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Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Happy 1st Birthday Caroline Joy



        Happy 1st Birthday Caroline Joy!
We love you!
 
 
 
     Dear Caroline,
 
Happy Birthday sweet girl! I miss you and I love you more than you will ever know. My heart was broken today, as I thought about celebrating your birthday without you here. Yet this morning, as I watched the clock move to 5:16, the moment you entered into this world, I remembered every detail. I watched the flame burn brightly on your pink candle, and I remembered. Every detail of your beautiful birth. Every detail of your precious body. Every detail of the moments we shared together. They were all so vividly clear. My dear Caroline, I am so thankful for those memories, and for those moments that we shared. They hold me together, and they fill my heart with joy. Despite the pain of missing you, and the ache of empty arms, I felt joy in my heart today.
    The truth Caroline, is that tonight, I am just feeling sad. I miss you so much it hurts. It is so hard to describe all of the feelings that have filled my heart. Yet despite the pain, and the tears, I want to focus on the good things! The day was filled with so much love and support, and it truly helped me to realize how blessed we truly are. There are so many people who remembered you today, who spoke your name to me (through written words), who shared your story with others (on social media and just by talking about you), and who celebrated your birthday. I cannot even begin to say how much that means to your mommy. Each time I saw someone share your name, or remind me that they are praying for us, it filled my eyes with tears. I never want you to be forgotten sweet girl, and today it showed how many people you have touched throughout the past year. How many amazing and wonderful people remembered your birthday today, and helped us to celebrate and remember in such special ways. The day was also filled with small blessings, tiny reminders of you. Little moments that filled my heart with joy, as I think about the wonderful party I am sure you were having in Heaven. I read a book this morning, and this page stood out to me. It says... "Mommy, please don't cry...we have lots of parties here, with streamers and hats and the best chocolate cake ever! I can just picture the celebration that you are having in Heaven today, bigger than any party I could ever give you.  


      Your daddy and I wanted to make you a special cake. We shared it on your table at the birthday celebration we had on Saturday. But today, we lit a candle for you and sang Happy Birthday, because every little girl deserves a birthday cake on her birthday. We wish that we could watch you eat it, and get the pink frosting all over your face! We wish that you were here to listen to us sing to you, and to see your eyes light up when we helped you blow out the candle. We wish that you could taste that frosting, and we could snap pictures of you enjoying your cake. Oh how we wish all of those things for you.


       As I sat on the back porch, missing you, I was greeted by the warmth of a smile, and a beautiful vase of flowers. The kindness of amazing friends. I am so thankful for the joy that those flowers brought to my heart. Each tiny petal is a reminder to me of God's faithfulness. He has made each and every flower so delicate, unique, and pretty. No two flowers are exactly alike. Our God takes care of each and every flower, and helps them grow from tiny seeds. Caroline, God loves you so much! Although I do not need to tell you that. You already know how much God loves you. You know how much God loves you, even more than I will ever be able to comprehend. Because you are experiencing real love, as you sit in the presence of Jesus. It is so much more than I could ever ask for you my precious daughter. As much as I want you here with me, I feel such peace in my heart. I know that your body is now perfect, and that there is no hurt, no tears, and no sadness in Heaven. This morning I listened to the song I Can Only Imagine. As I reflected on the words to that song, I realized that although I can only imagine what it must be like in Heaven, you already know. You know! You know what it is like to be there, dancing in the Presence of Jesus. You know!
     Today has been really tough sweet girl, and your mommy is so thankful for the strength of your Daddy. He has kept me going, encouraged me to laugh and smile, and helped me remember all of the precious memories. He has stood beside me the whole day, when I would have fallen apart on my own. You have an amazing Dad Caroline! I know that he is one of God's greatest blessings in my life. I am so thankful for all of the little blessings and reminders that God placed in my path today.
    


     Happy 1st Birthday to our sweet little girl! We love you so much Caroline Joy! You are so missed, but you will never ever be forgotten. You will always hold a very special place in our hearts. We are so thankful that God choose us to be your parents. You are such a gift to us! We love you,
     Until we meet again...
    
   Mommy and Daddy







I can only imagine
what it would be like
When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine,
What my eyes would see,
When your face, is before me
I can only imagine, I can only imagine
To be surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or In awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
To my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine, yeah, I can only imagine
I can only imagine, when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Sun
I can only imagine,when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine, I can only imagine
Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or In awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
To my knees Will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine, I can only imagine
 surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or In awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
To my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine, I can only imagine





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