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> In the same way that I questioned why we had to say goodbye to Caroline. Why we ever had to walk down such a difficult journey. Why God put us in that situation. Why the effects of all that we had lost, are still impacting me so strongly today. I went back to those moments of questioning. Why would God take something that I wanted so badly, that I had been hoping for, praying for, waiting for, and dangle it in front of me? Why would he allow those two early tests to be positive, just enough for me to hope, to dream, to begin to plan, to fill my heart with utter joy, only to snatch it out of my grasp only days later? It just did not feel fair. Once again, haven't I already given up enough?</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> In the week before all of this happened, I was dealing with a work disappointment, one that hit me harder than I had anticipated. And of course, in my human understanding, I was praying for a clear answer as to why I had to face that disappointment. When I first saw that positive pregnancy test, I knew with all of my heart that my answer was in that pink positive line. I reasoned that God had closed the door for a new opportunity for teaching, in order to open the door for us to grow our family once again. It all made sense in my mind, in my human understanding. But once again, God was teaching me. I am learning over and over again that sometimes God must take us into the darkest, most hopeless places, in order for us to surrender it all. Yet let me tell you, that is not easy! Especially when you feel as though all has been stripped away, and you are left feeling confused, hurt, heartbroken, and angry. It is so hard to give it all over to God. Your first instinct is to try and put yourself back in control. To try and make everything better. To fix it. To rationalize it all. And just when I had thought I had learned it all during these past three years after losing my sweet girl, I was back in the same square once again. Left at a crossroads.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> As I was driving home one afternoon, the words to this song began filling my car at just the perfect time...</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">They say sometimes you win some</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Sometimes you lose some</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">And right now, right now I'm losing bad</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">I've stood on this stage night after night</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Reminding the broken it'll be alright</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">But right now, oh right now I just can't</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">It's easy to sing</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">When there's nothing to bring me down</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">But what will I say</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">When I'm held to the flame</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Like I am right now</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">I know You're able and I know You can</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Save through the fire with Your mighty hand</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">But even if You don't</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">My hope is You alone</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">They say it only takes a little faith</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">To move a mountain</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Well, good thing</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">A little faith is all I have right now</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">But God, when You choose</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">To leave mountains unmovable</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Give me the strength to be able to sing</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">It is well with my soul</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">I know You're able and I know You can</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Save through the fire with Your mighty hand</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">But even if You don't</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">My hope is You alone</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Would all go away if You'd just say the word</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">But even if You don't</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">My hope is You alone</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">You've been faithful, You've been good</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">All of my days</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Jesus, I will cling to You</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Come what may</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">‘Cause I know You're able</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">I know You can </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">I know You're able and I know You can</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Save through the fire with Your mighty hand</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">But even if You don't</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">My hope is You alone</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Even If by MercyMe</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">These words from that song stuck in my head, and I continue to repeat them over and over and over....</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">"I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Would all go away if You'd just say the word</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">But even if You don't</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">My hope is You alone"</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">This song spoke directly to my heart, then and now. Because the truth is, yes, it is easy to sing when things are going well. It is easy to praise, and worship, and be grateful. But it is an entirely different story when you are in the middle of a trial, when you are in the midst of sorrow and hurt. You have a choice with how you will handle it, how you will deal with it, how you will work through it. And I would be lying if I did not admit that there were, and still are, moments when I just wanted to give up, because everything, all the failure and disappointment, seemed to be too much. It just hurt so much. Yet just as it says in this song, "you've been faithful, you've been good, all of my days". I will be the first to tell you, God Is Good! God is Faithful! My life, is a living testimony of His goodness and His faithfulness. He has walked beside me, carried me, and guided me, each and every step of the way. In those moments, when I felt like there was no more hope, when the darkness overshadowed all things good, He was there. He was there. I have walked down the journey of grief and of joy, of heartbreak and of love, for the past three and a half years, and I know that I am here today, because of a good God, who loves me deeply, who holds my tears, and who continually overwhelms me with His promises. The God who continues to place people in my life who surround me with prayer, and love, and encouragement. The God who knows exactly what song I need to hear, which will help heal my broken heart. The God who gently, yet relentlessly, calls me back into His loving arms. He is there. He is always there.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWOam8Qg0oDzdcFmni13q9_rPLEnkXs2ACzJ4-E4B3KMh_9-DoNg-rqJ2Uz0_iS-TxaCqo4NXhXMbpjeqVJo1LpHfzfWxccmkqyBPQBfiVbNZkAGGSb1YSeRQAMbisOFJ8_UhSlONQVMx9/s1600/20170514_182718.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWOam8Qg0oDzdcFmni13q9_rPLEnkXs2ACzJ4-E4B3KMh_9-DoNg-rqJ2Uz0_iS-TxaCqo4NXhXMbpjeqVJo1LpHfzfWxccmkqyBPQBfiVbNZkAGGSb1YSeRQAMbisOFJ8_UhSlONQVMx9/s320/20170514_182718.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> One of my greatest struggles these past weeks is the unknowns. The "whys". Just as they did and continue to plague me with what happened to my precious Caroline, I have found myself once again questioning why God would put me through this. As I laid on the floor after that phone call from the doctor, crying, I repeated over and over and over, "why God, I am NOT strong enough." In our minds, we feel as though we need to understand it all. We need to know why or why not. We want to know the details, understand why we are suffering, why we are sad, why bad things happen. It is a battle. It is a battle within ourselves to try and bring light to our suffering. We want to understand why a good God, who has complete control, would allow us to face disappointments, and setbacks, and sorrows. Just as the song says, "Cause I know You're able, I know You can, save through the fire with Your mighty hand". We know our God can, and He does!</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> Yet it does not always go as we had planned. I know that this is why this song spoke to me so clearly, because on those days when my body was doing the exact opposite of what it should have been doing. When I felt like my body was failing me, failing that precious life that should have been growing inside. When I felt the failure of losing out on a new position, and the overwhelming failure of not being able to emotionally handle all my daily commitments, I wondered why. Why could God just not fix it, make it all better? Put a nice soothing band aid on my hurting heart, and make it all right again? I had wanted this pregnancy, a new precious baby, so very badly. I had waited so long for that positive test. Yet over and over in my head I knew the truth, my heart shouted it to me with every beat it took, "even if You don't, my hope is You alone. " So I will continue to hope. I will hope in the Lord. The Lord, who is good and who is faithful. I will cling to my God, our God, who loves us deeply. Who wants the best for us. Who will walk beside us, in the sorrow, the hurt, the joys, and the pain. Our hope is in Him alone!</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> Tonight my prayer, for each of us, who are facing disappointment, or heartbreak, or sorrow, or feelings of failure, is that we will ask God to fill us with His strength. That even if He chooses to not move mountains, or answer our prayers the way we hoped He would, that He would give us the strength to say, "it is well with my soul."</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"> </span>Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-24649361574762978052016-11-29T13:33:00.003-08:002016-11-29T13:35:00.369-08:00Parenting after a Loss <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIYjtlkEWo43kFcujB37-3tr2NCGYW5M-qPB8tQ4dHog9EFfKyCZKRTQlQw6W1pCictGxaNAgt1k-t661YHNxRbiiHBj32VpRa3oUNIoPXXzOUDHwal9G7upeYzSTLp3fEls2W9IAW5vtu/s1600/Rainbow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIYjtlkEWo43kFcujB37-3tr2NCGYW5M-qPB8tQ4dHog9EFfKyCZKRTQlQw6W1pCictGxaNAgt1k-t661YHNxRbiiHBj32VpRa3oUNIoPXXzOUDHwal9G7upeYzSTLp3fEls2W9IAW5vtu/s320/Rainbow.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The beauty of a rainbow, the brilliant color after a storm. Hope shining through the dark sky. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My heart has been all over the place this past month. Mostly I have been filled with intense feelings of thankfulness, of gratitude. My heart has been so full, as I have the opportunity to watch my sweet rainbow baby grow up right before my very eyes. It is truly such a privilege that at one time, I was not sure I would ever be able to experience. Yet here I am, watching my little Noah discover the beauty of this world. Some days, when I see his bright eyes light up in wonder, I just catch my breath, wondering how I am so blessed. Seeing the world through his eyes, has made me look at everything from a whole new perspective. I think back to this time two years ago, when we were facing our very first Christmas without our daughter. It was the hardest holiday season, filled with grief beyond anything I had ever known. That year I skipped Christmas, because it just hurt too much. I did not want to celebrate, did not want to watch others celebrate, I just wanted to cry and be alone. I remember writing in my journal that all I really wanted to was to go to sleep, and not wake up until the middle of January. I just wanted it to all be over. It felt like a cruel joke. It felt like my heart was being sucked right out of my body, and even breathing was difficult. It was all I could do to get out of bed each morning, and I couldn't wait to get home each night, and just lay under a blanket and cry. That season was also filled with eager hope, and bitter disappointment. Josh and I both knew that we wanted another baby. I knew that I wanted it, needed it, to help heal my broken heart. But as much as I wanted it to happen right away, we had to wait once again. So in the midst of my intense grief during the holidays, I also experienced the very clear sign that my body was not yet growing that precious rainbow baby my heart so longed for. It was a very, very, tough season. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> This month, as I anticipate the holiday season that is now upon us, I have been crying out to God to speak to my heart. I have felt a longing, deep in my heart, to continue to minister to others. I have felt God calling me to continue sharing Caroline's story, our story, and Noah's story. There are so many ways that God has woven these stories together, and so many amazing miracles that take place in each of them. It is truly such an honor to watch how God is writing each of these precious stories. I just feel like He has taught me so much, and through that I want to be able to reach out to others. I still do not know exactly what He is calling me into yet, but I pray that He will make it clear in the right time. For now I am praying for an open heart, an open mind, and that I will be ready to answer His call when the time comes. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Throughout this past 14 months, I have been learning so much about what it means to be a mom to a baby who comes after a loss. This is an area where I was completely unprepared to face before Noah was born. I expected it to be emotional, and to be full of joy and healing. And do not get me wrong, it has been all of those things and so, so, much more! But at the same time, it has been incredibly challenging. I never anticipated the ginormous amount of tears I would cry over his sweet baby head, as I thanked God over and over and over again for allowing me to be his mom. I never anticipated the worry that would flood my heart at the smallest details. I never anticipated the happy tears, and the sad tears that would mix together as I watched Noah experience the precious milestones and "firsts". I never anticipated how my body would handle both the trauma of losing Caroline, and the intense relief of holding my very healthy, much alive, baby boy. I never anticipated all the parenting fails, that leave me feeling full of guilt. I never anticipated the way my mind would wander to worst case scenarios. I never anticipated how not being able to breastfeed my daughter would impact my 13 month breastfeeding journey with my son. I never knew. I never expected. I could not have fully prepared. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Being Noah's mom, and being able to raise him each and every day, has been my greatest joy and privilege. There are not even close to enough words in the English language to fully express how much this little boy has healed my heart, and brought so much love and laughter into my soul. He is such a gift from God! Noah's story, and the amazing way that he entered into our lives, is truly orchestrated in beauty. I hope to share Noah's story, in full, with all of you in the soon future! As I look back over these past 14 months, where we have been able to hold him here in our arms, I am just filled with such gratitude. God is so good! We love our little boy so much! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> But our journey to parenting Noah has been tricky too. In the same way that my pregnancy with Noah was so different, because of what we went through with Caroline, our parenting is different because of our experiences as well. I have realized that there are not many resources available for parents who are expecting/ parenting a rainbow baby. It is an area that could use more support, and especially more research. I know that personally I had to battle through many tough issues, some of which I am still struggling with each day. Some days I just felt so alone, and wondered why, when I finally had a healthy baby in my arms, was I feeling this way, or that way? I am beyond thankful for my friendship with a dear friend, who was walking down the very same journey. A friend who stood beside me, listened to me, and understood exactly what I was feeling. In so many ways, I wish there were ways to be able to offer that unconditional support to others. I would love to be able to help other moms realize that they are not alone in this parenting journey. Because truthfully, parenting a child after losing a child, is so different. It is SO SO SO GOOD! But it is different. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> I do not know what God has in store for my future. But I do pray that He will continue to give me opportunities to minister to others. To share some of what He has, and is continuing to teach me. I know that this world is a tricky place, and often it is easy to get down with all of the sad news surrounding us. I know that entering into this holiday season has already brought up a flood of emotions for me, and I know that it is only the beginning. It is just a clear reminder that in the good times, and in the bad times, we must cling to the One who holds it all in His hands. May we focus on that truth as we anticipate the joyous coming of our King! May we enter into the advent season with bright eyes, like those of a child, filled with eager anticipation and excitement for the arrival of the True Gift, the tiny baby, the One who entered into this world, our world, as the most helpless babe. Yet through His story, His life, we are able to watch the most beautiful unfolding of this true Gift, the sacrifice, that was given for you, and for me.</span><span style="color: #38761d;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Oh Come, Let Us Adore Him!</span></div>
<span style="color: #38761d;"></span>Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-66961625346376307782016-11-02T07:42:00.001-07:002016-11-02T07:42:41.483-07:00Seasons Change<div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNdAF8MGiBY805e5OFkMlRjru8nzLWP2cL-5TsW-gnymMuy140lc9QUqCCyQvYPldVsIp22HZnbIQy8-9iDFAr0vP8H9UgCZS5z-ejbm-XdlhW3kCTmZGc1ZHmFBWjTPADWxChpj9OKed7/s1600/Fall+colors.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNdAF8MGiBY805e5OFkMlRjru8nzLWP2cL-5TsW-gnymMuy140lc9QUqCCyQvYPldVsIp22HZnbIQy8-9iDFAr0vP8H9UgCZS5z-ejbm-XdlhW3kCTmZGc1ZHmFBWjTPADWxChpj9OKed7/s320/Fall+colors.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "verdana";"> It is that time of year, when the weather gets cooler, the leaves change into brilliant colors, and glittery frost begins to appear on the grass and the rooftops in the early mornings. Fall has arrived in Michigan! To be perfectly honest with you, I am not a huge fan of cold weather, and I truly get so sad at the thought of winter arriving in just a few short months. If I could have summer all year long, I would be a very happy camper. But we live in a place where the season change. We go from hot to cold, to really really cold, to cold and then hot again. Living in Michigan for my whole life, has taught me that there is so much to learn from each season. There is a beauty that comes along with each change in the weather. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "verdana";"> This morning as I was drinking a cup of tea on the couch, I glanced out my window. Looming above the tops of the houses, I saw the beauty of the trees. They are no longer just different shades of green, now they are filled with leaves of many colors. The reds, oranges, yellows, and browns all blend together to create a beautiful picture. A picture that makes even me, start to love this season. If you just take a minute to stop and admire the beautiful trees all around you, it is nearly impossible to not find yourself loving the change. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "verdana";"> As I sat there, gazing at God's masterpiece outside my window, it hit me with a sudden rush. Oh how much changes within me during each season as well. I reflect back on how far I have come since I began writing this blog over two years ago. In just six short days, I will have reached yet another day that has so much significance in my heart. The day that three years ago, I took a pregnancy test that changed our lives forever. The day that I discovered for the very first time, that we were going to be adding a little one to our family. It never ceases to amaze me at how those dates will forever remain imprinted in my heart, my mind. I will never forget that feeling, when I saw that positive sign slowly appear on that little screen. So many emotions. So many thoughts. So many prayers of thanks. We had waited so long for it to finally happen, and then it did. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "verdana";"> But now, reflecting back on that day, three years later, oh how much has changed. How many seasons have gone by, with that missing piece of my heart still gone. Sometimes I just long to go back to that one innocent moment, when I stood barefoot on that cold tile floor, gazing intently to be sure that I wasn't just seeing a positive sign, because I wanted it so badly. Back to that season of my life when innocence was "normal". Back when I didn't know that anything could go wrong. When everything finally just felt right. When after months of trying to get pregnant, we finally were! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "verdana";"> Yet here I am, in 2016. This morning I had to flip my calendar into the month of November. That day, the 8th day of November will come and it will go, with nothing visibly changing. It will be just another day. But so much in my heart will change, just as it has during the course of the past three years. I know that I will experience thoughts of what could have been, what should have been. I know that I will experience sadness, and the longing to hold my sweet girl just one more time. I know that I will experience joy, at the thought of the 35 weeks I had with her. I know that I will reflect back on all the ways that my life has changed since that day. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "verdana";"> In the months following that cool November afternoon, we experienced excitement, disbelief, eager anticipation, and even a little bit of fear, all the normal feelings that most everyone faces at the thought of becoming parents for the first time. But then we entered into anxious worry, as the snow and cold of the winter months bit sharply at our faces, at the initial news of something not being right with our much loved, much wanted little baby. Our hearts were stunned, shocked, and completely numb at the news that our baby was not going to survive outside of my body. News we NEVER EVER NEVER expected to hear. The months following, as we watched the winter unfold into the blooming of spring, we walked down the journey of the shadow of death. Knowing fully that our chances of holding our baby alive were slim, and that our time as a whole family was going to be very short. We felt the bitter cold turn into the warmth of the spring sunshine, as we grieved each day at the anticipation of having to say hello and goodbye. Each day was torture, as my heart so desperately begged me to do something, anything, to save our beloved baby. Yet even with the greatest technological advances of our day, there was nothing that we could do. My heart pleaded with God to save our baby, to heal her, to fix her. All the while we waited, unsure of the unknown future. Somehow, in the midst of the chaos surrounding the changing of the seasons, I felt joy, deep down in my heart. I felt joy as I watched my belly grow and expand. I felt joy as I felt those first fluttering kicks. I felt joy as my sweet baby grew and moved around inside of me. I felt joy as I sang to her each morning, and before bed each night. I felt joy as I read to her, all the many books that I had been so eagerly collecting for my first baby. I felt joy as I talked to her about her daddy, and shared the depth of my love for her through stories and whispered words. I felt joy each time I got to experience all the fullness of this life, and knew that she was right there inside of me. I felt joy in knowing that she was safe, and cozy, and alive right below my steadily beating heart. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "verdana";"> Then the seasons began to change again, the clock continued to tick, and the calendar continued to flip. As we entered into the month of June, I knew that we only had one month left. One month left of her knowing the safety and security of my body. Each day the sun began to get warmer, the sky turned a more brilliant shade of blue, and the smallest buds began to poke out on the rose bushes. Summer had now arrived. Just 17 days later, the time had come. Nothing could have prepared me for that moment. I wanted more time. Needed more time. This was not suppose to happen yet. My body was failing me. Failing my daughter. It was not July 22 yet. But somewhere in the midst of the pain, as I lay in bed late that Monday night, wishing, hoping, praying that the contractions would stop, I felt God's peace surrounding me. I felt God's hand lifting mine as I made that emergency phone call to the doctors office. I felt God's strength filling me as I whispered "okay" when I was told it was time to go to the hospital. I felt God nudging my heart as Josh and I sat on the cold floor of our laundry room, holding hands, and pleading with God for the life of our baby. In that moment, we once again committed the life of our sweet baby into God's hands. The peace that surrounded us throughout that night was beyond anything we could have asked for. As I lay in that hospital bed, listening to the incredible sound of our baby's heartbeat, laughing with Josh about the ugly hospital slippers on my feet, we knew that God was there. Throughout all the season changes that had occurred during my pregnancy, never once had our God changed. He always and forever remained constant. He was there with us that Fall afternoon when I took that pregnancy test, He was there with us that freezing snowy morning when we first heard the diagnosis of our baby, He was there with us each windy spring day as we grieved, hoped, and loved our precious baby that was growing inside, and He was there that early summer morning, on June 17, at 5:16am, when they pulled our beautiful, oh so loved, first daughter out of my body. He was there beside us as we said hello, as we admired and loved on her, and He was there as we whispered goodbye 19 minutes later. He was there as we held her in the hospital, soaking up every moment. He was there when I kissed her perfect little cheek for the very last time, and stroked her baby soft hair. He was there holding up my arms as I handed her over, the very last time I would ever hold my baby on this earth. He was there as Josh and I drove the streets of Grand Rapids, making our way back home, alone. He was there as I walked into my house, fully feeling the weight of what was missing. He was there in the long, sleepless nights. He was there through the shuddering tears, and the desperate pleas. He was there as we lifted that tiny white casket, and placed it in the ground. He was there as we kneeled in the cold wet grass, and said our goodbyes. He was there in the days that followed, as we tried to continue moving forward with our life. He was there. He was there. He was there. </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana;"> He was always there. </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana;"> Now today, as I once again embrace the changing of the seasons, I find that there is hope rising inside of my heart. This hope that I had lost, and often wondered if I would ever find again. The hope that had been dimmed the day I heard those life changing words. I remember wondering so often during those long days after saying goodbye, if I would ever feel like myself again. I wanted to hope, desperately wanted to hope, but it was so hard to see around my pain, my heartbreak. Yet I smile today when I think about the hope that is now much more clear. It is a hope that has far greater meaning to me than ever before. As I watch my little boy eating, with a sparkle in his eye, I see that hope. Even though nothing will ever be the same, and we will forever have that missing piece of our family, I can start to see the shadows clearing when I watch to see how our story continues to unfold. God has given me a reason to smile again, a reason to sing, and a reason to laugh. God has restored hope into my heart. I am ever so thankful! </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana;"> The changing of the seasons brings so many memories to my heart. So many happy memories, ones that I will cherish and smile over forever. But it also brings about sad memories as well. Memories that bring tears to my eyes, memories that hurt my heart, and some that I wish I could forget forever. Yet they are all a part of me. They are all a part of who I am, as a wife, as a mother, and as a child of God. They are proof that through the storms and through the calm, God is there. Although our lives change so much, and we go through the good times, and the really hard times, God's love never fails. And that my dear friends, is something that we can rejoice in, and something that we can cling to. My hope for you today is that no matter where you are at right now in your life, whether you are experiencing the chaos of a raging storm, or enjoying the peace of a calm of a quiet day, that you can rest safely in the arms of our Father, who promises that He will love YOU always. </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "verdana";"> </span></div>
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-77438099565384184102016-06-18T18:13:00.000-07:002016-06-18T18:29:00.622-07:00Noah News<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwZqlya9Mdd1kBVxwdTdUOJZqDl_T6Kt7RA6efWbDzwXzAkPKQKEzwIDzpva2RfMeAic75wShK0TCyFXz2g_cEYFbwpoebRGuBPA3hdIa_BUkbmxiZ8WAXooOpRvFPmtF_JAOzyEFk5CS1/s1600/2016-06-15+09.25.06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwZqlya9Mdd1kBVxwdTdUOJZqDl_T6Kt7RA6efWbDzwXzAkPKQKEzwIDzpva2RfMeAic75wShK0TCyFXz2g_cEYFbwpoebRGuBPA3hdIa_BUkbmxiZ8WAXooOpRvFPmtF_JAOzyEFk5CS1/s320/2016-06-15+09.25.06.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Today is a very special day for our little Noah! Today Noah is 38 weeks, 5 days old. This may seem like an odd number to some, but it is a big milestone for our little guy! Noah has officially been here with us, for as long as he was growing in my tummy. Noah was born at 38 weeks, 5 days. He entered this world on a Monday night, at 5:00pm. What a joy filled, tear filled, beautiful and amazing moment that was, when we first saw our son! He was 6lbs. 2oz. 18.5 inches. He is a growing boy and now weighs 16lbs, and is 25 inches long. His smile is endless, and he is very noisy! He loves to make sure his voice is heard. Noah loves to crawl everywhere, climb up on everything, play in the water, watch other kids, and listen to music. Each day has been such a gift. A precious gift. </span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Each week I just stand amazed at how much Noah has learned and accomplished. He continues to impress us with all his new skills! What a joy to be able to watch him grow and develop right before our very eyes!</span> <br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Thank you to everyone who continues to follow our journey. We are so thankful for all the love and support. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, it brings me so much encouragement. Each day as I watch Noah grow, I continue to just stand in awe at what an amazing God we serve. Because through the pain, God was able to shine a light of hope back into our hearts. I know that our story is far from over, and we never know what path God might have for our future. But I do know that when we trust in Him, He will make beauty from the ashes. It is not always the way we would like, or the way we would have planned. The story that God chose to write for me, is never one I could have expected or planned, or one I would have even chosen for myself. Yet there is such beauty in the promise of God's great plan for our lives. I continue to cling to that promise each and every day. He will bring light into the darkness. It might not happen when we expect it to, nor in the way we would anticipate, but we can find hope in His promises. Because He who has promised IS faithful!</span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "verdana";">Here are a few pictures of our little rainbow baby, William Noah. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1GRnL1HsqRtLE7f_VtDhLTMhc4qyW2glLFjH4ciA8k0xKDNrvZdA0X2o5uxjnk6AUKfzk2vq4hgLi_IdQza1F46v5MJrE08NdsfXVDwjh9Ph4g7pu999bfSoc5nckiN59ajEOD-zUVjT4/s1600/20160614_162628.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1GRnL1HsqRtLE7f_VtDhLTMhc4qyW2glLFjH4ciA8k0xKDNrvZdA0X2o5uxjnk6AUKfzk2vq4hgLi_IdQza1F46v5MJrE08NdsfXVDwjh9Ph4g7pu999bfSoc5nckiN59ajEOD-zUVjT4/s320/20160614_162628.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzXeI1u88dXHm3HWTgXBIS1YJqXoWM5vSa5ihprusFVZZVzLHE6AsROA0HgU-RFOXXjGvZ3agaprzDmzXQnOPWD6QN9np1M9YbXuWOtsvRhlMXTvDUej5rG5Y22AyFrOkfMT0wBCESC6Yq/s1600/20160614_210100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzXeI1u88dXHm3HWTgXBIS1YJqXoWM5vSa5ihprusFVZZVzLHE6AsROA0HgU-RFOXXjGvZ3agaprzDmzXQnOPWD6QN9np1M9YbXuWOtsvRhlMXTvDUej5rG5Y22AyFrOkfMT0wBCESC6Yq/s320/20160614_210100.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1GRnL1HsqRtLE7f_VtDhLTMhc4qyW2glLFjH4ciA8k0xKDNrvZdA0X2o5uxjnk6AUKfzk2vq4hgLi_IdQza1F46v5MJrE08NdsfXVDwjh9Ph4g7pu999bfSoc5nckiN59ajEOD-zUVjT4/s1600/20160614_162628.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc5nEAkj4VlU-CWBjp00_bfGitJGZT1aesDVyzFoYnbyeldUBUNRTZ-VOQ33RgFnzDK6WB-Ns6pXnRcaTyiFra_CPXjvWAzyjXkN8THQ4midxIgzmYIIXf2cUyCotpHiwsZbE-KWbXiT7J/s1600/20160615_085903.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc5nEAkj4VlU-CWBjp00_bfGitJGZT1aesDVyzFoYnbyeldUBUNRTZ-VOQ33RgFnzDK6WB-Ns6pXnRcaTyiFra_CPXjvWAzyjXkN8THQ4midxIgzmYIIXf2cUyCotpHiwsZbE-KWbXiT7J/s320/20160615_085903.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUvqoQqrtT4_EWzRuHeVejVct5MiiefrbjCFRmwfrF1inArGyH4FKVdc0AwtITm1cEcckoK8zpp6hI1wDWQh7qbMUse-lk8GghXSI-B8r4Cf6-SZ3SSxRbWEpTzdu2Ys64ZnfJSg2QU5C9/s1600/20160602_160814.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW-lYYwh5Dqu3-2MUYvVHt0L_CjrgqreS8kZieaP8K3wAC1-eTwz9r3QOR63U9oXVsLq2YkIu8AaC75qMANo1s0tJIrEe8AnSzqHUzp1Vav7xzLDPjfQHHf7M463plXCSzUHlHElSxBJMv/s1600/20160602_160757.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW-lYYwh5Dqu3-2MUYvVHt0L_CjrgqreS8kZieaP8K3wAC1-eTwz9r3QOR63U9oXVsLq2YkIu8AaC75qMANo1s0tJIrEe8AnSzqHUzp1Vav7xzLDPjfQHHf7M463plXCSzUHlHElSxBJMv/s320/20160602_160757.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUvqoQqrtT4_EWzRuHeVejVct5MiiefrbjCFRmwfrF1inArGyH4FKVdc0AwtITm1cEcckoK8zpp6hI1wDWQh7qbMUse-lk8GghXSI-B8r4Cf6-SZ3SSxRbWEpTzdu2Ys64ZnfJSg2QU5C9/s1600/20160602_160814.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUvqoQqrtT4_EWzRuHeVejVct5MiiefrbjCFRmwfrF1inArGyH4FKVdc0AwtITm1cEcckoK8zpp6hI1wDWQh7qbMUse-lk8GghXSI-B8r4Cf6-SZ3SSxRbWEpTzdu2Ys64ZnfJSg2QU5C9/s320/20160602_160814.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9SzQQjQ_azlanyVQaGyXpvTbq4BE0es_VJU__eSxE9nh9XsTAG5BVQ6XC39TeFUChrH8OPf_i9_eV6Kbg0GN-hrw1IPd5tCGllhegb-LJ1Ez-Hns_KUPn4keK8mvvpO6BFo1PDwlpu0P6/s1600/2016-06-18+20.20.18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9SzQQjQ_azlanyVQaGyXpvTbq4BE0es_VJU__eSxE9nh9XsTAG5BVQ6XC39TeFUChrH8OPf_i9_eV6Kbg0GN-hrw1IPd5tCGllhegb-LJ1Ez-Hns_KUPn4keK8mvvpO6BFo1PDwlpu0P6/s320/2016-06-18+20.20.18.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1vhyvy8IRa_1fJ2NIJgfU8fGtqj-mNDowmOLouHCLmU9-qzVFL3tZ_vAxAH7x3hu4KxViXbBCxFlj3q-iQ2AZeg25ED_IEaAtte-LOK9nKZNyLwTCIA1J3icZtsUH1aeFRaA9QUs7h435/s1600/20160604_144550.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1vhyvy8IRa_1fJ2NIJgfU8fGtqj-mNDowmOLouHCLmU9-qzVFL3tZ_vAxAH7x3hu4KxViXbBCxFlj3q-iQ2AZeg25ED_IEaAtte-LOK9nKZNyLwTCIA1J3icZtsUH1aeFRaA9QUs7h435/s320/20160604_144550.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-m0ftPqJoXsSfdCSA2xs-3r4T6DsCwnZls-c8slf2rQ36kW9xGufITk-FOvA9ljAuNgdSOuzYNQ2yYFglpR6W0q0_tQRGTTAlgZyv75r2v7Y-QyQG1fgMmA-myp4p_kCM9QtKSFJ_ah_1/s1600/20160528_132336.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-m0ftPqJoXsSfdCSA2xs-3r4T6DsCwnZls-c8slf2rQ36kW9xGufITk-FOvA9ljAuNgdSOuzYNQ2yYFglpR6W0q0_tQRGTTAlgZyv75r2v7Y-QyQG1fgMmA-myp4p_kCM9QtKSFJ_ah_1/s320/20160528_132336.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4aJqvhgBHNUQhJiMSw49jBZSLE9PYEsZX0WyDQjdM3qUa4u4CUzEDVSe1y5E8KfuNTy3oHoBzPBJ-mR5RP5r6gyo3Mk7XSc32OkT6ieiqJ7L2VeoODfeYWvzaV6WaLcIhBOd9uSVbp6Ux/s1600/20160610_204958.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4aJqvhgBHNUQhJiMSw49jBZSLE9PYEsZX0WyDQjdM3qUa4u4CUzEDVSe1y5E8KfuNTy3oHoBzPBJ-mR5RP5r6gyo3Mk7XSc32OkT6ieiqJ7L2VeoODfeYWvzaV6WaLcIhBOd9uSVbp6Ux/s1600/20160610_204958.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4aJqvhgBHNUQhJiMSw49jBZSLE9PYEsZX0WyDQjdM3qUa4u4CUzEDVSe1y5E8KfuNTy3oHoBzPBJ-mR5RP5r6gyo3Mk7XSc32OkT6ieiqJ7L2VeoODfeYWvzaV6WaLcIhBOd9uSVbp6Ux/s320/20160610_204958.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn6nRDGzN3WQ0ayc3stTtLNvqpEM6kMXe27sbNyR3EwEafhtDc5lvF7D8Ox5HVCp94V88uCKvN_g-0BZv2HbRO5Yc3d8nUTQz-9dc_F5vjQA4TW-XqYF5qWfQMxCJ3xSl1DZqtSXZJ4JOr/s1600/20160611_203623.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn6nRDGzN3WQ0ayc3stTtLNvqpEM6kMXe27sbNyR3EwEafhtDc5lvF7D8Ox5HVCp94V88uCKvN_g-0BZv2HbRO5Yc3d8nUTQz-9dc_F5vjQA4TW-XqYF5qWfQMxCJ3xSl1DZqtSXZJ4JOr/s320/20160611_203623.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWkMY1XKhgjYfKdVScDduBuCJq-CT2XhN1pi-XsZYJ_QA2IVxy8dM7xP3EOhkQcut8EswpoE6iF3TSzV9JPaIumMGQYtvei8v4741KIt2atBMFjlQafWwtAadOA36SrstznY3x8-66v94b/s1600/20160506_105604.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWkMY1XKhgjYfKdVScDduBuCJq-CT2XhN1pi-XsZYJ_QA2IVxy8dM7xP3EOhkQcut8EswpoE6iF3TSzV9JPaIumMGQYtvei8v4741KIt2atBMFjlQafWwtAadOA36SrstznY3x8-66v94b/s320/20160506_105604.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJS4HllM0FtSG6FGmD5DHlGyZsLDFjNg5l6RJO1hQLsSUVps0tncqNAlsNPe0vfjGNbQD0oWPGKR7SEk_HHCf7ZBW2g330FQUFuI2n3AWbqPDnCTWbVG7gx-8Q4fD4Jrd2Mn9ND58CU1m5/s1600/20160508_121635%25280%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJS4HllM0FtSG6FGmD5DHlGyZsLDFjNg5l6RJO1hQLsSUVps0tncqNAlsNPe0vfjGNbQD0oWPGKR7SEk_HHCf7ZBW2g330FQUFuI2n3AWbqPDnCTWbVG7gx-8Q4fD4Jrd2Mn9ND58CU1m5/s320/20160508_121635%25280%2529.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHVXvhc4Ywa64JBV72GbB8YwCO-lb44J08SA_I2c6VJEP8oZcKg6DIaGKv0fEhbmmdLCeAkSe1pXegAQm8nar2xOfQtgXfiCEdIdbs-kKHwBZEYcOjFPkhf2wTyGCAWL3TDg8XICA0jpEL/s1600/20160524_201353.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHVXvhc4Ywa64JBV72GbB8YwCO-lb44J08SA_I2c6VJEP8oZcKg6DIaGKv0fEhbmmdLCeAkSe1pXegAQm8nar2xOfQtgXfiCEdIdbs-kKHwBZEYcOjFPkhf2wTyGCAWL3TDg8XICA0jpEL/s320/20160524_201353.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In honor of Noah's special milestone day, I also wanted to share some pictures that we took before Noah was born. A special thank you to my cousin (In His Image Photography) for once again capturing precious memories for us.</span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> We are so blessed by our precious rainbow baby. He has brought so much laughter, hope, smiles, and excitement into our hearts and home. There is not a day that goes by where we don't stop to thank God for allowing us the privilege of being his parents. We just love him so much! Enjoy! </span><br />
<div>
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcFJgHu1lW9EugwoiKarc6ibcC94ow0Buk3ZlIgfJ8iAwEejMf1dPWnxfcs379sGSb2vX8wOkedyX3v4Z3eTQGz3h4QVNEUVgj1Wlhgsl6fIWIau_uEaRNOUSjAZpLOt6yLmuPmYguEo9o/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8031_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcFJgHu1lW9EugwoiKarc6ibcC94ow0Buk3ZlIgfJ8iAwEejMf1dPWnxfcs379sGSb2vX8wOkedyX3v4Z3eTQGz3h4QVNEUVgj1Wlhgsl6fIWIau_uEaRNOUSjAZpLOt6yLmuPmYguEo9o/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8031_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHBIrtLbS5QxJzbD1-X_2Ww_2Hv_pSHdptMNttYFyKC-WZxIBZM-BMlAS9gCqto3rxCUssoSeAlJYj4HOPCmRD89-f8s6vq1oRzRMLd0uXvrsmW6FLX2SFRRMRaiArntdQeFrH0S1wXzRm/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8035_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHBIrtLbS5QxJzbD1-X_2Ww_2Hv_pSHdptMNttYFyKC-WZxIBZM-BMlAS9gCqto3rxCUssoSeAlJYj4HOPCmRD89-f8s6vq1oRzRMLd0uXvrsmW6FLX2SFRRMRaiArntdQeFrH0S1wXzRm/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8035_edited-1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHBIrtLbS5QxJzbD1-X_2Ww_2Hv_pSHdptMNttYFyKC-WZxIBZM-BMlAS9gCqto3rxCUssoSeAlJYj4HOPCmRD89-f8s6vq1oRzRMLd0uXvrsmW6FLX2SFRRMRaiArntdQeFrH0S1wXzRm/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8035_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbv1Cx20KBR86Vn6-Lv8O_Ea7qIKg9oLOXbXlGCTyOEDJSUDdlMbAHBujK4RelTPUy4HNcNDtO84C7Q5a0o2eaYghEZzixUtKUOaKjIVIXhx4LHH2I0e5dw2lOnvUoVG05QOlW5pyLPE9t/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8044_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbv1Cx20KBR86Vn6-Lv8O_Ea7qIKg9oLOXbXlGCTyOEDJSUDdlMbAHBujK4RelTPUy4HNcNDtO84C7Q5a0o2eaYghEZzixUtKUOaKjIVIXhx4LHH2I0e5dw2lOnvUoVG05QOlW5pyLPE9t/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8044_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdhw-UkxP7Qmtm6thYeGszz6H9vmzDMlDLTiWPo7TXtsDRVV_0bH8h4m688AQ4Bp5C7zXLavpemvnbEhvICExd7uu5vmYIAowJWZy3ZwE-dgVMAXcx8vf02yfQ2EiY3CYXvssRfKATZIm/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8054_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsBmlv9Ax7gW-QB_ZIswPKEg7YWW8rau6ATvqgbF50zg0C4olLH9o6dazuwfWXmHVkDjWoQCLlubM9JtJqY-qk_cD27b52iuW7Cm4qOHHc5GmzSVAQCrkkDqNNi42_3GmuCMGf_YDZvh6t/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8047_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsBmlv9Ax7gW-QB_ZIswPKEg7YWW8rau6ATvqgbF50zg0C4olLH9o6dazuwfWXmHVkDjWoQCLlubM9JtJqY-qk_cD27b52iuW7Cm4qOHHc5GmzSVAQCrkkDqNNi42_3GmuCMGf_YDZvh6t/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8047_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdhw-UkxP7Qmtm6thYeGszz6H9vmzDMlDLTiWPo7TXtsDRVV_0bH8h4m688AQ4Bp5C7zXLavpemvnbEhvICExd7uu5vmYIAowJWZy3ZwE-dgVMAXcx8vf02yfQ2EiY3CYXvssRfKATZIm/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8054_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdhw-UkxP7Qmtm6thYeGszz6H9vmzDMlDLTiWPo7TXtsDRVV_0bH8h4m688AQ4Bp5C7zXLavpemvnbEhvICExd7uu5vmYIAowJWZy3ZwE-dgVMAXcx8vf02yfQ2EiY3CYXvssRfKATZIm/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8054_edited-1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKF4Oj5ntrDqFpgu8k3Ycnz-TEWAi-K5EolzF01EgJchMcUpuKT17AZQdSyhJ1TUQ6bViztEVWhJ4SuVD456alk40oD1FQ-wkK8LcU5BBZIjbSEQuLGkhAM8E2n0UIQURzsmqmYQI5IVja/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8056_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKF4Oj5ntrDqFpgu8k3Ycnz-TEWAi-K5EolzF01EgJchMcUpuKT17AZQdSyhJ1TUQ6bViztEVWhJ4SuVD456alk40oD1FQ-wkK8LcU5BBZIjbSEQuLGkhAM8E2n0UIQURzsmqmYQI5IVja/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8056_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio_ZwJxO-na-3AQHQaImxoPCnGEXKQ8Gna7zvc1X3hqtaIlKaNCYs-Xku0DugvpBaYsmDwDKNakzhnkMCWB3pOR8DiwCou5abgQ3T5dwFva8CkNWUruxMY0tv7KbH2xXqGol-MteGSbYAt/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8059_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio_ZwJxO-na-3AQHQaImxoPCnGEXKQ8Gna7zvc1X3hqtaIlKaNCYs-Xku0DugvpBaYsmDwDKNakzhnkMCWB3pOR8DiwCou5abgQ3T5dwFva8CkNWUruxMY0tv7KbH2xXqGol-MteGSbYAt/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8059_edited-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKlg-w261R8C7KMaDUfwz0FFyqB6BDMKBpBlRdxNQZNsLnT_R1p97ZaEXkShTiC7f6Is5ra19WKu0DfD6jBzWcJg7GnHX94zzuP827FyaH-w3Xzb1vXJN1hWHjzMkpyhgeEv_dn07RWEhe/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8072_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKlg-w261R8C7KMaDUfwz0FFyqB6BDMKBpBlRdxNQZNsLnT_R1p97ZaEXkShTiC7f6Is5ra19WKu0DfD6jBzWcJg7GnHX94zzuP827FyaH-w3Xzb1vXJN1hWHjzMkpyhgeEv_dn07RWEhe/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8072_edited-1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHAD1BDSmX4IMYHIg8D7TzaXrW4e7993oDO5nR-yiW5QuiQRJgE6NPghMUAinaNLmP4Fuu73XCvOh2I6yMOVoQAuBjHHofPc6Slsl5zue1wZ2T7wEe9xwqi4o5V7SZkMJCdFwneS27N8Ks/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8067_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHAD1BDSmX4IMYHIg8D7TzaXrW4e7993oDO5nR-yiW5QuiQRJgE6NPghMUAinaNLmP4Fuu73XCvOh2I6yMOVoQAuBjHHofPc6Slsl5zue1wZ2T7wEe9xwqi4o5V7SZkMJCdFwneS27N8Ks/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8067_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio5ntwZnDDwaa_IxdLGwkDFWvW3tWzs8NXz6-V07vbN2kSdQca73cvjTH1VzrMTkAwd7Ei3kSfqR9RDjo4vqTh_vM8YZxYVPV207xQUAJaSY5_fQJnqcY2Brd_PXRCKO8eNFXMTV76WCFF/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8087_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio5ntwZnDDwaa_IxdLGwkDFWvW3tWzs8NXz6-V07vbN2kSdQca73cvjTH1VzrMTkAwd7Ei3kSfqR9RDjo4vqTh_vM8YZxYVPV207xQUAJaSY5_fQJnqcY2Brd_PXRCKO8eNFXMTV76WCFF/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8087_edited-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIb-Kg4A9hUksJESv7k4F3cUrHEaw65foqtXXYkDNIuWO8iCBV5Ob4i8DzIY9mH9RJbSx07psusuSUv05UBy22C6X_NOlw5mZi6oBp72UKOybhcilKLYBJQYo6O71HIKQ4zZrvEvBlKgau/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8087_edited-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIb-Kg4A9hUksJESv7k4F3cUrHEaw65foqtXXYkDNIuWO8iCBV5Ob4i8DzIY9mH9RJbSx07psusuSUv05UBy22C6X_NOlw5mZi6oBp72UKOybhcilKLYBJQYo6O71HIKQ4zZrvEvBlKgau/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8087_edited-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTAsumPDW6fWI4BEknjRUnjjzZko0kq5NMEzDOFp_6T5FNJ1RLfFnW2h0FBqIgGfqzkGHxUU0nds8Mp1rQHTr9SO2iVakad2fgo_BdPxUB-TfXsPFfELC-jL6KDZoPE28k3oH_i2IB040Y/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8094_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTAsumPDW6fWI4BEknjRUnjjzZko0kq5NMEzDOFp_6T5FNJ1RLfFnW2h0FBqIgGfqzkGHxUU0nds8Mp1rQHTr9SO2iVakad2fgo_BdPxUB-TfXsPFfELC-jL6KDZoPE28k3oH_i2IB040Y/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8094_edited-1.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu352Wkvjca-N1VDj8l3nNSYx0rejm97IHaFbiU_-ii3487MByNbw7lnTwaGjdZrYd1sJBd8_D5of7YfgeTT8tPp5S-oJJAFA6639MAUF5NeyBmRATloQWjEwNbafmoTwqYRgZzelICmdz/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8099_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu352Wkvjca-N1VDj8l3nNSYx0rejm97IHaFbiU_-ii3487MByNbw7lnTwaGjdZrYd1sJBd8_D5of7YfgeTT8tPp5S-oJJAFA6639MAUF5NeyBmRATloQWjEwNbafmoTwqYRgZzelICmdz/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8099_edited-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6uUYsmbWK_tw4thnzIuw3Ziu1xMy2YbRavPIqYPtRQK5Dzzte5Kxt2-leK_CxjDu2nQRGI5_jTMEHeZMoRa54qYEW8oY5hW1f0hN4rgLtvaYwb99LuRUTOxy2WCxQ4CQBXmRzapMZjl6P/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8102_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6uUYsmbWK_tw4thnzIuw3Ziu1xMy2YbRavPIqYPtRQK5Dzzte5Kxt2-leK_CxjDu2nQRGI5_jTMEHeZMoRa54qYEW8oY5hW1f0hN4rgLtvaYwb99LuRUTOxy2WCxQ4CQBXmRzapMZjl6P/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8102_edited-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1vu7Cj4mbVKynr7NFagw6W_6ID2QD71c6vmZGkOasDOYTbEiFFrBI6wGReJFZ_n8tDykygIoSm9PYlF7veoYThgDb3F73E2QD1VNHVrRS8YHZWbznxmFqNoruW26iqgJE3564Oj0iJEFw/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8104_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1vu7Cj4mbVKynr7NFagw6W_6ID2QD71c6vmZGkOasDOYTbEiFFrBI6wGReJFZ_n8tDykygIoSm9PYlF7veoYThgDb3F73E2QD1VNHVrRS8YHZWbznxmFqNoruW26iqgJE3564Oj0iJEFw/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8104_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_CR5v5ZPzSu9DLQnhPN-e-NpG7uc1bqGImcRjECsZ7Bv8xCUqI8vPi53u74bqIS87u5zdzCDCxrhdZba6F2uiTHM8jdEGx7LvCQfmuq5zaGni7p5oomORugJqaU2nLDfe42Fi4YfAw7Cx/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8126_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_CR5v5ZPzSu9DLQnhPN-e-NpG7uc1bqGImcRjECsZ7Bv8xCUqI8vPi53u74bqIS87u5zdzCDCxrhdZba6F2uiTHM8jdEGx7LvCQfmuq5zaGni7p5oomORugJqaU2nLDfe42Fi4YfAw7Cx/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8126_edited-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCpVT_bqFVbYtvZmpkaW5avPN-taW-dxOIBy4e3gx3jCj1ElgbwJcgdqOPySNoDg9rb-VzBO8HVG46g3wJs112aYWIIVpgN0Ut7-uc643ZfqdIh50XGAWVzaJxas9Js6wE8RztP8e5dcoh/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8146_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix30mP48eoi35M2gHNCGt9tDNU26fxVaIm4RAs2XUHScbZD3LQ2mhvwfJp1qcX3CiU-1OIit0jlhNdnlOUPBGRIndwXgYadVcbWpz76I18iQ88o28-eUhgGRLWfCauYCcDtq7F2aSsUyUE/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8132_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix30mP48eoi35M2gHNCGt9tDNU26fxVaIm4RAs2XUHScbZD3LQ2mhvwfJp1qcX3CiU-1OIit0jlhNdnlOUPBGRIndwXgYadVcbWpz76I18iQ88o28-eUhgGRLWfCauYCcDtq7F2aSsUyUE/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8132_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCpVT_bqFVbYtvZmpkaW5avPN-taW-dxOIBy4e3gx3jCj1ElgbwJcgdqOPySNoDg9rb-VzBO8HVG46g3wJs112aYWIIVpgN0Ut7-uc643ZfqdIh50XGAWVzaJxas9Js6wE8RztP8e5dcoh/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8146_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCpVT_bqFVbYtvZmpkaW5avPN-taW-dxOIBy4e3gx3jCj1ElgbwJcgdqOPySNoDg9rb-VzBO8HVG46g3wJs112aYWIIVpgN0Ut7-uc643ZfqdIh50XGAWVzaJxas9Js6wE8RztP8e5dcoh/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8146_edited-1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj59xQ13bS3wCR7lz3q7wEdLM_ldBUT8OuAjWw8ep-pnR8LVfubBXpajoEx699SxILonmvHao1IASQ13cqhuB5e9LBZm2U5eS_Ct9KaAa_FxE6LLiZmFQGWTUQMIGKBVN6z5Qg_LwDUeOqU/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8156_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj59xQ13bS3wCR7lz3q7wEdLM_ldBUT8OuAjWw8ep-pnR8LVfubBXpajoEx699SxILonmvHao1IASQ13cqhuB5e9LBZm2U5eS_Ct9KaAa_FxE6LLiZmFQGWTUQMIGKBVN6z5Qg_LwDUeOqU/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8156_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiONRiNfHJdE_YJa9JxxD1LCh3sTntnWiBx7O2csXkdrwKX4No20efdISufyHGjQGj7OsjF4BDttvrpCeF2BYRO27z1ql2v3Nmv-Y82dRDd9d7JPuOrKVB8spCdRXOvSCIMNhVLSBBDV-E/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8169_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiONRiNfHJdE_YJa9JxxD1LCh3sTntnWiBx7O2csXkdrwKX4No20efdISufyHGjQGj7OsjF4BDttvrpCeF2BYRO27z1ql2v3Nmv-Y82dRDd9d7JPuOrKVB8spCdRXOvSCIMNhVLSBBDV-E/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8169_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZcnKmN5Naxt7oDiLXS51GwYPsTyxWgbI1EnOuxjPO98_GkkD5ME5RM3S95yJt7tooQvzBoDpO6R2T94rjnEGQJzrvBLv74Sgiypc7pw6HkJmbCryReJyIZN1iwmsQPbHUlkT5-4g2Xk1M/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8176_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZcnKmN5Naxt7oDiLXS51GwYPsTyxWgbI1EnOuxjPO98_GkkD5ME5RM3S95yJt7tooQvzBoDpO6R2T94rjnEGQJzrvBLv74Sgiypc7pw6HkJmbCryReJyIZN1iwmsQPbHUlkT5-4g2Xk1M/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8176_edited-1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZcnKmN5Naxt7oDiLXS51GwYPsTyxWgbI1EnOuxjPO98_GkkD5ME5RM3S95yJt7tooQvzBoDpO6R2T94rjnEGQJzrvBLv74Sgiypc7pw6HkJmbCryReJyIZN1iwmsQPbHUlkT5-4g2Xk1M/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8176_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlye9AezPslgK-sEXD5hRNOIZ9BE2HmIwb0RN-81E3Fi556LsC_AMOJn6uNjc2tJIVNVqWsQY7XZlWwNY-YTUq6AH7Ue3ZT01JWyf-yvDYUFrJrJQqyZXe68OqyOWbnuXJKWacjynB4kLk/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8178_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlye9AezPslgK-sEXD5hRNOIZ9BE2HmIwb0RN-81E3Fi556LsC_AMOJn6uNjc2tJIVNVqWsQY7XZlWwNY-YTUq6AH7Ue3ZT01JWyf-yvDYUFrJrJQqyZXe68OqyOWbnuXJKWacjynB4kLk/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8178_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5ZH656FOAvs_CYlgujZNZ0_RoPtUn5h13erdGQ4TSjtBVnw3WBYo28yE42FnpZLVJrqaJ0o5oOy7gFVF4Gno_FS3Jq7LO2ez7pPQB-ICGhwMOAcv34FOXv-czy2J6mPjcMIvUQGDiOqKN/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8209_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6hQXO0gl1hoGziF3hadEiVA0aeGvz2yLBYhWs9Db2VMmam5nLAdp9UmuJWiHl4ZtoyItmj3k10vIH9G_5bw_OK7Nf8oua4BLJmhg2QaWIwMFs9tWVNpQdvUKzNnUzbaF0oCqlL4KgbSbx/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8200_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6hQXO0gl1hoGziF3hadEiVA0aeGvz2yLBYhWs9Db2VMmam5nLAdp9UmuJWiHl4ZtoyItmj3k10vIH9G_5bw_OK7Nf8oua4BLJmhg2QaWIwMFs9tWVNpQdvUKzNnUzbaF0oCqlL4KgbSbx/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8200_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5ZH656FOAvs_CYlgujZNZ0_RoPtUn5h13erdGQ4TSjtBVnw3WBYo28yE42FnpZLVJrqaJ0o5oOy7gFVF4Gno_FS3Jq7LO2ez7pPQB-ICGhwMOAcv34FOXv-czy2J6mPjcMIvUQGDiOqKN/s1600/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8209_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5ZH656FOAvs_CYlgujZNZ0_RoPtUn5h13erdGQ4TSjtBVnw3WBYo28yE42FnpZLVJrqaJ0o5oOy7gFVF4Gno_FS3Jq7LO2ez7pPQB-ICGhwMOAcv34FOXv-czy2J6mPjcMIvUQGDiOqKN/s320/Aug092015_Amalia%2526JoshMaternity_8209_edited-1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div>
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-18577100049582775642016-06-18T07:11:00.000-07:002016-06-18T07:32:03.110-07:00Caroline's Butterflies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXnJRvbbdGquGmvgkzSw3r4LtJ3DrbEdqccGMIcTMNbPhrbw_XBAbWitgKJtA4fKlEEzbDjE1jfTrG_3cmUNv0gxm0WsV_1PdecKliLTC4xHJ9p96IFesqi8yMc0WMQJ_MJoMXqZT61Uke/s1600/20160618_082218.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXnJRvbbdGquGmvgkzSw3r4LtJ3DrbEdqccGMIcTMNbPhrbw_XBAbWitgKJtA4fKlEEzbDjE1jfTrG_3cmUNv0gxm0WsV_1PdecKliLTC4xHJ9p96IFesqi8yMc0WMQJ_MJoMXqZT61Uke/s320/20160618_082218.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Yesterday we celebrated Caroline's second birthday. It was a day filled with so much emotion, lots of healing tears, and many laughs and smiles. I am so thankful that it turned out to be a day of remembering her life, and all the joy that she brought into my life. It was a day to miss her more than ever before. It was a day to cry, because sometimes there just aren't the right words. It was a day to talk about her, and to think about what could have been. It was a day to celebrate her beauty, and the impact her life has made on so many. It was a day of sadness, and a day of joy. It was a day to hug Noah just a little bit tighter, and whisper "I love you" just a million times more. It was a day to spend with family, and to remember with them. It was a day to feel blessed, oh so incredibly blessed, by the outpouring of love and prayers. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana";"> From the very bottom of my heart, I want to say thank you. My phone was filled with texts and phone calls, sharing so much love and encouragement! We received beautiful flowers, which brightened up the day! Thank you for all the kind Facebook messages, and for taking the time to read my blog posts. Thank you to everyone who reached out to me yesterday, to everyone who spoke her name, took the time to pray for us, and to offer us words of love and support. I cannot even begin to say how much it all meant. Thank you to each of you! It was yesterday when I realized, that Caroline will not be forgotten. There are so many beautiful people who love her so much, and who are willing to help us remember her in the most beautiful of ways. Thank you for helping us to remember her! Losing a baby is so incredibly painful, difficult, and life changing, but from a mommy's heart who knows and understands, I can tell you that just helping to share her story, and to speak her name, makes all the difference in the world. Thank you for helping to making yesterday so special. Thank you for remembering our sweet Caroline Joy! </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana";"></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQkLDpWMc95ZfidnTGp8LF2K6hjvzFITx3VEPVBW_6iEybxFwd086Cc1JsNOimmy7WID82XNkAE4iuzMLs8isT-CkahuReE7jqoQdC4xhBqyKafTNDMPQrNQmTN0-FZHywBe7snHuEL9iE/s1600/20160617_185334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9VbF45Nx6gSdEXQF1rTR2IWcxmamrPiLYpQWNzFPgNLaJsfzHMdq2gyYmU2NLqBeVPt7fF29M1ppNmwm-udVLGruFMZ8EzYokuK7nMV6jyNIa8g7h0Sq6AkJ-I84Y7i48DGdF80WchULa/s1600/20160617_185146.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9VbF45Nx6gSdEXQF1rTR2IWcxmamrPiLYpQWNzFPgNLaJsfzHMdq2gyYmU2NLqBeVPt7fF29M1ppNmwm-udVLGruFMZ8EzYokuK7nMV6jyNIa8g7h0Sq6AkJ-I84Y7i48DGdF80WchULa/s320/20160617_185146.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQkLDpWMc95ZfidnTGp8LF2K6hjvzFITx3VEPVBW_6iEybxFwd086Cc1JsNOimmy7WID82XNkAE4iuzMLs8isT-CkahuReE7jqoQdC4xhBqyKafTNDMPQrNQmTN0-FZHywBe7snHuEL9iE/s1600/20160617_185334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></div>
<div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQkLDpWMc95ZfidnTGp8LF2K6hjvzFITx3VEPVBW_6iEybxFwd086Cc1JsNOimmy7WID82XNkAE4iuzMLs8isT-CkahuReE7jqoQdC4xhBqyKafTNDMPQrNQmTN0-FZHywBe7snHuEL9iE/s1600/20160617_185334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQkLDpWMc95ZfidnTGp8LF2K6hjvzFITx3VEPVBW_6iEybxFwd086Cc1JsNOimmy7WID82XNkAE4iuzMLs8isT-CkahuReE7jqoQdC4xhBqyKafTNDMPQrNQmTN0-FZHywBe7snHuEL9iE/s1600/20160617_185334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQkLDpWMc95ZfidnTGp8LF2K6hjvzFITx3VEPVBW_6iEybxFwd086Cc1JsNOimmy7WID82XNkAE4iuzMLs8isT-CkahuReE7jqoQdC4xhBqyKafTNDMPQrNQmTN0-FZHywBe7snHuEL9iE/s320/20160617_185334.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQkLDpWMc95ZfidnTGp8LF2K6hjvzFITx3VEPVBW_6iEybxFwd086Cc1JsNOimmy7WID82XNkAE4iuzMLs8isT-CkahuReE7jqoQdC4xhBqyKafTNDMPQrNQmTN0-FZHywBe7snHuEL9iE/s1600/20160617_185334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;">
</a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQkLDpWMc95ZfidnTGp8LF2K6hjvzFITx3VEPVBW_6iEybxFwd086Cc1JsNOimmy7WID82XNkAE4iuzMLs8isT-CkahuReE7jqoQdC4xhBqyKafTNDMPQrNQmTN0-FZHywBe7snHuEL9iE/s1600/20160617_185334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEide3NLJ-VtlBXaPdTqQdra-ubZkFSckx30MJd8_DsDc48c4N2Y9VbgxlIUuHFfVGZRGp0rvGM8l0sTAHueN9KshCkp32zX2XI7E8JpMx_UyJkQuhguHbkwfz76HKY7EkrkrfUvT8kc57_R/s1600/20160618_082145-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEide3NLJ-VtlBXaPdTqQdra-ubZkFSckx30MJd8_DsDc48c4N2Y9VbgxlIUuHFfVGZRGp0rvGM8l0sTAHueN9KshCkp32zX2XI7E8JpMx_UyJkQuhguHbkwfz76HKY7EkrkrfUvT8kc57_R/s320/20160618_082145-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "verdana";"> Last night, as the sun started to set, Josh and I and Noah had a picnic by Caroline's special place. It was a beautiful summer night, one that makes you thankful to live in Michigan! As we sat there talking, and enjoying being together, I saw a beautiful butterfly fluttering nearby. Ever since we lost Caroline, I have always had a special appreciation for butterflies. They make me think of her, fluttering around in Heaven. I think about her every time I see a white butterfly flying around. I am so thankful that God sends those perfect little reminders to me, which always bring a smile to my face. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "verdana";"> In honor of Caroline, and her second birthday, we had a special plan for the night. Butterflies. Beautiful Butterflies. Lots of Beautiful Butterflies. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "verdana";">One of the greatest fears with losing Caroline, is that she will be forgotten. I never want people to forget her life. That she did exist. That she did live, and that she did fight. That her life was valuable, precious. I want her story, and her life to be remembered, and honored. I know that when we first learned of her diagnosis, that she was not going to live for long, we had to make the difficult visit to the cemetery. As I held my stomach tighter, where my sweet baby was safe inside, I remember walking through the cemetery, looking at the headstones. Such a cruel cruel moment, to feel my living baby moving inside, and yet be planning ahead for her death. It seemed terrible, like I was being tortured. But as we walked around the headstones, we noticed many small graves, with precious writing etched carefully into the stone. Babies. Children. All young. Different dates. Different stories. But precious, precious lives. Lost too soon. So last night, we placed butterflies on the headstones of those babies, and of those children. So many. It was so eye opening, to think of all the babies who never got to experience their first birthday. Josh and I, and our wonderful parents, wondered together at each of their stories. We looked at the dates, and said their sweet names. In my heart, I wondered, about their parents. They too had to face the unimaginable, burying a child, a baby, before they were buried themselves. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "verdana";"> Last night was tough, to think about all the sadness in this world. About all of the hurt, and of the pain and sadness. Of how unfair it all seems to be. Yet in the midst of it all, those brightly colored butterflies stood out. They stood as a symbol of hope, of love, and of peace. It felt right to honor those babies, those children, by placing a butterfly near their precious names. It felt right to think about them, to say their names, and to talk about it. It felt right to honor Caroline on her birthday, by honoring other babies who are also in Heaven. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "verdana";"> My hope is that if a mom, or a dad comes to visit the special place, where their baby or child is buried, that they will see that brightly colored butterfly. I hope they will realize that their baby is not forgotten, but so so loved. That they will be remembered! </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "verdana";"> It was a perfect way to end such a special day. The day that our baby girl turned 2 years old. We pray that she had a very special celebration in Heaven, and that she knows that we had a special celebration for her here on earth as well. My heart is full, knowing that my Caroline is so loved, and so thought of, by so many. And my hope is that we can countinue the butterfly tradition, to spread some hope, the hope that we have through our Heavenly Father. Happy second Birthday Caroline Joy! We love you!</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"><div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
We pray for blessings<br />We pray for peace<br />Comfort for family, protection while we sleep<br />We pray for healing, for prosperity<br />We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering<br />All the while, You hear each spoken need<br />Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things</div>
<div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops<br />What if Your healing comes through tears<br />What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near<br />What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise</div>
<div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
We pray for wisdom<br />Your voice to hear<br />We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near<br />We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love<br />As if every promise from Your Word is not enough<br />All the while, You hear each desperate plea<br />And long that we'd have faith to believe</div>
<div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
When friends betray us<br />When darkness seems to win<br />We know that pain reminds this heart<br />That this is not our home</div>
<div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
What if my greatest disappointments<br />Or the aching of this life<br />Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy<br />What if trials of this life<br />The rain, the storms, the hardest nights<br />Are your mercies in disguise</div>
</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Blessings</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> By Laura Story</span> Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-18696909741341442642016-06-17T06:59:00.001-07:002016-06-17T07:04:29.400-07:00Two Years- Happy Birthday Caroline<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ukqA_vl4XZyMcp-GDjmHKuHVA0BBVtivNaGJhyphenhyphenUkxupBLbRhR8Xd3mah7TIEn3ennJd4SZNXZ6pRRCE4mE8DWNgs1pywd9s4wcicBiNWbn8zGNmiNNuEgFJ5XgCyjDBGomcxU4Yr5WQS/s1600/20140617_051328_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ukqA_vl4XZyMcp-GDjmHKuHVA0BBVtivNaGJhyphenhyphenUkxupBLbRhR8Xd3mah7TIEn3ennJd4SZNXZ6pRRCE4mE8DWNgs1pywd9s4wcicBiNWbn8zGNmiNNuEgFJ5XgCyjDBGomcxU4Yr5WQS/s320/20140617_051328_HDR.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">June 17, 2014 </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The day our family went from two to three!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuN9AaTE0jZHMN2Jfs92O1Ccrh4npUsrRJ7ajWXDQeGuhXStbgTbmathJSt4UwgJKlAqhd-6FN9MlV8ngOs4mE75vb8v49A_v8VunaV3XIevgZR0d0J5ha38LVkhq3GnmSvAZv8IB5L21o/s1600/20140617_052345_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuN9AaTE0jZHMN2Jfs92O1Ccrh4npUsrRJ7ajWXDQeGuhXStbgTbmathJSt4UwgJKlAqhd-6FN9MlV8ngOs4mE75vb8v49A_v8VunaV3XIevgZR0d0J5ha38LVkhq3GnmSvAZv8IB5L21o/s320/20140617_052345_HDR.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Happy 2nd Birthday to my beautiful daughter, Caroline Joy!</span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This morning I woke up feeling sorry for myself. Sorry that I could not cover my daughter's bedroom door with pink balloons, frost a pink cake with sprinkles, and slip her into a special birthday dress. This morning I felt sad that I couldn't watch her face light up as she tore through the wrapping paper on her presents, or watch her dance around the room with a shine in her blue eyes. I felt sorry that I couldn't watch her kiss her little brothers'cheek as he woke up, and see them play with the birthday balloons together. I was sad that I couldn't hear her precious little voice, and laugh at her squeals of joy. I felt sad. I felt sorry. It hurts at how much we miss. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"> But this morning, in the twinkling light of her pink candle, I remembered her life. Her most precious life. When I brushed the tears away, and allowed myself to smile, I felt that joy. The joy that she has and continues to bring into my life. The joy that I have felt ever since that first moment I discovered I was pregnant. The joy that I still feel, two years later, every time I think of my Caroline. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"> She had a special way of turning my sadness into joy. There were so many days, when I was heading home from work, when I was just a crying mess. I was so sad, so angry, so confused, and so hurt. I could barely see through my tears. But it was in those moments, that she would choose to move her little body! Her kicks were few, but they always came at just the perfect moments. There was nothing else I could do but break into a huge smile. She just knew how to make her mommy smile and laugh. I still remember the moment when I felt her first kick, it was about a week after we learned that she had Limb Body Wall Complex. I was sitting at the table, working on student evaluations, the sun was streaming into our dining room window. I had just turned on my Pandora station of children's music, which I played to her often. Suddenly, I felt the most gentle, tickling movement. At first it didn't fully register to me. But then it happened again. I knew it was her, and that she was finally big enough for me to feel her move! It was a very special moment, because just days before, the doctor had explained to us, that because of the way her body was formed, I likely wouldn't feel much movement at all. But there it was, those first butterfly flutters in my tummy! It was the best! Let me just tell you, I did not stop smiling for the rest of the day. My whole pregnancy was like that, filled with so many ups and downs, but anytime I got down, there was always something that would happen to make me smile. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"> I learned during that time, just what it meant to experience joy. Real joy. Now joy is different than happiness. Because sometimes I just did not feel happy at all, usually the complete opposite. Happiness is an outward expression or an inward feeling when something is good or pleasurable to you, it is usually temporary, and based on your circumstance or situation. But I discovered that joy comes outside of your circumstances. I did not always feel happy, but yet my heart felt like it was smiling when I thought of my daughter. Our situation, what we knew was coming, was just pain awful. Every single part of it felt cruel, harsh, and unnatural. We were walking down such a painful road, one that I wish no one would ever have to experience. But through that journey, and even now today, I have learned that joy dances right alongside of grief. I struggle with finding the words to explain how it all works, and I think that is okay. Because it is only in those deepest, darkest moments, when it completely makes sense. How you can feel so sad, so empty, so hurt, and yet in your heart there is joy? I can not explain it, but I do know that it must come from God! Today, as I remember those precious moments that Caroline and I shared together, I think about God's blessing on me in those moments. I am so thankful that He was able to fill my heart with that joy, because otherwise the grief and the sadness would have been too much to bear. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"> Two years ago my Caroline entered into this world, at 5:16am. She came into this world silently, but made a big impact on those who know her story. I remember gazing at her perfect face, and stroking her dark hair (I am still amazed at how much dark curly hair she had). The moment they laid her on my chest, I wanted to protect her. I wanted to hold her and never let go. I think that is a mommy's instinct, the need, the desire to protect her children. But as the doctor gently placed the stethoscope on her tiny chest, and gave us a solemn nod, I knew that my time to protect her was limited. I knew that I would only be able to hold her for so long. Yet I clung to her, and held her just a little tighter. I started memorizing her face, every perfect detail. No matter the chaos going on around us in that operating room, hearing them call out her time of death, I was her mommy, and she was my baby. I was going to protect her forever, even if I had to let her go.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-s3jU35kR3p2jjJXZW-Y3aJLveeNJd2D3bifJ-7o23v_UFia-Mms82SfCCIgjwk3u2o9BlLxNzCmGLRfhxsTdGXzZO1q9QxtYHkqPbPGVjZfRcgH3WFF0EVEue5UAwZqZcqhR4swza_25/s1600/20140617_053136_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-s3jU35kR3p2jjJXZW-Y3aJLveeNJd2D3bifJ-7o23v_UFia-Mms82SfCCIgjwk3u2o9BlLxNzCmGLRfhxsTdGXzZO1q9QxtYHkqPbPGVjZfRcgH3WFF0EVEue5UAwZqZcqhR4swza_25/s320/20140617_053136_HDR.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"> Now here I am, two years later, looking at pictures of that special day. The day that my daughter was born. I look at pictures that a nurse so graciously took for us, of the first moments we shared with her. I am so thankful for all of the emotions and feelings that come to my mind as I remember her and remember that day. After two years, I have learned that emotions and feelings are good. It is how our body processes and heals. It is not easy, in fact, I still believe that grieving is a full time job. But it is so necessary. There are days when I go about my life, feeling like I have completely adjusted to this "new normal". Days when I feel genuinely happy, and smiling and laughing are so natural and easy. There are days when I just do not feel much of anything, and that is a nice relief. But there are days when the grief is still so close, I can feel it like a knot in my throat. It is so real. The difficult part is not knowing when those days will happen. Not knowing when that next trigger is going to push that knot right down to my heart. But I have come to learn that it is all part of the journey, the journey of grief and of loss. There will be good days, and thankfully there are more and more of them as time goes on. But you also never know when something will cause you to take a step backward again, and to feel those tears just begging to be released. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"> But when I think about my daughter, and her precious life, I know that she is worth it all. I would not trade my life, as difficult as it can be, for anything. Because being her mommy is the greatest gift in the world. I am so blessed to be able to love her, to celebrate her, and to share her story. I know that every single tear I have cried, is only because of the depth of love that I have for her. I know that when I get angry, or jealous, it is only because of how much I wish she could be here in my arms right now. I know that the strength that I have to continue moving forward, one step at a time, is because she fought to meet me. I know that the hope that I feel, is because of the promise that I will one day see her again! </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"> So today we celebrate our sweet Caroline Joy! Today we celebrate her life, and all of the many ways she has taught us about love, joy, and strength. Today we thank God for giving her to us, and for allowing us to be her parents. Today we thank God for being such a good and faithful Father, who never leaves our side. Today am thankful for all the people who support us, love us, and help us celebrate our daughters life. Today I am thankful for all the prayers! Today I am thankful that in a world that WILL fail us, we have a God who will NEVER fail us. Today I am thankful for Caroline's little brother Noah, who even in this moment is making me laugh and smile. Today I am thankful that I can tell Noah all about his big sister, and that we can celebrate her birthday together. Today I am thankful for the 56,064 people who have visisted this blog site and read about Caroline's story (what an impact her life has made on so many people). What a blessing! I am so beyond blessed! </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";">Happy 2nd Birthday to my beautiful daughter! You are so loved and so missed my sweet girl. We are sending up lots of big birthday hugs to you today, as we know you are having a special celebration up in Heaven today! We love you Caroline Joy! Until we meet again...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8af21uSnq8plKx6dAhFDKIuSHt4LiNIp2bKzQ8jbBgQVMZNAPma3hTbGhVPf2p9N_u59DKqfSekfQyttVazqnzW2VFLFyAqWeFlCIV3YusSd4UifQENfXeT7DOAuK8rM70_6CKzDRuMFq/s1600/IMG_4420_edited-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8af21uSnq8plKx6dAhFDKIuSHt4LiNIp2bKzQ8jbBgQVMZNAPma3hTbGhVPf2p9N_u59DKqfSekfQyttVazqnzW2VFLFyAqWeFlCIV3YusSd4UifQENfXeT7DOAuK8rM70_6CKzDRuMFq/s320/IMG_4420_edited-2.jpg" width="213" /></a></span></div>
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";">
</span>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"></span><div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";">I want to be close,close to Your side</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";">So Heaven is real and death is, a lie</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";">I want to hear voices of angels above </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";">Singing as one</span></div>
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";">
<div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
Hallelujah, holy, holy<br />
God Almighty, the great I am<br />
Who is worthy, none beside Thee<br />
God Almighty, the great I am</div>
<div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="b_paractl" style="text-align: center;">
-The Great I Am</div>
</span><span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "verdana";"><div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</span>Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-58136108377547185872016-06-17T05:10:00.001-07:002016-06-17T05:10:15.422-07:00A picture is worth a thousand words...and then some.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-OPSZK7HxGTwChLQDSVVNMgOTxNCn582RClb1ZfN4ARjmSBKwwNkfbyuZFcqohoUgUE60Iexqfp-E8VIW2IG66jYG2R50OCq_JhCXNfDtVMiy5WGYEGa5BvmkeUHo71DzyHh-QvRZJ9j6/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0670_edited-wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-OPSZK7HxGTwChLQDSVVNMgOTxNCn582RClb1ZfN4ARjmSBKwwNkfbyuZFcqohoUgUE60Iexqfp-E8VIW2IG66jYG2R50OCq_JhCXNfDtVMiy5WGYEGa5BvmkeUHo71DzyHh-QvRZJ9j6/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0670_edited-wm.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAOZ_uvdaCZPA6rdfsV5t5ZD3ytoKl06s4MjW0N6w8GjfhTCXuRT5I2dGX3VmAVKCdCA8wp5bwUWU8yyiN4lAPB1KW0cJNEcjtKxjscnYaQYYdVzVe6_Qpq-TyCC2b_716X633IuFurJjV/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0738_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRFeDOli5o8b0j3yFuwnwu9Mnx8mGbhBDApJYfzD2J9JH1lWdAF0zE6iqf-FT1S1tQrXoWv1dAR44N4WUdVA8XipwHSVybqNmSbb0N8KoQpqTPQGxhZARnX0Rb39HXCCppdwWSSzZW5dgo/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0683_edited-1wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRFeDOli5o8b0j3yFuwnwu9Mnx8mGbhBDApJYfzD2J9JH1lWdAF0zE6iqf-FT1S1tQrXoWv1dAR44N4WUdVA8XipwHSVybqNmSbb0N8KoQpqTPQGxhZARnX0Rb39HXCCppdwWSSzZW5dgo/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0683_edited-1wm.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAOZ_uvdaCZPA6rdfsV5t5ZD3ytoKl06s4MjW0N6w8GjfhTCXuRT5I2dGX3VmAVKCdCA8wp5bwUWU8yyiN4lAPB1KW0cJNEcjtKxjscnYaQYYdVzVe6_Qpq-TyCC2b_716X633IuFurJjV/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0738_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAOZ_uvdaCZPA6rdfsV5t5ZD3ytoKl06s4MjW0N6w8GjfhTCXuRT5I2dGX3VmAVKCdCA8wp5bwUWU8yyiN4lAPB1KW0cJNEcjtKxjscnYaQYYdVzVe6_Qpq-TyCC2b_716X633IuFurJjV/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0738_edited-1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNv7UKHDyIchtRVLJfa52YYZAxDKIw9OLqZGtdM_D8I2PjHqycWlZLbPVPMBaaymzPuiVEepPg43yc-RLBI9R4z9aHVB6sZtn7_vmu_m3KyAqiXM2tHCP1krgrSb58EwBVdOVu2gJZyZTg/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0920_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNv7UKHDyIchtRVLJfa52YYZAxDKIw9OLqZGtdM_D8I2PjHqycWlZLbPVPMBaaymzPuiVEepPg43yc-RLBI9R4z9aHVB6sZtn7_vmu_m3KyAqiXM2tHCP1krgrSb58EwBVdOVu2gJZyZTg/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0920_edited-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8jCmKEN4Go5msU1Lb-ekXiq-Xoi727_e5mWWtsC6FvQBcV6G4UmoShqrYHtlrP0LipagAbM1rYqr5s3DE2NqIsHYBAapeSdaO5YEWaDYGKmyjg8yWW30VZUSwXXON4dWNRajiOfiWdnOT/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0846_edited-1wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8jCmKEN4Go5msU1Lb-ekXiq-Xoi727_e5mWWtsC6FvQBcV6G4UmoShqrYHtlrP0LipagAbM1rYqr5s3DE2NqIsHYBAapeSdaO5YEWaDYGKmyjg8yWW30VZUSwXXON4dWNRajiOfiWdnOT/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0846_edited-1wm.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKVTzelHl-uyxoZDLygyvb-_dGkMkdT8EOqiUIeNHXVHG5JpMWV2Ef4QACdXPGpvLGXnsQccNmZEvbwcxwRDMNKb-1BeNLyuV43dG72ARRADy9sV-jinIA3h2cFD2JFLFnA5r96nZlQk36/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0884_edited-1wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAi8N9dumm1WcL7NbTpBRMz2FaoUgZXm0-LBeYA1sWfFjrGXw3XO-dp8GC4B6ILUDxGG_zfgcVCMDoORmtVnW1gIDniJeVISQb6Jy-KwlBdbsSOMtCvLL_qbzmVpJSoeQBjPGfbzp4pVOI/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_1020_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAi8N9dumm1WcL7NbTpBRMz2FaoUgZXm0-LBeYA1sWfFjrGXw3XO-dp8GC4B6ILUDxGG_zfgcVCMDoORmtVnW1gIDniJeVISQb6Jy-KwlBdbsSOMtCvLL_qbzmVpJSoeQBjPGfbzp4pVOI/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_1020_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKVTzelHl-uyxoZDLygyvb-_dGkMkdT8EOqiUIeNHXVHG5JpMWV2Ef4QACdXPGpvLGXnsQccNmZEvbwcxwRDMNKb-1BeNLyuV43dG72ARRADy9sV-jinIA3h2cFD2JFLFnA5r96nZlQk36/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0884_edited-1wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKVTzelHl-uyxoZDLygyvb-_dGkMkdT8EOqiUIeNHXVHG5JpMWV2Ef4QACdXPGpvLGXnsQccNmZEvbwcxwRDMNKb-1BeNLyuV43dG72ARRADy9sV-jinIA3h2cFD2JFLFnA5r96nZlQk36/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0884_edited-1wm.jpg" width="206" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdt36uJ8LqOXuDI8pVVCl0_rHmvIEG9LBGZpvOuP928iiO8kGQFIbcZdB3yQc8cdCjw-3XRNpLQgOh8vIkqzKwQ0AVHik7hFQjjRKEkLXjTdamViA5e_QSH1HfUXY3yCPLorgoPcgxx-Lf/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0950_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdt36uJ8LqOXuDI8pVVCl0_rHmvIEG9LBGZpvOuP928iiO8kGQFIbcZdB3yQc8cdCjw-3XRNpLQgOh8vIkqzKwQ0AVHik7hFQjjRKEkLXjTdamViA5e_QSH1HfUXY3yCPLorgoPcgxx-Lf/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0950_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This morning as I sat watching the faintest light beginning to peek through the windows, I remembered. I remembered these beautiful moments, when we laughed through the pain, and embraced every moment of our pregnancy with Caroline. In our heads, in our hearts, we knew that our time with her was going to be short, and there was so much uncertainty facing us ahead. Yet I remember feeling the upmost joy in those moments. Those moments when we could just stop, and take the time to cherish every second of her beautiful life. We knew, then and there, that she was a fighter. Continuing to face the odds, and growing bigger each and every day. We had so much love for our little baby, even though we had yet to meet face to face. Our hearts were so full for the baby who continued to fight each day, to meet us. </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> These pictures were taken by my amazing cousin, at 33 weeks into our pregnancy with Caroline. Little did we know in those moments, that in just two weeks, we would be meeting her and then saying goodbye. This morning as I cried over each one, I sat in complete thankfulness. What a gift to have these beautiful pictures to remember. To remember the moments when everything just felt right. When everything felt normal. Never once at the beginning of my pregnancy did I dream that our pregnancy would be different than any other normal couple experiencing pregnancy. I envisioned us having maternity pictures, but only to celebrate a happy healthy pregnancy. But as I have learned, over and over again, our plans do not always go as expected. Instead, these pictures became a symbol, a symbol of Caroline's beautiful, but short life. I do not have the opportunity to fill up my phone, multiple times a month!, with pictures of Caroline. But I do have a few, very cherished, very special, very important pictures, that will forever help me remember her life. They will be pictures that I hold close to my heart forever. They hold a lifetime of memories for us. And this morning, I am so thankful to be able to hold them in my lap, and just allow myself to remember. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwcMF-8l0-0leB55KuMNDPoVROOnCDvA7dY4wEP3cIJ23Aj9sPSNPU_K-lC-MKgpGFFCxHG8ANKht1YqC0nAn69U7mST1ZD-GmYcWW5QkL6g05vS4nYqBPE-EXV_O5Qx6WaFLNGkEWJ2lH/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0651_edited-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwcMF-8l0-0leB55KuMNDPoVROOnCDvA7dY4wEP3cIJ23Aj9sPSNPU_K-lC-MKgpGFFCxHG8ANKht1YqC0nAn69U7mST1ZD-GmYcWW5QkL6g05vS4nYqBPE-EXV_O5Qx6WaFLNGkEWJ2lH/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0651_edited-2.jpg" width="205" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhQBIpjCHQUisr5mKbS9H0BcjnGKLq0MmGHmsKobmPvzt_5hpYaPRmwWTxEwaqU1YD0rdFoqvnlilydfFe8_Yuw95Au92fAfmflpmJUc_dwW-jFXncbZCz-Lx0R877VoCsUI54iyDJ1zst/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0758_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhQBIpjCHQUisr5mKbS9H0BcjnGKLq0MmGHmsKobmPvzt_5hpYaPRmwWTxEwaqU1YD0rdFoqvnlilydfFe8_Yuw95Au92fAfmflpmJUc_dwW-jFXncbZCz-Lx0R877VoCsUI54iyDJ1zst/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0758_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFSn3tP21gQLPtGyRpBCGPQQY4aQcaGLkQu-CEDY6N8bAjo4f9mEznAkRLgUSYkkMiDCOl9tW2JxS9ebn9pPr-B6RaA215Xm630UlWuGCJ9RH-qrmYXZCxn2vBKT_glA-IgWA-Z_YydfG0/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0989_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFSn3tP21gQLPtGyRpBCGPQQY4aQcaGLkQu-CEDY6N8bAjo4f9mEznAkRLgUSYkkMiDCOl9tW2JxS9ebn9pPr-B6RaA215Xm630UlWuGCJ9RH-qrmYXZCxn2vBKT_glA-IgWA-Z_YydfG0/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0989_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd-BOTIpCKwXb5HSWlAe_RgPaSc7wEfRxLjsnsgrK3_XEaejoA-Cc3tAS-gkZZ1-YVUlos3BjkDkYsdRjXWnb9raZzvx2Mv4-NOo7iezANo_yqhaxCXYZj9ZtgWh506xLOgxGGS8vcE1um/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0605_edited-1wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd-BOTIpCKwXb5HSWlAe_RgPaSc7wEfRxLjsnsgrK3_XEaejoA-Cc3tAS-gkZZ1-YVUlos3BjkDkYsdRjXWnb9raZzvx2Mv4-NOo7iezANo_yqhaxCXYZj9ZtgWh506xLOgxGGS8vcE1um/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0605_edited-1wm.jpg" width="229" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoPxt5AqGjMmKiYT-sCF_yi0ge6WvRWDF-OwpaemCpxtfq1dyOJonaCNqW3LEj01Gir3xggsFbDFjZCETeeKkqCJYxOIntE4i37IWzVwSqdXkGfG5te3ZGUkzGZpXT9ZohyphenhyphenetoWUgr_eYT/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0679_edited-1-wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoPxt5AqGjMmKiYT-sCF_yi0ge6WvRWDF-OwpaemCpxtfq1dyOJonaCNqW3LEj01Gir3xggsFbDFjZCETeeKkqCJYxOIntE4i37IWzVwSqdXkGfG5te3ZGUkzGZpXT9ZohyphenhyphenetoWUgr_eYT/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0679_edited-1-wm.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM9BqjfOZIzhifOR5HCCe0R64QjFWtc0Iopqyhc65ZNcwDA_za0SA2uKQdy1faigoepxMOmniix6ftWafc5QVcAFObAvkc60nRpUGnDMDrn0YhAQjuNh2h09hmtLE-nqubgkS0_nVK1WXv/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0910_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM9BqjfOZIzhifOR5HCCe0R64QjFWtc0Iopqyhc65ZNcwDA_za0SA2uKQdy1faigoepxMOmniix6ftWafc5QVcAFObAvkc60nRpUGnDMDrn0YhAQjuNh2h09hmtLE-nqubgkS0_nVK1WXv/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0910_edited-1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoPxt5AqGjMmKiYT-sCF_yi0ge6WvRWDF-OwpaemCpxtfq1dyOJonaCNqW3LEj01Gir3xggsFbDFjZCETeeKkqCJYxOIntE4i37IWzVwSqdXkGfG5te3ZGUkzGZpXT9ZohyphenhyphenetoWUgr_eYT/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0679_edited-1-wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh09P0QhAfYPzmP5V47gP4dtDtsXuBrnqI8mh5ZkcV9YPNzxthKRVnfiRsJI8pOZLO4YHodcFFpj86RdXbvcXFcF-IIwJWuzk6oqD6cxbrx9kS2DcFPg-eks3qj7-ms2nMzIuw3FLakbC8N/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0769_edited-1wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh09P0QhAfYPzmP5V47gP4dtDtsXuBrnqI8mh5ZkcV9YPNzxthKRVnfiRsJI8pOZLO4YHodcFFpj86RdXbvcXFcF-IIwJWuzk6oqD6cxbrx9kS2DcFPg-eks3qj7-ms2nMzIuw3FLakbC8N/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_0769_edited-1wm.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir7iv9Zgs6EVBPvcz8yLVH9aRaV0oJdDRwusdM9cMF-7T2iK7WmIUfwi8SbvWVCr6ieyeXDPXZWADo-WQtNvWNAoij_4Az-zmHsoVj-a0qTR8dP_Pq1oKztoJGEp5z6Q6oMlXNH3kjI0IE/s1600/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_1045_edited-1wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir7iv9Zgs6EVBPvcz8yLVH9aRaV0oJdDRwusdM9cMF-7T2iK7WmIUfwi8SbvWVCr6ieyeXDPXZWADo-WQtNvWNAoij_4Az-zmHsoVj-a0qTR8dP_Pq1oKztoJGEp5z6Q6oMlXNH3kjI0IE/s320/Amalia+%2526+Josh+Maternity_1045_edited-1wm.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-9037064191897891632016-05-17T12:12:00.000-07:002016-05-17T12:26:37.906-07:00Dear Caroline,<div>
<span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIGmFVXYfdOrkinj0Q-KZVBPqE2me-S4ojIMHBJzp2uihm3AaLbnWLaLcWUzJqWvkQYUL9-Kv0jIekP_NtEK3PsnbHuhp6g24owJf-YT_zDZHcWZiv0qoirXjgSG1PlM6UiAvOZ3z5m1Y5/s1600/20160517_153815.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIGmFVXYfdOrkinj0Q-KZVBPqE2me-S4ojIMHBJzp2uihm3AaLbnWLaLcWUzJqWvkQYUL9-Kv0jIekP_NtEK3PsnbHuhp6g24owJf-YT_zDZHcWZiv0qoirXjgSG1PlM6UiAvOZ3z5m1Y5/s320/20160517_153815.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta;">Dear Caroline,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta;"> Today I wanted to use pink, just to see it. The color that reminds me of you. That will always remind me of you. The color that I wish I could see around our house, and dress you in. The color that I always dreamed of using for my daughter. You see sweet girl, your mommy still has a difficult time looking at little girl clothes in the store. It is a very painful reminder of what I never was able to buy for you. I have looked a million times, and even allowed myself a few glances, dreaming of what could have been. Yet each time I am stopped by the pain that hits my heart. The reality of losing you. Oh how I wanted to buy you those precious little dresses and bows. I wish I could buy fancy shoes for you, and watch your eyes sparkle as you tried them on. I wish that I could watch your silky dark hair flow behind you as you danced around. Because now, you would almost be two. I cannot believe that I would be a mother to a two year old. A toddler. Oh what fun we would be having right now, watching you grow up. Watching you love on your little brother. We would know your little personality. The things that you liked. The things that you didn't like. How much you loved us. We would be hearing your sweet little voice singing and talking. We would be watching you grow up and learn so many new things. It is so hard to understand why we will never experience these moments with you here on earth. Why we never had the chance to get to know you. Your mommy will forever wonder about you, and who you would become. Your mommy will always have to turn her head when she looks at those precious pink dresses, because it hurts my heart too much. Your mommy will always wish she could have just one more kiss, and one more chance to run my hands through your silky dark hair. I will always wish for what will never be. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta;"> Today I am thinking of you precious girl, even more than I always do. Today is the day that you would turn 23 months old. Only one more month until your second birthday. I wish that we could be planning for a special birthday party, and getting excited for you to turn a whole year older. I wish we could celebrate all of your big milestones, accomplishments, and the special gift that you are to us. But instead your mommy is feeling sad, knowing that it is another year away from you. Another year of being apart. Another year where the memories that I hold so deeply in my heart, seem to fade just a little bit more. Another year of missing you with every breath I take. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta;"> It scares me sweet girl, to think that you are being forgotten. I hear your name less and less. Sometimes I just sit with your blanket in my arms, looking through your pictures, saying your name out loud. So that I can hear it. So that I can remember. So that I can continue to imprint each memory back into my heart. I just want you to know precious girl, that I will never forget you. You will always be our first baby, my first daughter, and a member of our family. We will always be a family of four, even though on earth it seems as though we are only three. I will continue to work each day of my life to keep your memory alive, and to celebrate your life. I will continue to share your story, and do my best to reach out to those who are hurting. I will continue to speak your name, your beautiful name, because you did exist. I will continue to be so proud of you, and thank God each day for the honor of being your mommy. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta;"> Today I also rejoice Caroline, at the celebration you must be having every day in Heaven. I rejoice in knowing that you are safe in the arms of Jesus, and that there He has made you whole, and perfect through His great love and sacrifice. I rejoice in knowing that you are constantly feeling the greatest of love, and that you are experiencing it with every breath that you take. I rejoice in knowing that you are never alone. I rejoice in knowing that you know nothing of pain, suffering, and sadness. I rejoice in knowing that one day, we will all be together again. A day that your mommy longs for with every breath I take. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta;"> Caroline Joy, your mommy also wants you to know what a difference your life continues to make, even though you are no longer here with us. Even for the short 35 weeks that you were here, your life made more of an impact that I could have ever dreamed. I am so proud of you my sweet girl. I know that God had a plan for your life. He had a beautiful plan for your life. He continues to use your story to touch other people. It doesn't make it any easier, and your mommy wishes it were different, and yet I am so thankful. I am thankful that God is making beauty out of pain. I am glad that God is using the hurt, and sadness, and grief, to touch hearts. I am glad that your life has inspired me to be a better person, one who desires to serve others. I am thankful that my heart is forever changed, because of you. I am thankful that God continues to place opportunities in my life where I can minister to others. I never feel adequate, and yet God continues to fill me with exactly what I need to accomplish what He has called me to do. I know that God had a plan for your life, right from the first moment that you were formed. What a beautiful calling my daughter, to know that He can continue to use your life to reach out to others. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta;"> The last few days I have been listening over and over to a song that has spoken right to my heart. A song that not only acknowledges the pain, the hurt, the sadness, and the forever grief, but also a song that shows redemption and the promise of hope. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">You're shattered<br /> Like you've never been before<br /> The life you knew<br /> In a thousand pieces on the floor<br /> And words fall short in times like these<br /> When this world drives you to your knees<br /> You think you're never gonna get back<br /> To the you that used to be<br /><br /> Tell your heart to beat again<br /> Close your eyes and breathe it in<br /> Let the shadows fall away<br /> Step into the light of grace<br /> Yesterday's a closing door<br /> You don't live there anymore<br /> Say goodbye to where you've been<br /> And tell your heart to beat again<br /><br /> Beginning<br /> Just let that word wash over you<br /> It's alright now<br /> Love's healing hands have pulled you through<br /> So get back up, take step one<br /> Leave the darkness, feel the sun<br /> Cause your story's far from over<br /> And your journey's just begun<br /><br /> Tell your heart to beat again<br /> Close your eyes and breathe it in<br /> Let the shadows fall away<br /> Step into the light of grace<br /> Yesterday's a closing door<br /> You don't live there anymore<br /> Say goodbye to where you've been<br /> And tell your heart to beat again<br /><br /> Let every heartbreak<br /> And every scar<br /> Be a picture that reminds you<br /> Who has carried you this far<br /> 'Cause love sees farther than you ever could<br /> In this moment heaven's working<br /> Everything for your good<br /><br /> Tell your heart to beat again<br /> Close your eyes and breathe it in<br /> Let the shadows fall away<br /> Step into the light of grace<br /> Yesterday's a closing door<br /> You don't live there anymore<br /> Say goodbye to where you've been<br /> And tell your heart to beat again<br /> Your heart to beat again<br /> Beat again<br /><br /> Oh, so tell your heart to beat again</span><span style="color: magenta;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta;">I could write a million thoughts that come to mind when your mommy hears this song, but then this letter would never end! Your mommy loves to talk! But when I hear this song I think so much of the journey that God has brought us through. From those first moments of hearing your perfect heart beating, to hearing those painful words spoken by a doctor telling us you would never survive outside of my body. From all the tears I cried in helpless frustration, knowing it was a ticking time clock with nothing I could do to fix the terrible "diagnosis", to that night filled with incredible peace, when I knew it was time to meet you. Oh how much we went through together sweet girl. Riding in that car at 1am that early Tuesday morning, so unsure of what the next hours held. To that moment, that precious, life changing moment, when I held you for the first time. How those moments changed me forever. They are forever etched in my heart. You were such a miracle, always my miracle. I would do anything to change what has happened, and I will never stop missing you, but I am so thankful that my heart is beginning to beat again. I may not be at the place where this song describes yet, I know that I still have days when my heart just does not want to beat, because it still hurts. Yet somehow I know that every heartbreak, and every scar, is truly a picture that reminds me of the One who has carried me this far. Because I know that love sees farther than I ever can, and that God continues to work everything for my good. So Caroline, your mommy promises that through God's strength, I will continue to tell my heart to beat again. I will take each step forward with hope, knowing that God will continue to hold me close. I will continue to let the shadows fall away, and step into the light of grace. I will continue to hope for the future, and walk toward the sun. Because as the song says, "your story is far from over, and your journey has just begun." Your mommy looks forward to what God has in store for the future. I know that He is working things out for our good. I know that He has a plan, a beautiful plan. Your mommy stands here, with a broken heart, that misses her little girl, but with an open heart, that is hopeful for tomorrow. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: magenta;">Happy 23 months in Heaven to my beautiful girl. You are loved and missed more than you will ever know. Your mommy loves you with all of her heart. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta;">Until we meet again my Caroline Joy,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta;">Mommy</span></div>
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-50000278501219712492016-03-14T12:58:00.000-07:002016-03-14T13:19:15.077-07:00Called. Scared. Open. <span style="color: #38761d;"> Have you ever had that moment, when you felt God calling you to do something that made you very uncomfortable? I am sure you have experienced it. That moment when your heart races, and you cannot take it off your mind. You know what you should do, what you have to do, and yet somehow we make it seem as though it is still a choice. We play it over and over in our mind, thinking through every possible scenario. It is usually the worst case scenario. Because that is the easiest solution when we are scared and unsure.</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"> Ever since we have walked down this journey of losing Caroline, I have been faced with many opportunities where I felt God calling me to be a witness for Him. It has become a much more familiar and comfortable feeling over time. I believe that when you open up your heart, and allow God to begin to work through your pain and your hurt, He is able to use it for good. I have been so blessed to be given opportunities to share Caroline's story, and to share about God's faithfulness. It has never been easy, and usually I am filled with fear, hesitation, and self doubt. But the beauty of responding to God's call, is that He gives you exactly what you need in that very moment. He doesn't call us and then leave us hanging. He calls us and also equips us to serve Him. Even when we feel inadequate, or unworthy. </span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"> Tomorrow I have the opportunity to speak at a college, and to share Caroline's story with students who are close to graduation. I am not going to lie, I am really nervous. I am not a speaker, nor do I feel confident in myself. I am filled with so many insecurities and doubts. Yet I am so incredibly excited for this opportunity. I feel so grateful to be able to honor the life of my daughter by sharing her miraculous story. It is truly an answer to my prayers each day, that I will be able to share her life, and use her story to touch others. As her mommy, I am so proud to be able to talk about her, and to point others to the God who has never left our side. I know that it is what Caroline would want, and I also know that God has given me this opportunity for a reason. Despite my fears and insecurities, I am trusting that He will use me to lead others to Him. </span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"> I have realized over the course of the past three years, that the more I trust in God in my weakness, the stronger I become. What may have been overwhelming and scary at one time, is now not quite so difficult. The more I put my trust in Him, and listen for His call, the more I realize this important truth, God does not call us to do something that He does not give us the power and help to accomplish. So even though I am extremely anxious and worried about tomorrow, and I am fearful at how it will all go, I find myself falling to my knees, asking for help from the One who calls. The One who called me. The One who commands us, all of us, to go out and witness for Him. I trust that through me, the Lord will speak His Truths. I trust that He will give me the words to share. I trust that He will give me the strength and confidence that I need.</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"> I want to ask you today, what is it that God is calling you to do? Is there something that He has laid on your heart, that constantly fills your mind? Is there something that makes you uneasy or where you feel unworthy? Have you allowed yourself to be open to the possibility that God is calling you to reach out for Him? We are called to share His love, and to spread the Good News of His saving grace with those around us. What does that look like for you? I challenge you to think about that today and through this week. Allow yourself to be open to the Lord's leading. It can be scary to be open, because you never know what He will call you to do. Never in my life would I expect to be given this opportunity for a second time, to speak to a large group of people. Yet here I am. Ready and open to the Lord's leading, but oh so nervous and scared! I am standing humbled and amazed at how He works through my life, and praying that He will speak through me. Not my words Lord, but Yours. </span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;">"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8</span><br />
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><br /></span></div>
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-53995248963014775662016-01-10T19:03:00.002-08:002016-01-11T11:15:39.048-08:00Noah UpdateOur precious rainbow baby is 3 months old! He is 16 weeks on Monday. Where has the time gone? My little boy is growing up so quickly. He is such a blessing to us! We are so grateful, each and every day for God's gift. Little Noah has brought so much healing into our hearts. Each smile brings us such joy. Noah is doing so well. He is always so active, and surprises us each day with his new skills! His little legs rarely stop moving, and he has even rolled over a few times. Noah loves sleeping, and he is so good to his mommy and daddy. He sleeps through the night, and wakes up with a huge smile on his little face. We just can't get enough of him! Noah is quite the talker, and he loves talking to mommy and daddy, and especially his monkey! We have just loved watching him grow. I would like to share a few pictures of our sweet little boy with all of you. I happen to think he is pretty cute, even though I am really biased. ♡<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE-jmGTzplZwHAM8p3KJNdhIDvGZ4OD27Q8M0mRuulwaRSHPBXOyPtsdkQ4m7AFU9IV_RwTKd-agActLrXeo6wiVGmAVcPWyHst51zmYd1gc_gLJHg8m3EK4387-U4LG22bSXMxay-JjWe/s1600/20151222_144738.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE-jmGTzplZwHAM8p3KJNdhIDvGZ4OD27Q8M0mRuulwaRSHPBXOyPtsdkQ4m7AFU9IV_RwTKd-agActLrXeo6wiVGmAVcPWyHst51zmYd1gc_gLJHg8m3EK4387-U4LG22bSXMxay-JjWe/s320/20151222_144738.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuFdQ7Pm2VQUXXWivAisVz-Klo8Hjy_M2J6ryyG5hONr4m7ghKAUt4L8K83YbKoB9Qo9hCsUtrJ9cUfnXtG_TdYvqRXFQnmu_RKGecNXMg5ZMPG5e0xxpU5Ct6_44vaidxkZiKF18wAGwZ/s1600/20151121_173547.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuFdQ7Pm2VQUXXWivAisVz-Klo8Hjy_M2J6ryyG5hONr4m7ghKAUt4L8K83YbKoB9Qo9hCsUtrJ9cUfnXtG_TdYvqRXFQnmu_RKGecNXMg5ZMPG5e0xxpU5Ct6_44vaidxkZiKF18wAGwZ/s320/20151121_173547.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSveujC-Mj7W2_dx9MT7caPoW9__YDs6o21MHM_DQSOa4ak1mrlKtlafvy8AD8qaahUdaxUA766gBHJinuQhr15S2zSfx0QxMX-uUDrK4BTmG2i4uMgJUNusXK6fo0VtkrDW5sJOMOvX_r/s1600/20151020_122741.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSveujC-Mj7W2_dx9MT7caPoW9__YDs6o21MHM_DQSOa4ak1mrlKtlafvy8AD8qaahUdaxUA766gBHJinuQhr15S2zSfx0QxMX-uUDrK4BTmG2i4uMgJUNusXK6fo0VtkrDW5sJOMOvX_r/s320/20151020_122741.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAAtbga-uTNr9FU5pNIuvCUjC_fMV4oB-JJR_m94d-aT4xq7NOTgtUsfBHzAgaQLOaQfPeMrEd96Fe6RDkobOTD6NVuN50MmTr3hfewZcSJlu7pgTEly4A2uo7o2aZ5y9WhtnDn_iPdQRV/s1600/20151121_121537.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAAtbga-uTNr9FU5pNIuvCUjC_fMV4oB-JJR_m94d-aT4xq7NOTgtUsfBHzAgaQLOaQfPeMrEd96Fe6RDkobOTD6NVuN50MmTr3hfewZcSJlu7pgTEly4A2uo7o2aZ5y9WhtnDn_iPdQRV/s320/20151121_121537.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWiuF1cV1-PrzLAurEhEHvRmemY-_AO9cV7ySIMFAbex_PH_ro9Vf7_X0hyphenhyphenNGTQBq4JukQl3H-8tytjeh9bd853L0hipocLAAuFOGEIA5TCrAcUuYj8yMCMscrKaDMFVqjFkoKBcBUv2Dt/s1600/20151120_082912.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWiuF1cV1-PrzLAurEhEHvRmemY-_AO9cV7ySIMFAbex_PH_ro9Vf7_X0hyphenhyphenNGTQBq4JukQl3H-8tytjeh9bd853L0hipocLAAuFOGEIA5TCrAcUuYj8yMCMscrKaDMFVqjFkoKBcBUv2Dt/s320/20151120_082912.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqTC2lF5M6Q-mUYAeDEHWKERnyO1ByNTxbdMYhCXcOvNv3M9jLCn0qKWaOnBo9etnrd7mqzXtc2P2jlNlUUS48swDHZTFX0XaOhzmCyJQBM-xP6J_f6pj9wqNSfCAVClvEQoUtt_KpdHh2/s1600/20151121_173128%25280%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqTC2lF5M6Q-mUYAeDEHWKERnyO1ByNTxbdMYhCXcOvNv3M9jLCn0qKWaOnBo9etnrd7mqzXtc2P2jlNlUUS48swDHZTFX0XaOhzmCyJQBM-xP6J_f6pj9wqNSfCAVClvEQoUtt_KpdHh2/s320/20151121_173128%25280%2529.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlHBlc48hctOUthy7WJMZUhq7Ok6PkRIZD_TbSCXgOUdTcX2h05F_ooAbn5IuQz9sBqKCXpRlsmFBs7TzmiBRbHIktmOEDaSwm9Tdd3JRudJLKo63Rsj8ka6NrTkeSr-N38Ehdg4Aedfkb/s1600/20151202_153807.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlHBlc48hctOUthy7WJMZUhq7Ok6PkRIZD_TbSCXgOUdTcX2h05F_ooAbn5IuQz9sBqKCXpRlsmFBs7TzmiBRbHIktmOEDaSwm9Tdd3JRudJLKo63Rsj8ka6NrTkeSr-N38Ehdg4Aedfkb/s320/20151202_153807.jpeg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9A-c6bLXLrEW1Is0c3gOAtHS9YXx-SRnM3OkZNtqim2QrsmwdQuxebqcOapy5MTqnwmAGiCZXiBfqTr0H949hddx_TIMiI0dTgMcMRFIIbshyV-v-z0oqgctG10BhCgc60lSHBNH1pX5W/s1600/20151204_094324.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9A-c6bLXLrEW1Is0c3gOAtHS9YXx-SRnM3OkZNtqim2QrsmwdQuxebqcOapy5MTqnwmAGiCZXiBfqTr0H949hddx_TIMiI0dTgMcMRFIIbshyV-v-z0oqgctG10BhCgc60lSHBNH1pX5W/s320/20151204_094324.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjczlCXCDsvMqNQ3VfQ5qgX31DZsDIW_UfhiDcKh8zUcDHTBMl_PhUmew-s-VzIECb1yeN-2JMKWTN-Q_kEPDp7a8-ZV3LxWiO5-w9ub1vQMJH46ZEZ5oatM245Zve-gIeTsmTxlJe8QH94/s1600/20151208_165635.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjczlCXCDsvMqNQ3VfQ5qgX31DZsDIW_UfhiDcKh8zUcDHTBMl_PhUmew-s-VzIECb1yeN-2JMKWTN-Q_kEPDp7a8-ZV3LxWiO5-w9ub1vQMJH46ZEZ5oatM245Zve-gIeTsmTxlJe8QH94/s320/20151208_165635.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl7Vq0HEyy1cL6mNxKn4tX4MwfmY_U19ZZGWD8RyhtSDMFqMeKw8tkf36IKJasYxKmujChiYvjqeGLfIZXJcGyZr7uojN0xdTJhnLrDxkZmCiM1nAobBK1vkI4G1egdLMyIJwTHiMuUgpf/s1600/20151214_172930.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl7Vq0HEyy1cL6mNxKn4tX4MwfmY_U19ZZGWD8RyhtSDMFqMeKw8tkf36IKJasYxKmujChiYvjqeGLfIZXJcGyZr7uojN0xdTJhnLrDxkZmCiM1nAobBK1vkI4G1egdLMyIJwTHiMuUgpf/s320/20151214_172930.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBRGSjl_SHCRzWpGbdFh5RYMkDDgkcvq-LIXz07sAGNmrXOqa2M5hu5l_6kbgB1D7lumT1Wlv8wM8zNVyuvriY2aGod7CDyIh_aWEZ_TJ3SbSAJIc_9agnBcf_EiSSzdXoIVCF55hsZ-Ky/s1600/20151226_204047.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBRGSjl_SHCRzWpGbdFh5RYMkDDgkcvq-LIXz07sAGNmrXOqa2M5hu5l_6kbgB1D7lumT1Wlv8wM8zNVyuvriY2aGod7CDyIh_aWEZ_TJ3SbSAJIc_9agnBcf_EiSSzdXoIVCF55hsZ-Ky/s320/20151226_204047.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1CUSz1WNO9DqrzoT-GtqjJsznVqLdjBNlYE5JMPfPsGECjo0UQL5xPMtkpLNYIuYQzOJcOP9kJr4dO_RwHRdl9LLghHAUK_u3wnLdrw496hxG2TogTCbGWJ6ngsjActv83HG6kGFGPD3u/s1600/20151224_115117.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1CUSz1WNO9DqrzoT-GtqjJsznVqLdjBNlYE5JMPfPsGECjo0UQL5xPMtkpLNYIuYQzOJcOP9kJr4dO_RwHRdl9LLghHAUK_u3wnLdrw496hxG2TogTCbGWJ6ngsjActv83HG6kGFGPD3u/s320/20151224_115117.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPKVX6TIX3lUKzfUc_giXgy4OjR3Ibyy9zSP5xpEhQrTil06P4nk73TsqYvhfD46mWoDPTyuI_g3aEmbp9_M6j2v_3X4kfg06CLVATbbSeJ65MKSewsYM1bHUfT01RqDx3QbayF9xW21VX/s1600/20151230_161251.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPKVX6TIX3lUKzfUc_giXgy4OjR3Ibyy9zSP5xpEhQrTil06P4nk73TsqYvhfD46mWoDPTyuI_g3aEmbp9_M6j2v_3X4kfg06CLVATbbSeJ65MKSewsYM1bHUfT01RqDx3QbayF9xW21VX/s320/20151230_161251.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF602EbWnBmLjGITR-cys5vxHsAYhoeACq79gi8yNi35fFYn5hVK9GqjGScf7ULSIqqjU9SyHDvQFoUSwIBnfu1WXbPe79MJYEp0-Xq5KjvlwBw_DOn88CbBeOMLIiyARzuvLM1mMJELD0/s1600/20160101_170749.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF602EbWnBmLjGITR-cys5vxHsAYhoeACq79gi8yNi35fFYn5hVK9GqjGScf7ULSIqqjU9SyHDvQFoUSwIBnfu1WXbPe79MJYEp0-Xq5KjvlwBw_DOn88CbBeOMLIiyARzuvLM1mMJELD0/s320/20160101_170749.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPHoCNbUmIZuKnPjw4VevLs4Cf5hfXO6undDZLNG5l092nxAdhBxTSqtHM4j8mBLO1lFuDLvLu30emgQz121tsX_Vroy4LvyGFfuiW8aCrKE7hhV-QqKlGi7df6mc3L1uviQy5zae2mspn/s1600/20160102_204104.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPHoCNbUmIZuKnPjw4VevLs4Cf5hfXO6undDZLNG5l092nxAdhBxTSqtHM4j8mBLO1lFuDLvLu30emgQz121tsX_Vroy4LvyGFfuiW8aCrKE7hhV-QqKlGi7df6mc3L1uviQy5zae2mspn/s320/20160102_204104.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZz5uMLQws6O-8glnWOMnAOP4VzemqiQ8ia-LRVrr3hBB8T759FXs-8w77fYLPvFmAJgHiXQTu5qZxtgWgRugv08DuG8TisTgYgSVwlPyf_8OnEckOquDxE2_Scy5-Y73bW_24ojj4tFNR/s1600/20160110_141129.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZz5uMLQws6O-8glnWOMnAOP4VzemqiQ8ia-LRVrr3hBB8T759FXs-8w77fYLPvFmAJgHiXQTu5qZxtgWgRugv08DuG8TisTgYgSVwlPyf_8OnEckOquDxE2_Scy5-Y73bW_24ojj4tFNR/s320/20160110_141129.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
I know that many of you have been asking why I don't post pictures of Noah on Facebook. Trust me, it isn't because I don't take pictures of him. I have over 1,000 + pictures of his first three months of life saved on my phone! But I just wanted to share my heart with all of you. On this journey of losing our daughter, I have learned so many things. During the months following the loss of Caroline, I felt so many emotions anytime I was on social media. Anytime I saw a pregnancy announcement, a baby announcement, milestone photo, birthday photo, or just pictures of precious babies in general, I never knew how I would respond. It usually brought me to my knees, in pain, in hurt, in anger, and always in tears. It was so hard to see other people having what I had lost. It was a painful reminder of what I would not have with Caroline. So after many tear filled nights, I decided to take a break from social media. It was such a good decision. During that time I spent more time reading God's word, and praying for the many people who were hurting. It put me in a much better place emotionally, and my heart was not filled with so much jealousy, anger, and pain. That break allowed me to focus on what was most important.<br />
After knowing what it felt like personally, and to read those status updates, when my heart was already broken, I knew that I never wanted to be the cause of more pain for anyone else. There is so much pain, and hurting in this world. I have met so many beautiful and brave women who walk through each day experiencing loss in some form or another. I know from personal experience that I want to be sensitive to those who are hurting. Seeing a picture or announcement can trigger so many emotions, wanted or unwanted. So I have chosen to personally keep any announcements, milestones, and pictures off Facebook.<br />
I do however, want to keep updating my blog. I am so incredibly thankful for all those who have followed our journey. Thank you for standing beside us, through the good and the bad. Thank you for all of the prayers. Thank you for all of your love, encouragement, and support. We are so thankful for all of you! Sending all of my love to each of you!<br />
<br />
I would love to share Noah's song with all of you. I listened to this song over and over as he grew inside of me. It holds so much meaning to me. Noah is my hope. Through Noah's life God has restored so much hope into my life. Each time I look into his perfect blue eyes, I feel that hope renewed. I just love this little boy so much. He is such a special blessing!<br />
<br />
<br />
Hope In Front Of Me<br />
Danny Gokey<br />
<br />
I've been running through rain<br />
That I thought would never end<br />
Trying to make it on faith<br />
In a struggle against the wind<br />
I've seen the dark and the broken places<br />
But I know in my soul<br />
No matter how bad it gets<br />
I'll be alright<br />
<br />
There's hope in front of me<br />
There's a light, I still see it<br />
There's a hand still holding me<br />
Even when I don't believe it<br />
I might be down but I'm not dead<br />
There's better days still up ahead<br />
Even after all I've seen<br />
There's hope in front of me<br />
<br />
There's a place at the end of the storm<br />
You finally find<br />
Where the hurt and the tears and the pain<br />
All fall behind<br />
<br />
You open up your eyes and up ahead<br />
There's a big sun shining<br />
Right then and there you realize<br />
You'll be alright<br />
<br />
There's hope in front of me<br />
There's a light, I still see it<br />
There's a hand still holding me<br />
Even when I don't believe it<br />
I might be down but I'm not dead<br />
There's better days still up ahead<br />
Even after all I've seen<br />
There's hope in front of me<br />
<br />
There's a hope still burning<br />
I can feel it rising through the night<br />
And my world's still turning<br />
I can feel your love here by my side<br />
<br />
You're my hope<br />
You're the light, I still see it<br />
Your hands are holding me<br />
Even when I don't believe it<br />
I've got to believe<br />
I still have hope<br />
You are my hope<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-90401386049990483232016-01-10T18:04:00.001-08:002016-01-10T18:15:59.675-08:00The Hurt and The Healing.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFld-ZHA6OSeiGsb7C5Adibq_HcO79fcth2cdRK_U3TLrwwn1fqbxU0ppDLxOWWdb42kmp59QSXs63h_u3xo_vFdKlzwU9cXZOeigl8g5D1idXqFBOimLovLJr4J_e7bevSk97hSdUg38i/s1600/2016-01-10+19.31.26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFld-ZHA6OSeiGsb7C5Adibq_HcO79fcth2cdRK_U3TLrwwn1fqbxU0ppDLxOWWdb42kmp59QSXs63h_u3xo_vFdKlzwU9cXZOeigl8g5D1idXqFBOimLovLJr4J_e7bevSk97hSdUg38i/s400/2016-01-10+19.31.26.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Why?<br />
The question that is never far away<br />
The healing doesn't come from the explained<br />
Jesus please don't let this go in vain<br />
You're all I have<br />
All that remains<br />
<br />
So here I am<br />
What's left of me<br />
Where glory meets my suffering<br />
<br />
I'm alive<br />
Even though a part of me has died<br />
You take my heart and breathe it back to life<br />
I'll fall into Your arms open wide<br />
When the hurt and the healer collide<br />
<br />
Breathe<br />
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do<br />
Pain so deep that I can hardly move<br />
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You<br />
Lord take hold and pull me through<br />
<br />
So here I am<br />
What's left of me<br />
Where glory meets my suffering<br />
<br />
I'm alive<br />
Even though a part of me has died<br />
You take my heart and breathe it back to life<br />
I'll fall into Your arms open wide<br />
When the hurt and the healer collide<br />
<br />
It's the moment when humanity<br />
Is overcome by majesty<br />
When grace is ushered in for good<br />
And all our scars are understood<br />
When mercy takes its rightful place<br />
And all these questions fade away<br />
When out of the weakness we must bow<br />
And hear You say it's over now<br />
<br />
I'm alive<br />
Even though a part of me has died<br />
You take my heart and breathe it back to life<br />
I'll fall into Your arms open wide<br />
When the hurt and the healer collide<br />
<br />
Jesus come and break my fear<br />
Awake my heart and take my tears<br />
Find Your glory even here<br />
When the hurt and the healer collide<br />
<br />
<br />
- The Hurt and The Healer by Mercy Me<br />
<br />
<br />
Why? A question that plagued my mind, over and over this week. Why? Why? Why? It rang out above all other noise.<br />
Grief. It's a very scary thing. Sometimes it lurks silently, without any indication that it still exists. I have moments where it feels so far away, as though I experienced it in another lifetime. But then, suddenly, without warning, it knocks me to the ground. I feel like I don't know if I am standing, sitting, laying, or even breathing. How is it possible, to go from joy filled bliss, to complete and utter pain, heartbreak, sorrow, and anger?<br />
These past weeks have been incredibly difficult. My heart has been filled with questions, with anger, and with tears. I feel like I have been transported back, back to the summer after saying goodbye to Caroline. Back to the questions, the wondering, why? Why did it have to be my daughter? My poor sweet daughter. Why could I, her mother, not protect her, save her? Why are all the hopes, and dreams I have held since I was a little girl, gone, disappeared in just a matter of moments? Why did this happen to us? I don't think I will ever not ask these questions.<br />
The past 19 months have been filled with healing. Even though I didn't always feel like I was healing. The journey has been so tough, the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have learned that grieving is a full time job. It is incredibly exhausting to grieve. Some days it leaves you on the floor, gasping for breath. But I have also learned that you continue to breathe, even though it's hard. I am still alive. Each and every moment, I have been held, cradled, in the arms of the Lord. Slowly, the healing did take place. Slowly, my heart was pieced back together. Slowly, the tears fell less often. Slowly, I felt the joy return into my life. Slowly, I began to see glimmers of hope, until one day it was shining bright in front of me. Slowly, I felt less pain, and more peace, as I remembered my little girl. Slowly, the pain got easier to handle, and the anger and guilt faded. Slowly, I smiled more, a real heartfelt smile. I owe it, all of it, to the Great Healer. At one time, I wondered if I would ever feel "normal" again. I wondered if life would be the same. The truth is that now,after a year and a half, I haven't gotten back to normal, my life is not the same. But that is just fine with me. I don't want it to be the same. I am changed. Forever different because of Caroline. I am thankful.<br />
But I did find a "normal", a new normal. I know I have written many times about my new normal. The many ways that Caroline has changed my life. All of those things are different than I ever planned for my life, I never dreamed I would be in this place, right here, right now. But this was God's plan for my life, and I am so thankful for the healing that has taken place.<br />
So why, why, did I fall backward this week? Why did I take huge steps backward? I had been feeling better, more confident, and happy than I had in a really long time. But now all of those dark feelings that had become as close as a best friend, were there again. Staring at me with a smirk on their faces. They felt normal, yet foreign at the same time. It brought me back to those months of darkness. I realized something, especially this weekend, that grief will never go away. It will forever be a part of my life. It may be less than it was before, and I may know how to handle it better than before, but it will always be there. I never know when that trigger may arise, which allows the grief to flood my heart. This week, as I listened to the radio station I always listen to in the car, I heard over and over the advertisement for a Father Daughter Dance. At one time, this would have brought a smile to my face, as I dreamed of my precious daughter getting dressed up so beautifully, and her daddy smiling from ear to ear as they walked out the door together, for a special night together. Now it brings tears, painful hurting tears, into my eyes. It hurts so much. Josh will never be able to take Caroline on a special date. They will never share those special memories together. That breaks my heart. The grief hits hard in those moments. I turn down the sound, because it hurts too much. Those reminders of what we have lost, will forever be there. I never know what they will do to my fragile emotions.<br />
This week I heard the song The Hurt and The Healer on the radio. With tears streaming down my face I thanked God. There is so much hurt. There will always be pain. Especially when the grief resurfaces once again. But He is the Healer. In the song it says "here I am, what's left of me, where glory meets my suffering, I'm alive, even though a part of me has died, you take my heart and breathe it back to life, I'll fall into Your arms open wide, when the hurt and the healer collide. As I faced the emotions once again, the disappointment, the anger, and the tears, I know that the hurt and the Healer are going to collide. I know that although I have felt so far from God these weeks, and at times, I even felt mad for the way everything happened, He has been here. A part of me has died, a part that will forever be missing until we are reunited in Heaven. But I know that He has, and will continue to breathe life back into my heart. Each and every day. Even when the bitterness fills my heart, and He feels so far away. I know His arms are open wide, ready for me, waiting for me. What a beautiful promise.<br />
Tonight has been really tough, the questions are continually filling my head. It really just stinks, feeling like I have taken some huge steps back, even after I have worked so hard to get this far. I feel defeated. I feel exhausted. I miss her. I really truly just miss her. I want so badly to know her, to really know her. I want to know her personality, her smile, her giggles and wiggles. Why? Why? Why?<br />
So in my pain, and in my hurt, I will be angry, because it is okay. I will be frustrated, because that is okay too. I will cry, and I will scream, because through it I will heal. I will miss my daughter, my heart. I will miss what could have been, what should have been. And after it all, I will go running into the arms of my Father. The One who has healed me, who continues to heal me. Tonight I pray, "Jesus come and break my fear, awake my heart and take my tears, find Your glory even here, when the hurt and the healer collide."<br />
<br />
Thank you Jesus for your forever faithfulness and wide open arms, even when I pull away, and allow the bitterness and pain to fill my heart. Thank you for holding each tear that I cry, and help me to seek your healing, the only true healing for my broken heart.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-21801539042430982172015-12-18T02:35:00.001-08:002015-12-18T02:55:58.816-08:00Loved. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPVnUENfbQLEMle5m5zh6mZ6E94QUYjs5OmA91Rp0vDUciU4alGFT473EZkiddlHSMhVpqBEDmbLqFvUZQBKKVnu5IZU37kpeVqdrT1hVURV12HWVean0SZDdZNPQVsRpruTHzbxy9B5EK/s1600/Baby+Mulder_1779_edited-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPVnUENfbQLEMle5m5zh6mZ6E94QUYjs5OmA91Rp0vDUciU4alGFT473EZkiddlHSMhVpqBEDmbLqFvUZQBKKVnu5IZU37kpeVqdrT1hVURV12HWVean0SZDdZNPQVsRpruTHzbxy9B5EK/s320/Baby+Mulder_1779_edited-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Dear Caroline,<br />
Today is the day that you would have been a year and a half. 18 months since I last held you in my arms, stared at your beautiful face, and wrapped my finger in your tiny palm. 18 months since we said hello, and goodbye, in nearly the same breath. Oh how that special day lives in your mommy's heart. A day that still stands out so vividly in my mind. It was a day filled with such love, joy, heartbreak, and loss. We knew in our hearts how much we had lost, and yet we rejoiced in all we had been given. That early June morning, we were given the most amazing gift, the cherished moments of meeting our long awaited, much loved baby. Your mommy still remembers whispering into your little ear, as your warm body filled my arms. I remember kissing your soft cheeks. It was a perfect moment, one I had waited for, hoped for, prayed for.<br />
This morning it hit me, as I sat wide awake in the darkness, that you would be a whole year and a half old today. What that means is very hazy in my mind. You see my sweet girl, you will forever be my baby. That tiny little bundle wrapped so lovingly in your blanket. I cannot picture you running around the Christmas tree, singing and dancing as the lights sparkle in your eyes. I cannot picture you on Christmas morning, unwrapping your gifts with chubby little fingers. I cannot picture you being swept up for a giant welcome hug when your daddy gets home from work. But I do wonder, I wonder every single day. Would you have bright blue eyes like your little brother? Would your hair still be so dark and curly? Would you love reading books, or dancing around? Would you have a sweet little smile, that touched everyone you would meet? My precious girl, your mommy wonders just what you would be like right now, as a one and a half year old. I wish I knew, I wish I could picture it in my head, and feel it in my heart. But instead, I found myself clinging to the hope, to the promise, that you are experiencing life to the fullest right now. My baby, you are no longer in pain, and you know nothing of suffering. You have been made whole, and perfect in the arms of our Savior. You are dancing with your friends, in the beauty of Heaven. You are experiencing love, true and real love, from the very author of love.<br />
As your mommy, I wish that I could care for all of your earthly needs. It is a instinct that will never go away. I wish that I could shower you with kisses each morning, comb through your beautiful hair, dress you the most adorable dresses, and read to you ten books before I tuck you into bed. I wish I could hold you when you cry, and soothe away any anxious fears. I wish I could teach you everything I know, and help you to learn new things everyday. I wish I watch you grow up, and see you become a woman of God. I wish I could have experienced each and every milestone with you throughout the past year and a half.<br />
But as your mommy thought about you this morning, I realized my tears were not as painful. My heart hurt just a little less. Slowly God had been healing your mommy. He is restoring hope, and light, back into my heart. It feels right to be sad, and especially to miss you. Because my sweet girl, your mommy will forever miss you. I will always have a missing piece of my heart. Yet I know that it is getting easier, one day, one step at a time. God has led me through the last 18 months, and He has helped me walk through each step of grief. Now I can say that I have a genuine smile on my face, because of you. I enjoy each moment of this precious life, because of you. I hold everyone I love a little tighter, because of you. I am a better parent to your brother, because of you. I have a trust and a deeper, more real,relationship with the Lord, because of you. I am different now, in so many ways, because of you. Thank you my sweet girl, for teaching me so much. Even today, 18 months after I said goodbye, you are still teaching me. You are still helping me, and showing me what it means to live life to the fullest. To embrace every moment, and to stand close to the God who never leaves my side.<br />
You are always in my heart, and forever on my mind. I love you so much beautiful girl. Happy 18 months in Heaven. You mommy misses you so deeply, and longs for the day we will be together once again.<br />
I love you my precious Caroline Joy,<br />
Until we meet again,<br />
<br />
Mommy<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMimqUF3S7dIe1Yb2_4RYzcgFS84-lZcQwtxUFS9-hGP_WtqNlw0_atmdaBcDjMF3NoKBUJGZhfIx0GaLdov4Fui7GGeTdQ0OxxliU0khZ5vMK8tGviH8MJSoKa9whAenVc_Spep1eZOcl/s1600/20151104_142847-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMimqUF3S7dIe1Yb2_4RYzcgFS84-lZcQwtxUFS9-hGP_WtqNlw0_atmdaBcDjMF3NoKBUJGZhfIx0GaLdov4Fui7GGeTdQ0OxxliU0khZ5vMK8tGviH8MJSoKa9whAenVc_Spep1eZOcl/s320/20151104_142847-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
"Our Christian hope is that we're going to love with Christ in a new earth, where there is not only no more death, but where life is what it was always meant to be."<br />
-Timothy Keller<br />
<br />
"Listen, I tell you a mystery: we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed- in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed." 1 Corinthians 15:51-52 Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-74637366575373098262015-09-29T11:53:00.000-07:002015-09-29T11:53:31.013-07:00Our Rainbow, Our Gift<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXdmxmohUQpYdpbQQ1hAJ4McA-UhfLCx1I8fkLj2Nls2AsKY08P9Z04eH8hdAZ7lnB48gzE6LV416APWr6Ne_52LK-Mt8c2j6jTOXvIk7H-Ktzbx4wyG4T1Gd1P1u8rYMnRUqba9HkJC9T/s1600/20150921_162515.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXdmxmohUQpYdpbQQ1hAJ4McA-UhfLCx1I8fkLj2Nls2AsKY08P9Z04eH8hdAZ7lnB48gzE6LV416APWr6Ne_52LK-Mt8c2j6jTOXvIk7H-Ktzbx4wyG4T1Gd1P1u8rYMnRUqba9HkJC9T/s320/20150921_162515.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7XTzb7ykgP0SQ8u3K-ZimGZ12WCF_SjhaL4tewGgCO8WefhKKYARDHM56hyPlT7KTkdtvEFDQNFnXFU9zjMY7Z0Bf6WVkF41cP_sdr7kA60BYM3OAUJnbfqM1dZHaroggu1BHvp-ICd7c/s1600/20150921_145621.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7XTzb7ykgP0SQ8u3K-ZimGZ12WCF_SjhaL4tewGgCO8WefhKKYARDHM56hyPlT7KTkdtvEFDQNFnXFU9zjMY7Z0Bf6WVkF41cP_sdr7kA60BYM3OAUJnbfqM1dZHaroggu1BHvp-ICd7c/s320/20150921_145621.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is almost time to meet </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;">our little Noah!</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;">It is with the <b>greatest joy</b> that we announce the arrival of our rainbow baby, William Noah Mulder! Our hearts are completely full. He has already brought so much joy and healing into our hearts! Noah was born at exactly 5pm on Monday, September 21. We welcomed him into our world with tears, smiles, laughter, and so much love. He weighed 6 lbs. 2 oz. 19.5 inches long. We are so in love!</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;">Every good and perfect GIFT is from above, coming down from the Father. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> James 1:17</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM2xkQGdDCEmgsEBIwcq1otwpp8BOqRz49-XIGYpeIES-OwmLN_rnEM7MtNLmw7F-FynQym72Lh0mYqKY_He2WK8xGtaO9dK2MYiEuFY5HKShuywtyYEMcg8hhCWeDf_bN933XWeGMK_lk/s1600/20150921_172148.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmIgsCHvYMagK_avDCd9OPpnybuVvLLQxH4r14saI0GkeXMJxNDr1uG-r982z2uSkU1VZ08IdGNAnJW7eqkPn9iknYLHwGnnPOq9aartEovMXgF1P20M4d6Aip60AbPZMdkTEZJNMd-qLq/s1600/20150921_165602.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM2xkQGdDCEmgsEBIwcq1otwpp8BOqRz49-XIGYpeIES-OwmLN_rnEM7MtNLmw7F-FynQym72Lh0mYqKY_He2WK8xGtaO9dK2MYiEuFY5HKShuywtyYEMcg8hhCWeDf_bN933XWeGMK_lk/s1600/20150921_172148.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM2xkQGdDCEmgsEBIwcq1otwpp8BOqRz49-XIGYpeIES-OwmLN_rnEM7MtNLmw7F-FynQym72Lh0mYqKY_He2WK8xGtaO9dK2MYiEuFY5HKShuywtyYEMcg8hhCWeDf_bN933XWeGMK_lk/s320/20150921_172148.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmIgsCHvYMagK_avDCd9OPpnybuVvLLQxH4r14saI0GkeXMJxNDr1uG-r982z2uSkU1VZ08IdGNAnJW7eqkPn9iknYLHwGnnPOq9aartEovMXgF1P20M4d6Aip60AbPZMdkTEZJNMd-qLq/s1600/20150921_165602.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmIgsCHvYMagK_avDCd9OPpnybuVvLLQxH4r14saI0GkeXMJxNDr1uG-r982z2uSkU1VZ08IdGNAnJW7eqkPn9iknYLHwGnnPOq9aartEovMXgF1P20M4d6Aip60AbPZMdkTEZJNMd-qLq/s320/20150921_165602.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM2xkQGdDCEmgsEBIwcq1otwpp8BOqRz49-XIGYpeIES-OwmLN_rnEM7MtNLmw7F-FynQym72Lh0mYqKY_He2WK8xGtaO9dK2MYiEuFY5HKShuywtyYEMcg8hhCWeDf_bN933XWeGMK_lk/s1600/20150921_172148.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A rainbow baby is <span style="color: red;">the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravage</span> <span style="color: orange;">of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean that the storm never happened</span> <span style="color: #f1c232;">or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that</span> <span style="color: lime;">something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness</span> <span style="color: blue;">and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides the</span> </span><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">counterbalance of color, energy, and hope.</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
</a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM2xkQGdDCEmgsEBIwcq1otwpp8BOqRz49-XIGYpeIES-OwmLN_rnEM7MtNLmw7F-FynQym72Lh0mYqKY_He2WK8xGtaO9dK2MYiEuFY5HKShuywtyYEMcg8hhCWeDf_bN933XWeGMK_lk/s1600/20150921_172148.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRdS7uBN54f5gkZXuTPq6mG1xrJqnbCQOnhPM79-LzEBOHBz1kU_D2MDwnGlhTc_hvKHhLgYpB9GcgcBLL_FoToW7K0k-Edbz_ZeV-sOkOHcH9aTU4sCgJ46x7iEyEig_L4zIXi-vXEbnp/s1600/20150924_160439.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRdS7uBN54f5gkZXuTPq6mG1xrJqnbCQOnhPM79-LzEBOHBz1kU_D2MDwnGlhTc_hvKHhLgYpB9GcgcBLL_FoToW7K0k-Edbz_ZeV-sOkOHcH9aTU4sCgJ46x7iEyEig_L4zIXi-vXEbnp/s320/20150924_160439.jpg" width="320" /></a></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLApC8QwE8-MQDKQB_aPC7Gg9cqooQSYfBsCveRJCUOqkDK-McYf2xs1VJdhAY0IH6Gm1WjLHlmRfvmqEHCpYoDcibA-7llVHfVoSWnLSihcTzCfrNQZuOvXIfVoOgSkxZENUYboVdWbR/s1600/20150926_100126.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLApC8QwE8-MQDKQB_aPC7Gg9cqooQSYfBsCveRJCUOqkDK-McYf2xs1VJdhAY0IH6Gm1WjLHlmRfvmqEHCpYoDcibA-7llVHfVoSWnLSihcTzCfrNQZuOvXIfVoOgSkxZENUYboVdWbR/s320/20150926_100126.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMVfFzKY5vXjYfMWzfAeS8ENEOMmRVjZlY8udqXY7WLIugDR3pRSBnwmZHlRh5g1su88FMR_Xz7nJv-AqI5pVEaJhGMFgawsQLaNHozKtTwwK1BZ90pxZBIE6Am0VTxx3Fb0uylP-PImtx/s1600/20150923_222248.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMVfFzKY5vXjYfMWzfAeS8ENEOMmRVjZlY8udqXY7WLIugDR3pRSBnwmZHlRh5g1su88FMR_Xz7nJv-AqI5pVEaJhGMFgawsQLaNHozKtTwwK1BZ90pxZBIE6Am0VTxx3Fb0uylP-PImtx/s320/20150923_222248.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3W0Ge0aYPqUJ6-fKstvu5yOgmmeXq4rLYL_oHXup4wAQCnd5lAXC7gqOd5c554rur8XzUoTwY6nXLmgLuJHvfMr5mvA2FrEAk8DjDvSuUdr6UoEwGnvU5hNQ7yVXVLaAQLfgSWBjwsilj/s1600/20150928_122315.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3W0Ge0aYPqUJ6-fKstvu5yOgmmeXq4rLYL_oHXup4wAQCnd5lAXC7gqOd5c554rur8XzUoTwY6nXLmgLuJHvfMr5mvA2FrEAk8DjDvSuUdr6UoEwGnvU5hNQ7yVXVLaAQLfgSWBjwsilj/s320/20150928_122315.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgga843rYwaQ2EUUE3srqHQQp1LUsH3WDzYTuo0UXnxxwNwgCrwVHlGsm_vhOPEomku42jl9sfpOdWBea32OJdoqn67KRHnTLDARiRDmWzv7JKMDRckhERAPr10-kvxxejidF7CUL5OVFJF/s1600/20150926_163626.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgga843rYwaQ2EUUE3srqHQQp1LUsH3WDzYTuo0UXnxxwNwgCrwVHlGsm_vhOPEomku42jl9sfpOdWBea32OJdoqn67KRHnTLDARiRDmWzv7JKMDRckhERAPr10-kvxxejidF7CUL5OVFJF/s320/20150926_163626.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are so incredibly thankful for the precious gift that God has given to us. There is not a moment that goes by where I do not stop and ask myself if this is real. I just cannot believe that he is ours, and that we have the blessing and the joy of being able to raise this sweet little boy! We are so blessed! </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I cannot say thank you enough to each and every person who has been praying for us along our journey. We have felt such amazing love and support each step of the way. It has been a difficult journey, and we have not always felt strong or brave. Yet we are so thankful for the love of family and friends, the constant prayers, and above all, the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father. It is only through His strength that we continue to walk one day at a time, one step at a time. As we now walk down a new path, and begin this exciting adventure, we do so with eager and hopeful hearts. We know that God is holding our hands, and guarding our hearts. We continue to take each step forward, trusting in His mighty plan.</span> <br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are so excited to introduce you to our little rainbow baby, Noah! He is already so loved, and so spoiled! We are enjoying each and every moment of being his parents, and we look forward to all the fun that is yet to come. </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> We know that his big sister Caroline is watching down over him from Heaven. We can just picture her beautiful smile as we tell her little brother all about her life. She is the best big sister!</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> I am sorry that I have been so bad about updating on the blog recently. As we approached Noah's due date life got really busy! But I will continue to post on the blog, so stay tuned! Thank you for taking the time to share in our life! We are truly thankful for each and every one of you. </span><br />
Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-15105083874813903512015-08-23T18:05:00.003-07:002015-08-23T18:05:57.998-07:00Noah News- 34 Weeks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjamfFtI4e_IFGfwfOBt3H0PxVe-COKRjtoCOh2iB6AZTbI8_QKXGhuh6ZKA_2N1LJxboB4ptswH451t9eOVfopAr5L9YBrTTe09Hmv9M990SUVcuatUZRRq4MxxLaFVS0kV4ccuq48Tm7k/s1600/2015-08-23+18.33.50.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjamfFtI4e_IFGfwfOBt3H0PxVe-COKRjtoCOh2iB6AZTbI8_QKXGhuh6ZKA_2N1LJxboB4ptswH451t9eOVfopAr5L9YBrTTe09Hmv9M990SUVcuatUZRRq4MxxLaFVS0kV4ccuq48Tm7k/s320/2015-08-23+18.33.50.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">34 Weeks</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He didn't want to turn his head for us!</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDDeltfXkA2VgHRI06ng_LXqxUTKxvhg27NkqIfJXusoOaw8OTqoIAb34ha1diZfQF4qlz1z2bpjfqmCWbYjp1_BAuTDk2nSdfMOtBUOhxUu7sCzpAmYsTCwqm15_SeX-qfWN2tsQduWsx/s1600/2015-08-23+18.33.25.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDDeltfXkA2VgHRI06ng_LXqxUTKxvhg27NkqIfJXusoOaw8OTqoIAb34ha1diZfQF4qlz1z2bpjfqmCWbYjp1_BAuTDk2nSdfMOtBUOhxUu7sCzpAmYsTCwqm15_SeX-qfWN2tsQduWsx/s320/2015-08-23+18.33.25.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">Our first glimpse of some hair growing on his little head! </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cannot wait to see if he has dark hair like his big sister!</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Hello Everyone! </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I apologize for taking such a long time to post an update. Our life has been so busy the last few months. We moved into a new place after selling our house back in June, so we have been busy with moving and settling into a new house. We have also been busy with preparing ourselves for the coming arrival of our sweet little Noah! On top of that, we have been trying to enjoy the beautiful summer that God has given to us! It is amazing at how quickly the time just flies by. I cannot believe that it is almost time to flip the calendar to September already. Where did the summer go? I hope that each and every one of you had a blessed summer! We still have a few more weeks left to enjoy, and hopefully a nice warm and sunny fall! </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I thought that it would be a great time to update everyone on how everything is going with my pregnancy. We are so excited to announce that Noah is still growing healthy and strong with each passing day! It brings such joy to my heart to be able to share that news with everyone. I am so incredibly thankful! Noah is going to be 35 weeks old this coming Wednesday, which also happens to be my birthday! I cannot believe that our little boy is already going to be 35 weeks old, he is going to be here before we know it. </span></span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> We had an ultrasound to check on how Noah is growing last Monday, and everything is still looking great. Noah measured about 4 lbs 4 oz. at the ultrasound, and had a very strong heartbeat! I just love hearing that sound! We did notice that he is in the breech position right now, which may pose complications to the possibility of having a VBAC. So we are going to be watching his position closely in the next weeks to see if he has moved at all. My hope is that he will turn so we can still attempt a VBAC, but our ultimate goal is to have Noah born safe and healthy into our arms. So we will choose whatever is best for him. But I am praying that his little body decides to turn in the next couple of weeks, so that we can attempt to birth him naturally. </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> One of the most amazing parts of the ultrasound was when the tech showed us the hair growing on his little head. It is so incredible that an ultrasound can pick that up. But we could clearly see the hair, and now it makes me so excited to find out what he looks like! I cannot wait to see if he has a head full of dark hair just like his big sister Caroline. </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> In the past few weeks I have been so blessed with baby showers, to celebrate little Noah! My heart is so full when I think about all of the love and support that is shown to us by so many wonderful people. When I first thought about having a baby shower, it truly scared me. It scared me to prepare and get excited for the arrival of a baby, when there are no guarantees. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to come home to a fully prepared nursery, without a baby in my arms. Yet when I think of this active growing boy inside of me, I realize that he deserves this. I know that as his mom, I want to give him the very best of myself always, and he deserves to have everyone celebrate his precious life! So although it has taken time, and an adjustment in thinking for me, I have felt my heart fill with so much hope as we plan and prepare our house for his arrival! Being able to have a baby shower is such a gift. One that I would have taken for granted before. But now I realize, fully and completely, just how special and wonderful it is to be able to celebrate new life! Here are some pictures of our fun celebrations!</span></div>
<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggEUZojwyT-W-GOAVAWvKAuiPmbhSEXdEJXSIXVlg2MQrjcM6AZVBRPFPiJWpbiySha2-CPhyGp0hfOWvHJiYcl1RMxvyN6cBbTfKbWWPb_RGkjqkvdfNqxUjsZlWCRLcY_RVYcvuGYCLH/s1600/20150822_131536.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggEUZojwyT-W-GOAVAWvKAuiPmbhSEXdEJXSIXVlg2MQrjcM6AZVBRPFPiJWpbiySha2-CPhyGp0hfOWvHJiYcl1RMxvyN6cBbTfKbWWPb_RGkjqkvdfNqxUjsZlWCRLcY_RVYcvuGYCLH/s320/20150822_131536.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAbiBkBPpW-Eybt-9S9VIABtJPEzljLPIlq6Wy0onYaFnPnvln19GWBHuBiWXKC7tNgkQ2HZBd6B22Hh6bye6xe8uNi2klEUAnwVtccepYRdO_OoCqLRI4zovdl_nO9iiGu4caV8oEe1MI/s1600/20150822_102706.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAbiBkBPpW-Eybt-9S9VIABtJPEzljLPIlq6Wy0onYaFnPnvln19GWBHuBiWXKC7tNgkQ2HZBd6B22Hh6bye6xe8uNi2klEUAnwVtccepYRdO_OoCqLRI4zovdl_nO9iiGu4caV8oEe1MI/s320/20150822_102706.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHwCH4jTM5ZkLJ0Px5lRV657i9r_KmQbUJRxR_dt9js-I7nd7iZzevmr75zsnofsOwNDQcDbKv2sIhuPgVBiA6D2DeCcV2nmp6PDBbvDrvaWzl65l6ExresmGbnN40_Ius0wqPLmeyiz8K/s1600/20150822_115226.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHwCH4jTM5ZkLJ0Px5lRV657i9r_KmQbUJRxR_dt9js-I7nd7iZzevmr75zsnofsOwNDQcDbKv2sIhuPgVBiA6D2DeCcV2nmp6PDBbvDrvaWzl65l6ExresmGbnN40_Ius0wqPLmeyiz8K/s1600/20150822_115226.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHwCH4jTM5ZkLJ0Px5lRV657i9r_KmQbUJRxR_dt9js-I7nd7iZzevmr75zsnofsOwNDQcDbKv2sIhuPgVBiA6D2DeCcV2nmp6PDBbvDrvaWzl65l6ExresmGbnN40_Ius0wqPLmeyiz8K/s320/20150822_115226.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJhQBSxU1vvmPq8W9l_cYs4iH0b233IuqEiHPWxgGn3VzUGUYqothTUMR9S1YR0LVxK4oLjMCziKo4LPkzIWFaqAI6enjhGNdQqjVQat_lnWdan_Vy19OCCS-5gOC6NAGbJwS0iBnUz07y/s1600/20150822_124840.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJhQBSxU1vvmPq8W9l_cYs4iH0b233IuqEiHPWxgGn3VzUGUYqothTUMR9S1YR0LVxK4oLjMCziKo4LPkzIWFaqAI6enjhGNdQqjVQat_lnWdan_Vy19OCCS-5gOC6NAGbJwS0iBnUz07y/s320/20150822_124840.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilyVsdXDAXvNQzAqgNvf4kezByzQPh0cP21h1NBuPuDJpFUaF-I4g9-noM_IwdNY5DT1kOGKSaSfaJnQlOFkmkvyljj6DjqpiVGNhVKeiJaZVLAGHB8tzEvqlZMaizU67vnLhP1jTCfw6N/s1600/20150726_160421.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilyVsdXDAXvNQzAqgNvf4kezByzQPh0cP21h1NBuPuDJpFUaF-I4g9-noM_IwdNY5DT1kOGKSaSfaJnQlOFkmkvyljj6DjqpiVGNhVKeiJaZVLAGHB8tzEvqlZMaizU67vnLhP1jTCfw6N/s320/20150726_160421.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKI3MrQ5sLEo7n5e1xk7rCHYbPVEmdc0vILeX6QWZ5jlZUJCtacwrWBWb-VE3GyOxdF93y1LEo4iglBwfqAoATZHL_uymeAMZlc08XYnP8klCWlV6TfRwkBXYjvytbLekmsd1Q-gQ81GMd/s1600/20150726_161038.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKI3MrQ5sLEo7n5e1xk7rCHYbPVEmdc0vILeX6QWZ5jlZUJCtacwrWBWb-VE3GyOxdF93y1LEo4iglBwfqAoATZHL_uymeAMZlc08XYnP8klCWlV6TfRwkBXYjvytbLekmsd1Q-gQ81GMd/s320/20150726_161038.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_IGoaFnNUEM1aORtO4-RGMMpE6fUq8y6KDbUPNJOALS0jZlaga9XPW5nXzmL80EHdgqkL74sh5Myq6JSRQqC6_TU3f7K_j0URs8LvoSeLFE5v3clt_1Ayg_Z9uPVCeK8aDPN_xIVia2l9/s1600/20150726_160412-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_IGoaFnNUEM1aORtO4-RGMMpE6fUq8y6KDbUPNJOALS0jZlaga9XPW5nXzmL80EHdgqkL74sh5Myq6JSRQqC6_TU3f7K_j0URs8LvoSeLFE5v3clt_1Ayg_Z9uPVCeK8aDPN_xIVia2l9/s320/20150726_160412-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBD42yzTiGJuvkzdd2sD71BRz3zTFtompeH2RXBQsob0AUY3Vxo7VQc7lW3AM4K2tW7R486sYgNpM2n1l6XO0ca3LkiZZjkIT_w4rlqEpHCcPVpKCnH0FS8-BfS8xtrTaP3GfTYXxUBHWc/s1600/FB_IMG_1440370465266.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBD42yzTiGJuvkzdd2sD71BRz3zTFtompeH2RXBQsob0AUY3Vxo7VQc7lW3AM4K2tW7R486sYgNpM2n1l6XO0ca3LkiZZjkIT_w4rlqEpHCcPVpKCnH0FS8-BfS8xtrTaP3GfTYXxUBHWc/s320/FB_IMG_1440370465266.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBD42yzTiGJuvkzdd2sD71BRz3zTFtompeH2RXBQsob0AUY3Vxo7VQc7lW3AM4K2tW7R486sYgNpM2n1l6XO0ca3LkiZZjkIT_w4rlqEpHCcPVpKCnH0FS8-BfS8xtrTaP3GfTYXxUBHWc/s1600/FB_IMG_1440370465266.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8BvpblpjoYO17CDd2typBFaL8IpMAwM2tDGbs1opHlQqkyfPgq6uH6Nv5ORZ8WlT_-v8KULlQUji2R4W2RNAF-QA5-YgXFqLO2WM_RgYpruIGu_UF_jLYxYKaU5mIqg7IrNrTw2U7mt6C/s1600/FB_IMG_1440370473337.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8BvpblpjoYO17CDd2typBFaL8IpMAwM2tDGbs1opHlQqkyfPgq6uH6Nv5ORZ8WlT_-v8KULlQUji2R4W2RNAF-QA5-YgXFqLO2WM_RgYpruIGu_UF_jLYxYKaU5mIqg7IrNrTw2U7mt6C/s320/FB_IMG_1440370473337.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh79dRiK3v2SpHS6dy4m5xBdPYkqm1PW7A0H_giSnM6U8oGAgbQLXn1GGioH5V1EsKaZGHxuPL5eoiZdJ8y1ruVtzSqwnRybH554z1W8IcJBk4W4gqfofAD4Dcx8P6FbnTso18DBPzC1JAd/s1600/2015-07-30+09.48.48.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh79dRiK3v2SpHS6dy4m5xBdPYkqm1PW7A0H_giSnM6U8oGAgbQLXn1GGioH5V1EsKaZGHxuPL5eoiZdJ8y1ruVtzSqwnRybH554z1W8IcJBk4W4gqfofAD4Dcx8P6FbnTso18DBPzC1JAd/s320/2015-07-30+09.48.48.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt73Ay7TnFkg_xNcx-c-NyPmTpdkT_YOJ9iTtdYQ4vhDy9a_vjsxf1YOSYPEfGMmACQRYVq1-QmhB_on-8wUyfjE-vzEq1X-t1IxktXwHa5u_hl4z7t3vODuqYcg0vzPt-3fOV35ewhQv7/s1600/2015-08-22+14.36.10+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt73Ay7TnFkg_xNcx-c-NyPmTpdkT_YOJ9iTtdYQ4vhDy9a_vjsxf1YOSYPEfGMmACQRYVq1-QmhB_on-8wUyfjE-vzEq1X-t1IxktXwHa5u_hl4z7t3vODuqYcg0vzPt-3fOV35ewhQv7/s320/2015-08-22+14.36.10+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> As we quickly approach the date of Noah's birth, I realize just how much I need to continue to embrace this pregnancy. It is really easy to get caught up in all the preparations for his birth. But I love being pregnant! I love feeling my active little boy moving around all the time! It is the greatest feeling ever! I absolutely love the thought that Noah comes everywhere with me. He is always so close, safe and warm, to my heart. Each time I feel his precious body move, I thank God for the gift of his life. I love spending time each day reading to him, singing to him, and telling him all about the activities of my day. I am trying my best to cherish each and every moment that I have with him so close. One of my favorite things to do each evening, as it starts getting dark outside, is to sit in the glider in Noah's</span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> nursery, and read children's books. I imagine my sweet little Caroline looking down from heaven, and my active little Noah listening attentively as I read them stories. It just feels right, and my heart feel full. Both of my babies enjoying quiet time with me at night, moments I will forever cherish. </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I am also so incredibly excited about meeting this little guy. I am anxiously awaiting the moment when he decides that it is time to make his big entrance into the world! I cannot wait to hold him in my arms, kiss his precious face, and touch every part of his perfect little body. That day is coming so quickly. It truly could come at any moment. Although we are hoping that little Noah decides to continue growing for at least a few more weeks though.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> A huge thank you to everyone who continues to show us such love and support. This road has been far from easy, and filled with so many ups and downs. But we are so thankful for our faithful God, and the wonderful people who continue to surround us in so many prayers. We can truly feel the love and prayers each and every day. Thank you for your thoughts, well wishes, and questions of concern. It all means so much to us! We are so grateful. </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I look forward to sharing more news of our growing little rainbow baby soon!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Here are a few pictures of my growing belly from the past few weeks! </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuaSygD3ctUjbgpjFfJCbBg2rMFWhrLczsLDZG0ynMeTXcJXMBnBFIeF8GpqWxu-NxAXDjjRNMgjMz1So26_3EOeUj0SK03BYlANryEKNH0v23b8u4OMVxVpzPCQ0VOEviDDqu53i42exm/s1600/2015-07-05+11.09.17+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuaSygD3ctUjbgpjFfJCbBg2rMFWhrLczsLDZG0ynMeTXcJXMBnBFIeF8GpqWxu-NxAXDjjRNMgjMz1So26_3EOeUj0SK03BYlANryEKNH0v23b8u4OMVxVpzPCQ0VOEviDDqu53i42exm/s320/2015-07-05+11.09.17+%25281%2529.jpg" width="168" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">26 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4uwlMC0Qi-Cz0kAO0FndbTFGrLT3GWDVYfGdrkoVUE1REbkT5Anad7ZsvMffTdMyid8TBGTvoWmDJnWeqK5TnIyyQ7xQrs6JOZ5-AhXmKNqK3RfIZR5g7HIJ-2IDVLccnqXuVI26fBCX7/s1600/2015-07-05+11.07.01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4uwlMC0Qi-Cz0kAO0FndbTFGrLT3GWDVYfGdrkoVUE1REbkT5Anad7ZsvMffTdMyid8TBGTvoWmDJnWeqK5TnIyyQ7xQrs6JOZ5-AhXmKNqK3RfIZR5g7HIJ-2IDVLccnqXuVI26fBCX7/s320/2015-07-05+11.07.01.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">26 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI0uCAp4EWfuUG0-A_hYLB5vfbEm_Kg-jMQdn2HZ6roKh9QCAhLmNkKYJ4tpdI2YBXMPsd1KdazF6WEOxRIWDUNJsapgNUaY7VVU_YC_L42rmg4-eItUdnQnc4_TrfcUsz5ZFaRzFvxjwB/s1600/2015-07-05+11.52.24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI0uCAp4EWfuUG0-A_hYLB5vfbEm_Kg-jMQdn2HZ6roKh9QCAhLmNkKYJ4tpdI2YBXMPsd1KdazF6WEOxRIWDUNJsapgNUaY7VVU_YC_L42rmg4-eItUdnQnc4_TrfcUsz5ZFaRzFvxjwB/s320/2015-07-05+11.52.24.jpg" width="178" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">27 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGWzLNe44-idWsFokhZX4vIGkE69fyQfN0U7npBBm_QYxRjqYWb-RdOZyglQAkgJcM5en2f564ymfGiviKr0tOWsn-AN8WpWohOqI6jysERwMmgD1pih0faWzIAuBbjNws2-H2d31b3MQ1/s1600/2015-07-19+12.32.45.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGWzLNe44-idWsFokhZX4vIGkE69fyQfN0U7npBBm_QYxRjqYWb-RdOZyglQAkgJcM5en2f564ymfGiviKr0tOWsn-AN8WpWohOqI6jysERwMmgD1pih0faWzIAuBbjNws2-H2d31b3MQ1/s320/2015-07-19+12.32.45.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">29 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoLWRXhEDZYtCp_jpqmJETlH_T8hNl_E8hw08CUZUERvemMNkPaLEWiH0049ioiPgwcZXhCQyNseQgm06oYzYElURONYa9bYdMrq4SVM06ebWWhyphenhyphen7zMhY_eVmtr0jn5r0EpIT61ErLnZ9Y/s1600/2015-07-26+19.55.01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoLWRXhEDZYtCp_jpqmJETlH_T8hNl_E8hw08CUZUERvemMNkPaLEWiH0049ioiPgwcZXhCQyNseQgm06oYzYElURONYa9bYdMrq4SVM06ebWWhyphenhyphen7zMhY_eVmtr0jn5r0EpIT61ErLnZ9Y/s320/2015-07-26+19.55.01.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">30 Weeks</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0GKDtaINQ_zD4AI4QTh06m0SiLke2jle-jewQXnfkfSGj6jRAiDW6GBjiJmYUnado5eiCRbmjiMAi4FYCsBQV2VXjgw489uDG4COrXFZZtgwsK_SFJb8hfjY50OVW-CEhCg-UoKno7H7f/s1600/2015-08-12+05.25.37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0GKDtaINQ_zD4AI4QTh06m0SiLke2jle-jewQXnfkfSGj6jRAiDW6GBjiJmYUnado5eiCRbmjiMAi4FYCsBQV2VXjgw489uDG4COrXFZZtgwsK_SFJb8hfjY50OVW-CEhCg-UoKno7H7f/s320/2015-08-12+05.25.37.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">32 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlPPRQE2x4e_R9l8IM9psVNCgTAIM29hb_BFrLnxYn7xYRqRB4DRjDe3ZRjqrxMiCXQM9eRHr5By70ukZNgPDljohFWhQGZ-DR_D_Opf6PT4MZipM1msdJhfqf1QCeq6PF7Fe2gfBT04yO/s1600/2015-08-22+14.39.33+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlPPRQE2x4e_R9l8IM9psVNCgTAIM29hb_BFrLnxYn7xYRqRB4DRjDe3ZRjqrxMiCXQM9eRHr5By70ukZNgPDljohFWhQGZ-DR_D_Opf6PT4MZipM1msdJhfqf1QCeq6PF7Fe2gfBT04yO/s320/2015-08-22+14.39.33+%25281%2529.jpg" width="147" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">34 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-21789132336535048952015-07-16T17:25:00.002-07:002015-07-16T18:21:20.920-07:00Our Gift<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw5LcrJQTn_8cnYA9mVXpikyupxVvIUy_JHvNBrvYGQcxu34Q1gV1GIu16EgoV4IglINz0UXPyYB9WKa_leXU01ljRw5tXSA0ZPq6WY1drt_iSEMdtUIibzr0nRwq6NFhcFCqzS-rrIMNi/s1600/20150707_202738.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw5LcrJQTn_8cnYA9mVXpikyupxVvIUy_JHvNBrvYGQcxu34Q1gV1GIu16EgoV4IglINz0UXPyYB9WKa_leXU01ljRw5tXSA0ZPq6WY1drt_iSEMdtUIibzr0nRwq6NFhcFCqzS-rrIMNi/s320/20150707_202738.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> What an incredible gift! This week, I have felt my heart fill once again with deep gratitude. As we enter into our 29th week of this amazing pregnancy, I feel like I need to pinch myself, over and over again. Is this really happening? Are we truly entering into the third and final trimester? Is it really possible that in less than 10 weeks, I could be holding my son in my arms? Can I really keep him, and take him home? It all seems way to good to be true. It seems so close, and yet so far beyond my reach. I want it so badly, I am hoping for it with everything that I have. It is so close I can almost feel him in my arms. And yet I just cannot wrap my arms around it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> I know I have written this before, but I have always wanted to be a mom. I have dreamed about being a mom since I was a little girl. I would play "house" with my sisters and friends all the time, always with a pretend baby in my arms. Growing up it was always my greatest desire, to have my own children. I just knew that I was going to be a mom someday! When we found out in November of 2013 that we were pregnant with our first child, everything seemed right. I was finally going to become a mom! For those of you who have followed our story, and who know about the journey we have walked since that day, you know that we were not able to take our beloved daughter home. (if you haven't taken the time to read our story please feel free to go back to the posts from the winter of 2014 to read about our precious miracle baby Caroline Joy). Ever since that Tuesday morning in June, being a mom felt so far beyond my reach. I did become a mom that day, the moment I held her tiny body in my arms. I was her mom. I know that I will always be Caroline's mom, and it is such a beautiful gift that I will cherish forever. I am so proud to be her mommy! Yet being a mom to a baby in Heaven is so much different than being a mom to a baby here on earth. All last summer (and every day since), I not only grieved the loss of my precious girl, but I grieved the loss of all those motherly instincts. I wanted desperately, felt every urge and need, to care for my daughter, physically, mentally, and emotionally. But there was nothing that I could do. There was no crying baby who needed her mommy to pick her up and soothe her tears. There was no sleepy smiles to enjoy, no diapers to be changed, and no milk to be fed. It was just me. Only me. I still to this very day, have every desire and need to care for my daughter, those instincts do not disappear. But I have slowly learned over time, that there are other ways that I can fulfill those needs. By honoring my daughter's life, talking about her, sharing her story, donating baby blankets to hospitals, and reaching out to others who are also experiencing the loss of a baby, have all been very healing ways of working through the grief and pain of not being able to mother my daughter here on earth. I am so thankful for all of the ways that these ministries have blessed my life! I truly feel like honoring Caroline's name, and sharing her story, is my calling as her mom. I am so proud to be able to talk about her, to be able to share her life with others, and to be able to bless others because of her life. All of these things have given me a purpose once again, a reason to continue moving forward. </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> As I sit here typing these words, I am feeling my sweet little boy kicking and squirming inside. It is the most amazing and wonderful feeling in the whole world! I am reminded once again that I have a sweet, healthy, strong, and rapidly growing little boy inside. What a precious gift! I just stand completely amazed at how I can be the mom to two amazing little babies. I have a beautiful daughter and a sweet son, who have made me into the person that I am today. I am so blessed! There are no words that can adequately express the gratitude that I feel in my heart. This is never how I dreamed that our story would play out, and I would give anything to be able to have Caroline here in my arms today. But I can say with every ounce of my being, that I am so thankful for the precious gifts that God has placed into my life. </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> As I anticipate the big date of Noah's arrival in the months to come, it seems so completely surreal. My body and my mind are completely in preparation mode. I have been reading, researching, and planning for bringing him into our home, and having him become a part of our life. Yet my heart is having a very difficult time processing this reality. In so many ways it feels way to good to be true. I do not know what I have ever done to deserve such a gift? I feel so unworthy. Do I really get to take him home? Will I be able to take care of him, like my motherly instincts require? Can I snuggle him, hold him, sing to him, play with him, teach him, and watch him grow? Will I truly be able to be his mother here on earth? It just seems way too good to be true. So far from my reach. </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> Every inch of my heart screams "no", do not let yourself hope, do not prepare, do not get excited. It is a daily struggle. Yet the love that I have for this precious little baby extends far beyond any fears and worries that threaten to hold me back. Even from the first moment when I found out that we were expecting Noah, way back in January, I cherished the gift. I felt so unworthy of being given another chance at becoming a mother. Why would God choose me, why would he allow me to be given the gift of carrying the life of another precious child? Yet even though I felt so undeserving, it led me to be even more grateful. I would fall to my knees daily, in thanks to our God, who had given me the desire of my heart. He chose me to carry this little boy for a reason, and I will live each and every day working hard to be the very best mom that I can be to him. I am grateful beyond words that God has given me this opportunity to be pregnant, to carry this little baby, and to hopefully take him home to love forever. After going through such a great loss, I know that I will never ever take these gifts for granted again. I have and will continue to cherish each and every moment of being pregnant, of being a mom, because it truly is a gift. I am going to live a life of gratitude and thankfulness, praising God for all of His blessings. I am going to love even more deeply, and treasure both of my precious babies forever. </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> As the weeks continue to move forward, I am praying for clarity, and that reality will begin to sink in. I am praying that I will begin to allow my heart to wrap around the reality that I may just be able to bring this little guy home. I want so desperately to allow myself to hope, but I know that there are still no guarantees, and that fear continues to hold a strong grip on my heart. But I have slowly been taking steps in the right direction. I am clinging to the hope, the excitement, and the anticipation that continues to grow as the weeks progress. I love the thought of snuggling with this little guy, and seeing what he will look like. I love thinking about bringing him home, and being able to watch him grow. I can just picture Josh holding his tiny perfect body as he sleeps, and me playing with his wiggly body on the floor. I love the thought of us taking him for walks in the stroller, and staying up late into the night just watching him sleep. I am so in love with our precious little Noah already, and because of how much I love him, I just know that I am going to allow myself to continue hoping, to continue growing more and more excited, and to allow myself to dream about the future. Because love is so incredibly powerful. I am so thankful for that love, and that my friends, is truly a great gift from our Heavenly Father. </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> Thank you Lord for your precious gifts to us!</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWium_OV0UOusMG0yrTmj-Xq9o_mu-LESMc-tEMXTXm7dBbJy_eNF4a9vreaBUOsGm7CwO4mGcyzUQGDpblSd5heBndxRkQuBpz3p7ve6l9SYdHa5QIawzwz2lWp0wDplSaZfn3NPqLl1i/s1600/FB_IMG_1437093795985.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWium_OV0UOusMG0yrTmj-Xq9o_mu-LESMc-tEMXTXm7dBbJy_eNF4a9vreaBUOsGm7CwO4mGcyzUQGDpblSd5heBndxRkQuBpz3p7ve6l9SYdHa5QIawzwz2lWp0wDplSaZfn3NPqLl1i/s320/FB_IMG_1437093795985.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I found this quote online and found it really encouraging and helpful.<br />God truly is faithful, and we can cling to that promise, even when the future<br />is scary and unclear. When there is uncertainty lurking in the road ahead, we can trust<br />that our God who has always been faithful, with never let us down. He will make all things clear<br />in His perfect time. It is never easy to trust, especially when you have felt heartbreak and pain,<br />but when we step back and look at all of God's blessings in our lives,we will be able to see His<br />goodness, graciousness, love, and control in every aspect of our lives.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana;"> </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here is a little update on our sweet little boy! We had an ultrasound last week to see how everything is progressing. Noah was such a happy little guy in there! He was moving and kicking and squirming around, and he has certainly grown bigger since our last appointment. Last week he weighed 2 pounds, 8 oz. Everything is looking perfect! We were able to see all of his body parts, organs, and even a very well formed spine. The most amazing part is his chubby little cheeks! I am so in love with our little Noah! I cannot wait to hold him in my arms, memorize every perfect detail, and kiss those chubby cheeks. We are praising God for His good and perfect gift to us!</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtApaRyG0A5MZyl1gumDMwi7qhqwAH0KHQox8SCnBuqb3y0ktAhA5dEWhs5JaquIR2YQonJBxWEvC5hNeikPdC5KpIcSoaaML9cJfSCs74DQy28c3-Wom7FUkVWgnDoyBwJLANjmHUQ2SB/s1600/20150707_202625-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtApaRyG0A5MZyl1gumDMwi7qhqwAH0KHQox8SCnBuqb3y0ktAhA5dEWhs5JaquIR2YQonJBxWEvC5hNeikPdC5KpIcSoaaML9cJfSCs74DQy28c3-Wom7FUkVWgnDoyBwJLANjmHUQ2SB/s320/20150707_202625-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here is a picture of his little face. Can you see his cubby cheeks?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv8NAQ1EMDSl79BjQIY181PSpZNSy8S-Xq_HrY1Yq47PD6h3-jwNAWO1haFcG4sLCBw6O7z4qlg2N3NwLUaHqo2Yk4Ae_7xaxAH4OBczOgIRDpCdxP903ZB4Xfy6BgiYA-R9Wl5Qzd0Yb5/s1600/20150707_202839.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv8NAQ1EMDSl79BjQIY181PSpZNSy8S-Xq_HrY1Yq47PD6h3-jwNAWO1haFcG4sLCBw6O7z4qlg2N3NwLUaHqo2Yk4Ae_7xaxAH4OBczOgIRDpCdxP903ZB4Xfy6BgiYA-R9Wl5Qzd0Yb5/s320/20150707_202839.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Look at that perfect foot! I just love feeling those feet kick me often!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiorhTV5Yeee8WuIsUSVvFr5TKh7GlBxpzWjhfm_SvB-JD41unCeFsYa2ISMTi6q1E8euJtKFLSK7w7nGRo9rkbXy0bcyp1T9WYhwe7iKyskausHAf4gVrko8uClkeVrh0vIaiMpZtFZ6u7/s1600/20150707_202855.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiorhTV5Yeee8WuIsUSVvFr5TKh7GlBxpzWjhfm_SvB-JD41unCeFsYa2ISMTi6q1E8euJtKFLSK7w7nGRo9rkbXy0bcyp1T9WYhwe7iKyskausHAf4gVrko8uClkeVrh0vIaiMpZtFZ6u7/s320/20150707_202855.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you look closely, you can see his arm and hand in this picture. </span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He loves to have his hands by his face.</span> </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-56620955940886130952015-06-24T06:37:00.002-07:002015-06-24T06:37:59.207-07:00Noah News<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><div align="left">
</div>
<br />
<div align="left">
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is about time for another post about our little Noah! We are so excited to share that everything is still going very well with this pregnancy. Noah seems to be growing bigger and stronger each day! He is a very active little boy, and most of my evenings are spent watching his little kicks and moves. I could just sit for hours talking to him, reading to him, and just watching him move. I continue to be so incredibly thankful for the peace of mind that comes from each movement. I never thought that one tiny little kick could bring so much comfort to my anxious heart. </span></div>
<div align="left">
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Today Noah is officially 26 weeks old! According to my pregnancy app, he is about the size of a head of lettuce, or a butternut squash. It is amazing that we are so close to leaving behind the second trimester already. The time is just flying by! As much as I cannot wait to hold this precious little guy in my arms, I do hope that the remainder of the pregnancy does not go by too fast. I love each minute of the bonding that we share together. There is nothing quite like the gift of knowing your little one is growing inside of you. I cherish this opportunity, and am soaking up every ache and pain that comes along with it! I have loved being pregnant with both of my babies! </span></div>
<div align="left">
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> There is still much anxiety and worry that comes along with each moment. As I fall more and more in love with Noah, I also worry more and more about his health, growth, and safety. I just want him to be healthy and happy in my arms when September comes around. It is scary at how you do everything that you can to eat healthy, to exercise, and to follow all of the healthy pregnancy rules, but yet so much is out of my control. This is exactly what God is teaching me in each moment. He is teaching me about full and complete trust. When everything is far beyond my control, I have learned that I need to fall into His faithful arms over and over again. It is a daily, and often a moment by moment, choice to put the most important things in your life into the hands of God. But I know that He has been faithful to us, and that He will continue to be faithful. I know that there is no greater, or more powerful hands than the hands of our Lord! He is gently and amazingly forming the body of my sweet little boy. </span></div>
<div align="left">
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> We have our next ultrasound and doctor appointment scheduled for July 7. That appointment is rapidly approaching! I am looking forward to seeing how much Noah has grown, and I hope that he cooperates so we can see each and every body part. We are also anticipating the upcoming classes that we will be attending to help us prepare for Noah's birth and arrival into the world. It was tough to register for these classes, knowing that I did the same when I was pregnant with Caroline, and then had to make the very difficult call to cancel our registration. Yet I know that Noah deserves the very best from us, and I want us to be prepared and ready to take the very best care of him when he arrives. I know that the months of July and August are going to be very busy! </span></div>
<div align="left">
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> This past weekend we finally made our big move. It has been an extremely emotional couple of weeks, and I am just so ready for life to settle down a little bit. We are working on getting our new house all set up, and finishing up with cleaning and packing at the old house. There have been many big changes and adjustments in the past month, and so we ask for continued prayer for peace, and for a calm heart in the days to come. </span></div>
<div align="left">
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Thank you so much for all of the continued thoughts and prayers. We are so blessed with all the love and support that has been showered upon us. Thank you for taking the time to think of us, and to lift us up to the Lord in prayer. I love being able to continue writing in my blog, and sharing the joys and the sorrows with all of you. I am so grateful that you continue to read and follow our story! </span></div>
<div align="left">
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div align="left">
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div align="left">
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here are a few updated pictures. I apologize that they are not the greatest pictures, I fail miserable at taking selfies! But I love being able to watch my belly grow each week!</span> </div>
<br />
<div align="left">
</div>
<div align="left">
</div>
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfcqXy_SfTg3cKyRF-ApQ7fnq3dWoeY0roydMGLXygPl2rGLfEgvUAbpbgUQeeaF8NbzXE8cJbgUGfSI6W2bcP4ZEKN9Eu3s3tgUx8m47aw2YZwlpf1yuSMDpb5Mr9S_bF0ZrCMFT7UPyk/s1600/20150610_104454-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfcqXy_SfTg3cKyRF-ApQ7fnq3dWoeY0roydMGLXygPl2rGLfEgvUAbpbgUQeeaF8NbzXE8cJbgUGfSI6W2bcP4ZEKN9Eu3s3tgUx8m47aw2YZwlpf1yuSMDpb5Mr9S_bF0ZrCMFT7UPyk/s320/20150610_104454-1.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">24 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicfjiGFjVhQ9F-svlDo-r11Q7I6SA2aPUHaugbd9Zyv1TdikpyI629VAjoCaD-AKuUCjun0FUXzPZ7c2flcb7KZFOOJhbHphbXuBH1R7zH2YhY0pU6XsGa-6R8zBqy33VIguJk8GXst3X9/s1600/20150611_182918.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicfjiGFjVhQ9F-svlDo-r11Q7I6SA2aPUHaugbd9Zyv1TdikpyI629VAjoCaD-AKuUCjun0FUXzPZ7c2flcb7KZFOOJhbHphbXuBH1R7zH2YhY0pU6XsGa-6R8zBqy33VIguJk8GXst3X9/s320/20150611_182918.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">24 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNoitvY-OeawoZMIMpogyeGtv8rxK56Ne72Y61kGNSvEt242DDL2az-Y2vmU4ci7Ud7-sK4S6Cr5vmMGt25tyGOD__Ky2fHoBYj39YkmSjdn3SC8C6FqKv2bPHERe3ykVOaUAAKwXuHFPh/s1600/20150611_182838.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNoitvY-OeawoZMIMpogyeGtv8rxK56Ne72Y61kGNSvEt242DDL2az-Y2vmU4ci7Ud7-sK4S6Cr5vmMGt25tyGOD__Ky2fHoBYj39YkmSjdn3SC8C6FqKv2bPHERe3ykVOaUAAKwXuHFPh/s320/20150611_182838.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">24 Weeks</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiszmV_dAQDS5JCMfjw9PGoK8TYzswR_dqaGfxTz3bJxyACXCBQd78Xp2JN9JDXuJ3FDleiiXgsBwjpYIYEYr8-xdMb7uy61JrskdyyeEyuqK03F2-X6j-c5NcPa0107WOanOZUS2elj-nt/s1600/20150622_063804.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiszmV_dAQDS5JCMfjw9PGoK8TYzswR_dqaGfxTz3bJxyACXCBQd78Xp2JN9JDXuJ3FDleiiXgsBwjpYIYEYr8-xdMb7uy61JrskdyyeEyuqK03F2-X6j-c5NcPa0107WOanOZUS2elj-nt/s320/20150622_063804.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">25 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin-n6vWv9cBf4AZqBFHLcZ29f00-PGfJf0zANItUDwosimSg-wsoMsCPB5z4VEFpns9TFzcmFfnBNYiKYC_Lyx9jrJdlDwdb9oKx-OXE6MCCfWFKF4ZodNXcbAmzbnSQHwLk9eRtOu5o94/s1600/20150622_063801.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin-n6vWv9cBf4AZqBFHLcZ29f00-PGfJf0zANItUDwosimSg-wsoMsCPB5z4VEFpns9TFzcmFfnBNYiKYC_Lyx9jrJdlDwdb9oKx-OXE6MCCfWFKF4ZodNXcbAmzbnSQHwLk9eRtOu5o94/s320/20150622_063801.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">25 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNnLM_XlWaEbLJkyKgmY77EwBVFb8B7lIK1aslqEe_Y-in3YathpJ6cUL4ipVX19HgJe-HT2LW7iExDjqM1gJXtrEw9TI2p2e_UvXHRz-dNfzhz2us-ArdG-58MFZCekzDeY3Q4q3pHDOI/s1600/20150622_063727.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNnLM_XlWaEbLJkyKgmY77EwBVFb8B7lIK1aslqEe_Y-in3YathpJ6cUL4ipVX19HgJe-HT2LW7iExDjqM1gJXtrEw9TI2p2e_UvXHRz-dNfzhz2us-ArdG-58MFZCekzDeY3Q4q3pHDOI/s320/20150622_063727.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">25 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-53868433228073186202015-06-17T18:01:00.000-07:002015-06-17T18:02:39.286-07:00Happy 1st Birthday Caroline Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnXPufMI73cChxlI3cFYxD84oBMdKJsz5h47MbPunVW67Bi7MG5JddpxBgdlGxyrxNk2G32vFQuWlAmrksAtYtaF-kQYgFQQ4azvslhRb6ghDGs5ST9NusQoKrbetP7i6Y2F4G2zzy1txB/s1600/received_m_mid_1403233939836_187db8a3e2b019c327_0.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnXPufMI73cChxlI3cFYxD84oBMdKJsz5h47MbPunVW67Bi7MG5JddpxBgdlGxyrxNk2G32vFQuWlAmrksAtYtaF-kQYgFQQ4azvslhRb6ghDGs5ST9NusQoKrbetP7i6Y2F4G2zzy1txB/s320/received_m_mid_1403233939836_187db8a3e2b019c327_0.jpeg" width="257" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrCvl4mQc8d7wCiEBrdERxEqidNY0D6-YKSmj1dRlDY_F4DXcuN3L8685S_uB7u0jQvhEZNxw3oW5TCYpZUiz1q2rQeO3bkfmpdn7pDDhLJ-VJQYXdUV1Ez9S-GMfEvNvKOHYsSicZDhub/s1600/Baby+Mulder_1760_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrCvl4mQc8d7wCiEBrdERxEqidNY0D6-YKSmj1dRlDY_F4DXcuN3L8685S_uB7u0jQvhEZNxw3oW5TCYpZUiz1q2rQeO3bkfmpdn7pDDhLJ-VJQYXdUV1Ez9S-GMfEvNvKOHYsSicZDhub/s320/Baby+Mulder_1760_edited-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhHGGHAudVlUrGxQaXXrb0S-UtMmkDCYtZiROuQdNxLjFudbKq76mmmNMIYuoRI_v_j_tjV-jWe2LeNawWW7i2Djf1lXLhAUnG0QFzINFYsG4bCg_ppas3sOn24SJcw0Q7bEwpVQC6iWgh/s1600/Baby+Mulder_1723_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhHGGHAudVlUrGxQaXXrb0S-UtMmkDCYtZiROuQdNxLjFudbKq76mmmNMIYuoRI_v_j_tjV-jWe2LeNawWW7i2Djf1lXLhAUnG0QFzINFYsG4bCg_ppas3sOn24SJcw0Q7bEwpVQC6iWgh/s320/Baby+Mulder_1723_edited-1.jpg" width="230" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta;"> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happy 1st Birthday Caroline Joy!</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;">We love you!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"> Dear Caroline,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;">Happy Birthday sweet girl! I miss you and I love you more than you will ever know. My heart was broken today, as I thought about celebrating your birthday without you here. Yet this morning, as I watched the clock move to 5:16, the moment you entered into this world, I remembered every detail. I watched the flame burn brightly on your pink candle, and I remembered. Every detail of your beautiful birth. Every detail of your precious body. Every detail of the moments we shared together. They were all so vividly clear. My dear Caroline, I am so thankful for those memories, and for those moments that we shared. They hold me together, and they fill my heart with joy. Despite the pain of missing you, and the ache of empty arms, I felt joy in my heart today. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"> The truth Caroline, is that tonight, I am just feeling sad. I miss you so much it hurts. It is so hard to describe all of the feelings that have filled my heart. Yet despite the pain, and the tears, I want to focus on the good things! The day was filled with so much love and support, and it truly helped me to realize how blessed we truly are. There are so many people who remembered you today, who spoke your name to me (through written words), who shared your story with others (on social media and just by talking about you), and who celebrated your birthday. I cannot even begin to say how much that means to your mommy. Each time I saw someone share your name, or remind me that they are praying for us, it filled my eyes with tears. I never want you to be forgotten sweet girl, and today it showed how many people you have touched throughout the past year. How many amazing and wonderful people remembered your birthday today, and helped us to celebrate and remember in such special ways. The day was also filled with small blessings, tiny reminders of you. Little moments that filled my heart with joy, as I think about the wonderful party I am sure you were having in Heaven. I read a book this morning, and this page stood out to me. It says... "Mommy, please don't cry...we have lots of parties here, with streamers and hats and the best chocolate cake ever! I can just picture the celebration that you are having in Heaven today, bigger than any party I could ever give you. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZCQDf8eRDitE-jPQN1QYSIh0OJ2d5y8iaZYjPQiQDSAAXF-XiNmdfEh7LA9Fb0mPErneJDDxe51QmQMqP9fYXP-wp_wERsbreypU2aQBWk69h9SYHwBAruhyphenhyphencPBz27syBr6kxTVAdI0P/s1600/20150617_195534.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZCQDf8eRDitE-jPQN1QYSIh0OJ2d5y8iaZYjPQiQDSAAXF-XiNmdfEh7LA9Fb0mPErneJDDxe51QmQMqP9fYXP-wp_wERsbreypU2aQBWk69h9SYHwBAruhyphenhyphencPBz27syBr6kxTVAdI0P/s640/20150617_195534.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Your daddy and I wanted to make you a special cake. We shared it on your table at the birthday celebration we had on Saturday. But today, we lit a candle for you and sang Happy Birthday, because every little girl deserves a birthday cake on her birthday. We wish that we could watch you eat it, and get the pink frosting all over your face! We wish that you were here to listen to us sing to you, and to see your eyes light up when we helped you blow out the candle. We wish that you could taste that frosting, and we could snap pictures of you enjoying your cake. Oh how we wish all of those things for you. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMLr6qe9lRwTPbq4P41ARmSM8uYEOPdLdl_DLFzF5-NMLYsrWZZeEKvFY4dmHgZrtjUf-dQv_Y6DVxauiD61wCv9s9-M-_MkhqNbowPyUrhMI_Jvjfpi5fssttJ9Qf8yQS058f5WP8tNSK/s1600/20150617_195248.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMLr6qe9lRwTPbq4P41ARmSM8uYEOPdLdl_DLFzF5-NMLYsrWZZeEKvFY4dmHgZrtjUf-dQv_Y6DVxauiD61wCv9s9-M-_MkhqNbowPyUrhMI_Jvjfpi5fssttJ9Qf8yQS058f5WP8tNSK/s400/20150617_195248.jpg" width="225" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;">As I sat on the back porch, missing you, I was greeted by the warmth of a smile, and a beautiful vase of flowers. The kindness of amazing friends. I am so thankful for the joy that those flowers brought to my heart. Each tiny petal is a reminder to me of God's faithfulness. He has made each and every flower so delicate, unique, and pretty. No two flowers are exactly alike. Our God takes care of each and every flower, and helps them grow from tiny seeds. Caroline, God loves you so much! Although I do not need to tell you that. You already know how much God loves you. You know how much God loves you, even more than I will ever be able to comprehend. Because you are experiencing real love, as you sit in the presence of Jesus. It is so much more than I could ever ask for you my precious daughter. As much as I want you here with me, I feel such peace in my heart. I know that your body is now perfect, and that there is no hurt, no tears, and no sadness in Heaven. This morning I listened to the song I Can Only Imagine. As I reflected on the words to that song, I realized that although I can only imagine what it must be like in Heaven, you already know. You know! You know what it is like to be there, dancing in the Presence of Jesus. You know! </span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"> Today has been really tough sweet girl, and your mommy is so thankful for the strength of your Daddy. He has kept me going, encouraged me to laugh and smile, and helped me remember all of the precious memories. He has stood beside me the whole day, when I would have fallen apart on my own. You have an amazing Dad Caroline! I know that he is one of God's greatest blessings in my life. I am so thankful for all of the little blessings and reminders that God placed in my path today. </span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgulL-URvOvdtqjafA9j-YTqMl3DTHmb7d-aA5GbJI_F2XfvqCcOoST3pheQe2cc28AELa_05_SQ7IYWXurBlK5E0qB64XTUuQo9-FpsDnPu0b9k2vQAqZkqbuq0FW-SBI0VRF3J53i_GkE/s1600/20150617_195304.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgulL-URvOvdtqjafA9j-YTqMl3DTHmb7d-aA5GbJI_F2XfvqCcOoST3pheQe2cc28AELa_05_SQ7IYWXurBlK5E0qB64XTUuQo9-FpsDnPu0b9k2vQAqZkqbuq0FW-SBI0VRF3J53i_GkE/s320/20150617_195304.jpg" width="180" /></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB9ukuv_KMp3tbQvmgkK8_KJHZ0aJj4krHUiN-sHx4Lqwq9sHmNjZ-3Dt338LepFIXEqRM4MQV-UandKY8_mS7hTZWVoOumIqi312t9FphrsGbM7ZCaY04H94t1mXDkROycsyOIwtAcq0u/s1600/20150617_195227.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB9ukuv_KMp3tbQvmgkK8_KJHZ0aJj4krHUiN-sHx4Lqwq9sHmNjZ-3Dt338LepFIXEqRM4MQV-UandKY8_mS7hTZWVoOumIqi312t9FphrsGbM7ZCaY04H94t1mXDkROycsyOIwtAcq0u/s320/20150617_195227.jpg" width="180" /></a><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"> </span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"> Happy 1st Birthday to our sweet little girl! We love you so much Caroline Joy! You are so missed, but you will never ever be forgotten. You will always hold a very special place in our hearts. We are so thankful that God choose us to be your parents. You are such a gift to us! We love you,</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"> Until we meet again...</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"> Mommy and Daddy</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<div class="verse" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can only imagine<br /> what it would be like<br /> When I walk, by your side<br /> I can only imagine,<br /> What my eyes would see,<br /> When your face, is before me<br /> I can only imagine, I can only imagine</span></div>
<div class="verse" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To be surrounded by your glory<br /> What will my heart feel<br /> Will I dance for you Jesus<br /> Or In awe of you be still<br /> Will I stand in your presence<br /> To my knees will I fall<br /> Will I sing hallelujah<br /> Will I be able to speak at all<br /> I can only imagine, yeah, I can only imagine</span></div>
<div class="verse" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can only imagine, when that day comes<br /> And I find myself standing in the Sun<br /> I can only imagine,when all I will do<br /> Is forever, forever worship you<br /> I can only imagine, I can only imagine</span></div>
<div class="verse" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Surrounded by your glory<br /> What will my heart feel<br /> Will I dance for you Jesus<br /> Or In awe of you be still<br /> Will I stand in your presence<br /> To my knees Will I fall<br /> Will I sing hallelujah<br /> Will I be able to speak at all<br /> I can only imagine, I can only imagine</span></div>
<div class="verse" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> surrounded by your glory<br /> What will my heart feel<br /> Will I dance for you Jesus<br /> Or In awe of you be still<br /> Will I stand in your presence<br /> To my knees will I fall<br /> Will I sing hallelujah<br /> Will I be able to speak at all<br /> I can only imagine, I can only imagine</span></div>
<br /><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-33380826141785786662015-06-10T06:39:00.002-07:002015-06-10T06:39:26.957-07:00Noah News<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana;">I wanted to share a post with some Noah news! We have reached 24 weeks today! This is a huge milestone, and we are so thankful for each week that we</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana;">are given with him. It has been such a huge blessing to be feeling such an active little boy! He has been squirming and kicking often! Both Josh and I have been able to feel him, and watch him as he moves around in his tiny little home. Those active movements and kicks have brought such joy to my heart, and such incredible peace to my mind. It never ceases to amaze me at how much love I have for this little boy already. I spend countless hours dreaming about him, and wondering what he is going to look like when he is born. Will he look like his daddy, his mommy, both of us? Will he look like his big sister? </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana;"> I am loving each and every moment of being pregnant. I know that I will never again take this amazing gift for granted. It has been another pretty smooth pregnancy on my part. I feel great, and love watching and feeling as my belly is getting bigger each day! Each week I am keeping track of the growth of my belly, and it is just amazing at how God has so perfectly designed everything so that within only 9 months, a baby is fully formed and ready to begin life in the outside world. We truly serve such an incredible God! </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana;"> We are still having frequent doctor appointments, but not as often as we did throughout the early weeks. Yesterday Noah and I had to go in for the super fun Glucose Test. Noah certainly loved all of the extra sugar! The doctor was able to find his heartbeat right away, and it was beating in the 140's! So thankful to be able to hear that strong heart beating away. We are also measuring right on target for 24 weeks. Each doctor appointment begins with incredible anxiety and worry, but leaves me with a huge smile on my face and peace in my heart. Praise the Lord! We are so thankful for every good report that we are given for Noah. Our next appointment will be at the beginning of July, and we will be having another ultrasound. I am so excited to see how much our little guy has grown since our last ultrasound at 20 weeks! </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana;"> We have slowly begun to do little things to prepare for his big arrival in September. It isn't always easy, but I am taking small steps in trusting that we are going to have a healthy little boy to take home. I have gotten everything all set up with a pediatrician for Noah after he is born, and recently started researching and registering for baby items. Yesterday I even bought the book "What To Expect, The First Year" so that I can start reading ahead this summer! Josh and I have also cautiously started talking about the future, and what it is going to look like with a new baby in our house. These are all small steps, but they also have been very exciting steps. It has not been easy to allow myself to trust, to hope, and to plan. It just seems downright scary at times. But each time I feel those strong kicks, and I look down at my ever growing belly, I realize that Noah deserves this. He deserves the very best that we can give him. I am leaning heavily on the Lord as we walk through each day, and I am learning more and more about trust with each breath that I breathe. It has been a journey that is far more difficult than I ever imagined, and yet I am so excited to see what God has in store for our family in the months ahead. We take each step trusting that He is faithful, and will guide us through whatever lies ahead. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana;"> We would like to thank so many people for praying us through the past months. This exciting and scary journey has been such a blessing to us, and we are so thankful for all of the love and support from so many. We are thankful for the notes of encouragement, the questions, the congratulations, the excitement, and the prayers. We feel so blessed to have so many amazing people in our life! Thank you! </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana;"> I would like to share a few pictures of the past few weeks with all of you! Now you can watch Noah growing along with me! </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpUA7v-ozpcz9DegleB_iK7ZTRaptpGuGV_K4OOFUrDb3OklMv_Quk5TpeaXAPEr6AysPHPVC_rqWcNIK-t0QUTA9u1rmcT_99xCJsu87SmOhJ_eD6jFGfPGSIA5m2tOxEALJ1koPVUF_G/s1600/20150512_192739.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpUA7v-ozpcz9DegleB_iK7ZTRaptpGuGV_K4OOFUrDb3OklMv_Quk5TpeaXAPEr6AysPHPVC_rqWcNIK-t0QUTA9u1rmcT_99xCJsu87SmOhJ_eD6jFGfPGSIA5m2tOxEALJ1koPVUF_G/s320/20150512_192739.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">20 Weeks</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Halfway there!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp0CkVNy44jqRd6oIfR8pZ8y_ykOhFyQ1cnprY3qKs9lNWjHqszKSw7l3yfEnqrZvSonK8aeghQH6EWvA6IVgI9cxW6pOjHDHOBNzkS4bjpFlmVrWN-l7EGiMbMXZIJdhDCwSZZnND8suM/s1600/20150529_114538.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp0CkVNy44jqRd6oIfR8pZ8y_ykOhFyQ1cnprY3qKs9lNWjHqszKSw7l3yfEnqrZvSonK8aeghQH6EWvA6IVgI9cxW6pOjHDHOBNzkS4bjpFlmVrWN-l7EGiMbMXZIJdhDCwSZZnND8suM/s320/20150529_114538.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">22 Weeks</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK65FAaSoCVQc9_VptFdx14Np3P3gtIUIkSHmmV6MSUfw1lMOwUD2HyOlFw06BkVtSmt4UjcDB_6MOuUJR11XWrl9Nrim2_xY-uLqyfp6pM1knUfK4OsGRn8Nf2HahRy5ekYgTBbGiNDgG/s1600/20150609_201252.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK65FAaSoCVQc9_VptFdx14Np3P3gtIUIkSHmmV6MSUfw1lMOwUD2HyOlFw06BkVtSmt4UjcDB_6MOuUJR11XWrl9Nrim2_xY-uLqyfp6pM1knUfK4OsGRn8Nf2HahRy5ekYgTBbGiNDgG/s320/20150609_201252.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">23 Weeks</span> </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVoXpeRzIy4V-YgY-3fsRDe89G8zbMT5s2-IVaG8AEKDilp1mH3woAnYah8jfAUv-Leq2-AeREHPMXEyTjr02XtYEzStww0DO4lMLvsRXYqMr1mH8YwoA4QEvAoNNw60NQP2fdn4GexUFK/s1600/20150609_201410.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVoXpeRzIy4V-YgY-3fsRDe89G8zbMT5s2-IVaG8AEKDilp1mH3woAnYah8jfAUv-Leq2-AeREHPMXEyTjr02XtYEzStww0DO4lMLvsRXYqMr1mH8YwoA4QEvAoNNw60NQP2fdn4GexUFK/s320/20150609_201410.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">23 Weeks</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having a little fun!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-31225027476650008962015-06-10T05:56:00.003-07:002015-06-10T05:56:46.745-07:00True Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVTFHBwJNeCmg7XhzX9zowqM6jWtCHJVhaJdQYWxBM8EeTYv_REN2obrSRYnwfchMOI16XohMFB1FbwGYnEMwIppvXybGWnGJ1WxQAPqVVHrpfnSsKEyr_-e7tj25siLW4GxX8BW3M-FAl/s1600/Joy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVTFHBwJNeCmg7XhzX9zowqM6jWtCHJVhaJdQYWxBM8EeTYv_REN2obrSRYnwfchMOI16XohMFB1FbwGYnEMwIppvXybGWnGJ1WxQAPqVVHrpfnSsKEyr_-e7tj25siLW4GxX8BW3M-FAl/s320/Joy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The past few days I have been doing so much thinking and remembering. It is very bittersweet, and I often end up shedding a few tears. But I have to say, the greatest feeling in my heart has been Joy. I continue to go back to every memory, and every moment that we had with our precious daughter. I would never trade those moments for anything. As difficult as it is to not have her here in my arms today, I know that loving her, and having her in my life for those 35 weeks was the greatest gift I could have ever been given. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"> In the brief moments that I had left with Caroline in my arms at the hospital, I spent some time alone with her to say goodbye. At that time we did not know that she was a girl. But in my heart, I knew. I told her that when we found out for sure, that her name was going to be Caroline. We had a different middle name picked out for her, and I remember that before she was born, I really liked it. Yet somehow, sitting in that hospital bed, with my daughter in my arms, it just didn't seem to fit. If she truly was a girl, then I knew, we would call her Caroline Joy. Because in the midst of the sadness, the tears streaming down my face, and the intense pounding of my heart, I still felt joy. I was so thankful that she was mine, and that I had been given the gift of time to spend with her. I was so thankful for all of the memories that I knew I would cherish forever. I was so thankful that even though I was sad and heartbroken, I knew that my daughter was now safely in the arms of Jesus. Therefore, in that moment, I decided that if I was truly holding a daughter in my arms, then her name would be Caroline Joy. The name fit perfectly. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"> This morning I was sitting outside on the back porch, and in the middle of some dark and heavy clouds, there was an opening. It was a fluffy white cloud, clear blue sky opening. It was beautiful! There was just a small glimmer of the sunshine that was peeking through. In that moment, as I smiled at its beauty, I thought of Caroline. I feel such joy in my heart knowing that she is safely in the arms of Jesus. I know that here on earth she would have been in such pain, and likely facing a life of surgeries and complications. But I know that up there in Heaven, she has been made completely whole. She is living in a perfect body now, where she is not feeling any pain. The only thing she has ever known is love, and that is more than I could ever ask for my children. I know that she felt such incredible love during her short time here on this earth, and now she is experiencing the greatest of love in Heaven. It is a love that is so far beyond anything we could ever imagine. This morning I pictured our heavenly Father gathering Caroline's little body into His strong arms, and holding her close. It is such a beautiful picture of His great love for us, His children. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG8968hcAdFCeuYuoi9AP56gwrDj7Og_r-GRTZwdQC5IcHJPxlp8Opfu_UzXMlcxRL3Vrg4qgiEJjDN11xapvMz3VKxA4lKCDJ_AQGZc4w4wa1k3o0XqkTYlUWlBgFb1_zdWHsq8X1NpB5/s1600/Sense_of_joy_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG8968hcAdFCeuYuoi9AP56gwrDj7Og_r-GRTZwdQC5IcHJPxlp8Opfu_UzXMlcxRL3Vrg4qgiEJjDN11xapvMz3VKxA4lKCDJ_AQGZc4w4wa1k3o0XqkTYlUWlBgFb1_zdWHsq8X1NpB5/s320/Sense_of_joy_2.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"></span> <span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even now, as I miss her deeply here on this earth, I thank God that she is now in a place where there is no pain, no tears, no sadness, and no hurt. It does not mean that I will ever understand why it was in God's plan for her to be taken away from us so soon, and it does not mean that the pain and the sadness is any less, or that I don't miss her every second of each day. But it does mean that God, in His great love and mercy, choose to give my daughter the very best life. A life spent in Heaven for eternity, a life of wholeness, a life of perfection, a life of love, a life of praising our Creator, a life of truth, joy, and beauty. Though her tiny body failed her here on this earth, she is now perfect and whole through Jesus. And that truth brings such peace to my heart. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"> I wrote before about the dance, between joy and grief. It is a very real reality each moment of the day. In grief, you have no way of knowing from one moment to the next what thoughts and emotions are going to fill your heart and your head. But through the past year, I can say with all honesty, "it is well with my soul". In no way does it take away from the anger, the pain, the questions, the tears, and the sadness that I still experience each day. But it does mean that I am thankful. I am thankful that my daughter is experiencing fullness and wholeness in Heaven. I am thankful for the joy that she has, and continues to bring into my life. I am thankful that God has chosen to give her a beautiful and perfect life, where she knows nothing of the pain and imperfection she would have faced here on this earth. I am thankful for the gift of joy, that continues to present itself in the most amazing, thought provoking, and surprising ways. And above all, I am thankful for my daughter, Caroline Joy, who has taught me so much about myself, about God, and about living a life surrounded by love, joy, and hope. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;">I would like to say a very big thank you to each and every one who has taken the time to pray for us throughout the past weeks. We cannot even begin to say how much it truly means to us. We find such strength in knowing that so many are still supporting us, and lifting us up to the Lord. Thank you! </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<br />Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2469143703480477509.post-86436923439736034362015-06-07T17:12:00.000-07:002015-06-07T17:12:13.630-07:00Ever closer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg38Icg_DlgRPe448HYTlpwgMp_lTiDyBRpG646-gykOwKm89OKsG147_73aUkzouZscuIzSP7-mhHzi2Vp8kCBemo-s602_fNu4XSAG5gZGQTUot_H5FI_hrCQhaEe9a8ggGhP9pUYSb5w/s1600/20150607_172553.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg38Icg_DlgRPe448HYTlpwgMp_lTiDyBRpG646-gykOwKm89OKsG147_73aUkzouZscuIzSP7-mhHzi2Vp8kCBemo-s602_fNu4XSAG5gZGQTUot_H5FI_hrCQhaEe9a8ggGhP9pUYSb5w/s320/20150607_172553.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> It has been looming in front of me, for the past few months. I knew that it was approaching, yet I tried to forget. My focus shifted to so many things, but I never allowed the reality to truly sink in. Yet here it is, we have entered into the month of June. The month of my daughters birth. The month of hello, and the month of goodbye. The month that forever changed my life. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana;"> Sometimes I still wonder how we made it this far. How I have managed to carry on, even though I feel like my heart is still missing. I wonder how I continue to smile, and to laugh, and to feel true joy in my heart. I wonder how I manage to get up each morning, to the silence of the house around me. I wonder how I get past the ache that I feel each day, when I realize that my arms are still empty. I wonder how my heart continues to love, when it has lost so much. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana;"> This month should be marked with happiness, with joy, and with great celebration. A one year birthday is a really big deal. It is a day where I should be snapping pictures of my sweet little girl, as she greets the day with bright eyes, a wide smile, and those joyful baby noises. I should be decorating the house in pink, planning her birthday party, and shopping for a special birthday dress. I should be reflecting over all of the accomplishments and milestones that have occurred since the day of her birth. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana;"> Instead, I walk into an empty room. A room that never held my precious daughter. A room that was filled with so many hopes and dreams. A room that will now forever only be, a should have been. Instead I open my carefully sealed dresser drawer, and pull out two beautiful pink dresses. Dresses that I bought many years ago, when having a baby was only a hope for the future. Dresses that are marked "one year" and would fit her perfectly during these upcoming summer months. They will forever bring tears to my eyes, and pain to my heart. I should be dressing her up, and watching her toddle through the grass in the sunshine. Instead I open up the mailbox, and find an Oriental Trading magazine. It is a "first birthday" edition, with a happy looking little girl smiling on the front. Surrounding her is a cascade of pink birthday decorations. I never receive Oriental Trading catalogs, so why now? Why this? Instead of eagerly flipping through the pages to find the perfect decorations and themes, I threw it angrily across the room. The rest of my day spent in heartbreaking tears, as I faced the awful, painful, heartbreaking reality. My daughter is not here for her birthday. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana;"> As I look at the date today, I realize that at this time last year, we only had ten days left with Caroline. We had no way of knowing when she was going to arrive, and we prayed with all of our hearts to be given until her due date at the end of July. But God had other plans for her birth. He had her life in His powerful and mighty hands right from the very beginning, including that early Tuesday morning. He knew exactly what moment she would enter into the world, and how many breaths that she would take. He knew that we would fall in love with our sweet little baby as we marveled at her tiny features. He knew that she would fit perfectly in our arms. He knew that there would be joy as we celebrated her life, and spoke gentle loving words into her little ears. He knew that she would be loved by so many, and held with such care. He knew that the tears would fall, and He held each one in His hands. He knew that saying goodbye would be incredibly difficult (the hardest thing we have ever been asked to do), and somehow He filled our hearts with peace. He knew that the ride home would be lonely, and dark, and painful, and yet He filled us with His Presence. He knew that we would ache to hold her, touch her, and care for her, but He gave us the love and support from so many. He knew that there would be tears, screaming, anger, questions, and sadness, but He never abandoned us. He knew that the silence would be deafening, and that the time seemed to stop, but He gave us the strength to keep walking forward, one step, one moment, at a time. He knew. He was there. He provides. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana;"> The next ten days leading up to what should be Caroline's first birthday are not going to be easy. I know that there already have, and probably will continue to be moments when it hits me very hard. Those little triggers are so unexpected, and out of my control. I know that the days will be filled with memories of one year ago, and the sadness of all that we have missed. I wish with all my heart that it could be different. I wish that she was here with me right now. But reality sinks in once again, and I have to make a choice. The same choice that I make each and every day. I choose to focus on the blessings, the joy, the memories, and also embrace the grief. I choose to take another step forward, one day at a time. I choose to remember my daughter, and to celebrate her life. I choose to focus on my blessings, and thank God for giving me joy in my heart. I choose to live life to the fullest, because I know that is what she would want. I choose to be sad, and angry, and hurt, and to just feel, because I know that it is all a part of grief. I choose to love her more and more with each day that goes by, because she will always be my heart. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana;"> As I anticipate the arrival of June 17, I do not know what to expect. I do not know how I am going to feel, or what I am even going to be able to do. There is once again so much unknown. It is hard to prepare yourself for a day that scares you completely, that breaks your heart all over again. All I want is to have her here. I want that so badly. But knowing that she is not here, makes me want to remember her in a special way. As her mom I still feel like my job is to protect her, to take care of her, and to honor her. I know that those feelings will never go away. So on her birthday I feel like it is important to do something special for her. I do not know what that is yet, but I am praying for God's leading. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhod9p8AZATE0DCkUdCP7IkjTIafzMpDaFkrpA9rrzM-AdtFTtGZfVxt8ibWo-67QVZjvuMY04nXE0lM0cdD0ZafI9Z_hafAFWp54_uBgxNuDef_BK0WarC9W_0_XPE48Mco_Gmy2zTzGqo/s1600/20150607_172417.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhod9p8AZATE0DCkUdCP7IkjTIafzMpDaFkrpA9rrzM-AdtFTtGZfVxt8ibWo-67QVZjvuMY04nXE0lM0cdD0ZafI9Z_hafAFWp54_uBgxNuDef_BK0WarC9W_0_XPE48Mco_Gmy2zTzGqo/s320/20150607_172417.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know that the days to come are going to be really tough. I have already had some really rough days leading up to the month of June. But I am so thankful for God's faithfulness to me. He has truly brought healing to my heart during the past year. Even though it has come through tiny baby steps, and sometimes I feel like I take a giant step backward before I can continue moving forward, I truly feel that there is hope in front of me. One of the greatest sources of healing has come through Caroline's little brother. Noah has brought so much joy back into my heart. As I feel his precious little kicks and movements, I thank God for the gift of his life. I am so grateful that God has blessed me with this sweet little boy, and I eagerly await the day that he is placed in my arms. </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana;"> I also feel healing in my heart when I sit outside. When I smell the lilacs, feel the gentle breeze, see the puffy white clouds in the sky, and hear the birds chirping happily. Those simple blessings bring joy to my heart, and they fill me with hope. Also, weekends with my family and husband up north by the lake, celebrating our 5 year anniversary, beautiful flowers, and of course, ice cream! These things have all become a part of my healing journey, and I will never again take them for granted. I am so thankful that God has brought all of these moments of joy into my life, as they mix with the sadness and grief. Before walking down this journey I never would have understood how you can have both at the same time. After all, when we are happy we are not suppose to be sad at the same time. Yet that is the journey of grief. It is a dance. It is a constant mix between sadness and joy. This has become my new normal, and although it is far from easy, I know that it is going to be okay. I cannot imagine my life any other way. It is because of Caroline that I can miss her so deeply it hurts every inch of my body, and yet I still smile. She has brought such joy to my heart, and I will forever be thankful for her. As I approach her birthday in just ten short days, I know that there is going to be much sadness, and much grief. I know it is going to be really hard. Yet I am thankful for the glimmers of light that continue to shine through. I am thankful for the hope that comes only from the Lord, who continues to be my strength. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4QhOk2VOksIOV7-pnDlJoFShQCiTksZZzV1wZi_0YY6owjDpDPK6sqvz_ew1aNRWRNWn8LsrSIcNa7GkuZfrZsW1SHudQpC38Oe3EOJe3hCAkcWu2kMJraorA3T3OI8vcDViTj5WTYXmT/s1600/20150515_201934.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4QhOk2VOksIOV7-pnDlJoFShQCiTksZZzV1wZi_0YY6owjDpDPK6sqvz_ew1aNRWRNWn8LsrSIcNa7GkuZfrZsW1SHudQpC38Oe3EOJe3hCAkcWu2kMJraorA3T3OI8vcDViTj5WTYXmT/s320/20150515_201934.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though the Lord brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I hope in Him!" </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana;"> Lamentations 3:22-24</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
Amaliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10462236206748095026noreply@blogger.com0