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Monday, April 27, 2015

Hope in Front of Me

     On Saturday afternoon I went to visit Caroline's special place. It was a little chilly with the breeze, but otherwise it was a beautiful sunny day. When I got there, I could just feel God's peace washing over me in such an incredible way. I always feel such peace when I am sitting there beside her headstone. It feels as though she is very close to me in those moments. As I started talking to her, and sharing my heart, little baby inside of my stomach started moving around. It was such a monumental moment for me. Through those kicks and wiggles it seemed as if this little one was saying "hello" to his or her big sister. I could not help but feel such joy in that moment, as I realized that I am now a mommy to two very amazing little babies.
     I knew in that moment, as the wind blew all around, and as I felt those very distinct kicks inside, that my two precious babies were right there beside me. I know that this little one knows Caroline, and that she will always be a special part of our life. I also know that Caroline is smiling down on us, watching over us from Heaven. It was a reminder that I truly needed that day, and I am so thankful that God nudged me to stop and visit her special place that afternoon. He knew I needed a little reminder of the hope that we have through Him. The hope that one day, we will all be reunited together as a family.
     I am so thankful that God used those moments, with my precious babies, to remind me that He is in control. I am thankful that He is my hope! It does not mean that everything is always going to be easy, and that all the fears and anxiety are just going to disappear. But rather I know that no matter what happens, I will be alright. Because... "there is hope in front of me, there is a light, I still see it, there's a hand still holding me, even when I don't believe it, I might be down but I'm not dead, there's better days still up ahead, even after all I've seen, there's hope in front of me." I heard the lyrics to this song on my way home that afternoon. It is amazing at how those songs can just truly speak right to your heart. The part of the song that always hits me hard is where it says, "There's a hope still burning, I can feel it rising through the night, And my world's still turning, I can feel your love here by my side." In so many ways, I am still walking down the journey of grief, and loss, and missing my Caroline more with each day. Yet as I feel this little baby move, and as I watch my belly grow, I am reminded of God's goodness. My world is still turning, and it is a crazy mixed up mess most of the time. But through God, I can feel that hope still burning! It is truly still there. I can feel the hope of being with my sweet Caroline once again in Heaven, and I can feel the hope of a happy future with this sweet little baby. But most of all, I can feel God's love. His unconditional love that surrounds me fully and completely! Through every storm in life, and at the end of every rainbow, He is there holding me in His loving arms, and because of that truth, I know that there is hope in front of me.

Hope in Front of Me
By Danny Gokey
I've been running through rain
That I thought would never end
Trying to make it on faith
In a struggle against the wind
I've seen the dark and the broken places
But I know in my soul
No matter how bad it gets
I'll be alright

There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it
There's a hand still holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I might be down but I'm not dead
There's better days still up ahead
Even after all I've seen
There's hope in front of me

There's a place at the end of the storm
You finally find
Where the hurt and the tears and the pain
All fall behind

You open up your eyes and up ahead
There's a big sun shining
Right then and there you realize
You'll be alright

There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it
There's a hand still holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I might be down but I'm not dead
There's better days still up ahead
Even after all I've seen
There's hope in front of me

There's a hope still burning
I can feel it rising through the night
And my world's still turning
I can feel your love here by my side

You're my hope
You're the light, I still see it
Your hands are holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I've got to believe
I still have hope
You are my hope


Saturday, April 25, 2015

Even If The Healing Doesn't Come

      I wanted to share a song that has been close to my heart the past four months. I first heard this song on our way to our first doctor appointment and ultrasound. There was nothing that I could do to stop the tears from falling down my face as I listened to the lyrics. This song hit me in such a powerful way. Going into the office that day, there was absolutely no guarantee. I had no way of knowing what the doctor was going to tell us. There was no for sure that we would even hear a heartbeat. I was so scared. As my hands shook, my heart raced, and the tears fell, I was reminded once again of how I do not control my life.
I really wanted to put the actual music video to this song here on my blog for you to watch. But of course I am awful with technology, and after multiple frustrating attempts, I figured it was safer for me to just give up. I do have a very technologically awesome husband who is currently painting and can't really stop to help me right now. So if you have a moment please stop and listen to this song by clicking on this link: I pray that it touches your heart today in a special way.

Even If (The Healing Doesn't Come)
by Kutless
Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come

Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are

You’re still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You’re working all things for our good
We’ll sing your praise

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn’t come
     In that moment, the only thing that I could hold onto is what I know is true of my God. What He has proven to me faithfully over and over again. There are never any guarantees. We could be walking out of that doctor's office with tears streaming down our faces, and with broken hearts once again. We could be walking out in silence, with the shock of another scary diagnosis. It was so out of my control. I could not predict what was going to happen in that next hour. I could not tell anyone what I was going to see on that black and white ultrasound screen that morning. There was no guarantee.
     Yet through His love, as I wiped those tears from my face, I felt God draw near. There will never be words that can adequately describe the feeling of how His love surrounded me in that moment. Through that song, I could hear His gentle whisper, that even if the healing doesn't come, and we walk out in sorrow, or if we are blessed to walk out with smiles on our faces, He is going to be standing there beside us. He IS faithful!
     One of the things that I hope has come out so clearly through my writing, and through my life as well, is the resounding promise of His faithful to us. We have walked down a very painful journey, one I never dreamed we would have to face. But no matter how difficult it was, and continues to be, and no matter how out of control I have felt, God has always been there through every moment. He has walked so closely beside me, that I could not even begin to imagine doing any of this alone.
     We can cling to the reminders of God's faithfulness to us in the past, when we are facing struggles today. Sometimes those reminders are all that you have to hold onto in those very scary and uncertain moments. They become a promise for today. That even though what you are going through right now is far from easy, and those painful struggles can become all consuming, we have the hope of His promises. He will bring light to our darkness. He will bring joy back into our sorrow filled heart. He will give us strength for each moment. He will give us hope for a beautiful future. He will never leave us. Life can be so tough, but we have a good God!
     This pregnancy has been filled with fear and uncertainty, the constant worry that never leaves my mind. I want so badly to hope, to be excited, and to dream. But it is a constant battle. I am so scared to hope that we may be able to finally bring a baby home. I am so scared to picture having this little one moving in my arms. I am so scared to plan and prepare, because I have no guarantee. Oh how I want to be that innocent mother once again. I want to be happily searching out baby items online, and buying more baby clothes than I probably should. But something inside of me says NO. It will just hurt too much. There is just so much uncertainty that plagues my mind. I am always thinking the worst, and finding it is so hard to hope. Instead of wandering the baby aisles at Meijer, I still turn my head. Instead of browsing for baby items online, I find myself reading the Bible for that constant reassurance that my heart needs (which is a good thing!). It is just so scary to allow myself to believe that everything is going to work out this time.
     Yet despite the fear, worry, and anxiety that fills my heart and mind, I have found that each day I am allowing myself to love this little one more and more. Each time I feel those little flutters, it brings tears to my eyes, because I just know that he or she is growing bigger and stronger in there. Slowly I am able to learn a little bit more about this baby's personality with each day that goes by. I never thought that I would be able to love any baby as much as I love my Caroline, but I have discovered that my heart has easily grown by a million. I find that as I not only love my Caroline even more with every day that passes, I also love her little brother or sister even more with each day. My heart has just been expanded to love both of them more than I ever dreamed possible. It is the deep love of a mother's heart that allows me to keep moving forward. I am just so beyond blessed!
     But despite the love, it is a constant struggle each day as I face the unknown. Yet God has been faithful! He continues to remind me of His great love for me, and He fills my heart with peace in just the right moments. I know that despite the uncertainty of the days and months to come, He has been faithful, and He will continue to be faithful. I am thankful that He is carrying me through the tough days, where I find it difficult to trust. I am thankful that He continues to walk beside me, on the days when I feel confident in His presence. God is good! In the good and the bad, God is good!
     No matter what lies ahead on this journey of my life, I have placed my trust in God, ALWAYS! I will forever choose to praise Him, and to constantly proclaim "You're still the Great and Mighty One!"
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. "   
                                                                                   Hebrews 12:1-3

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Rainbow Baby Update

16 Weeks
      Since we made our big announcement last week, we have been absolutely flooded with well wishes and congratulations. There are no adequate words to say thank you enough for all of your love, prayers, thoughts, support, and kindness. We feel so incredibly loved and blessed! We are thankful for the assurance that our baby is being covered in prayer by so many.
     It is with joyful hearts that we would like to update everyone on our sweet rainbow baby. We had another hopeful ultrasound last week, and we were amazed at the progress and growth that we were able to see! Our baby is looking more and more like a real baby each time we get to peek into it's cozy little home. As of last week, our baby weighed 6 oz. During this ultrasound, we were currently at 15 weeks and 6 days. The doctor gave us a wonderful report, saying that our baby has a strong heartbeat, and that everything looks just the way she would expect from a normal, healthy baby. Our little one was so active that morning, kicking and squirming all over in there. We know that we are going to have our hands full when we finally get to meet this little one in just 5 short months!
     We feel so blessed to have the opportunity to see our little one every other week. I am always so anxious and nervous before each appointment, expecting to hear the worst. Yet I stand humbled each time we see our little one, happy and content, with a strong heartbeat, and developing normally. I will never ever take that for granted again. Going through the journey we walked with our precious Caroline has taught me so much. I have lost all innocence when it comes to everything in regards to pregnancy. Yet amidst all of the anxiety, fear, nerves, and pain that has come along with this pregnancy, it has allowed me to learn once again about fully placing my trust in the Lord. Now don't get me wrong, it is not always easy. Some days it is the hardest thing for me to do. But the truth that I keep coming back to, is that there is no other way. I can look back over all that we went through with Caroline, and I can see how God was faithful. He never once allowed us to walk on our own. Even though I wished so badly that her life was in my hands, and that I had the choice of saving her, and giving her life, I know that right from the start, she belonged to the Lord. She was safely being held in His hands. Truly there is no better place to be. So we trusted in God with her life, and now we continue to do the same with this baby's life. Even though we now know all too well the painful reality of what can and does happen, we trust that God is also holding this little one in His mighty hands. We know that He is even now forming this little one in His image, and that He has a beautiful plan for this baby's life, just as He did for Caroline's life. It is not easy, but we are trusting in God's plan, and allowing Him to guide us as we go down this beautiful journey of pregnancy once again.
     Tomorrow our baby will be 17 weeks old! I am so thankful for the time that God has already given us with this sweet little one, and for allowing us the opportunity to be parents once again. I am so humbled.
     I wanted to share a very happy God given gift with all of you. Typically a pregnant mom will not start to feel those first kicks and flutters until around 16 weeks or after, with Caroline I started feeling her amazing little movements around 18 weeks. But with this little one, I think that God just knew I needed a little extra grace and reassurance. When Josh and I were down in Florida, heading into week 12, I started very clearly feeling those little tiny flutters and kicks. They were few and far in between, but they were there. I have been so thankful for the blessing of tiny baby movements! There is no greater peace of mind to a worried and anxious mommy's heart, than to feel your little one kicking away inside. I know that this is truly a God thing, because it was so early to start feeling movement. But I am just so grateful! Both Josh and I look forward to being able to feel those first movements on the outside, hopefully in the coming weeks!
    Thank you again for all of the many prayers, kind words, and support! We are just so blessed by each and every one of you. Please continue to pray for our little baby, that he or she is growing strong and healthy each and everyday. We also continue to ask for prayers for peace, and that we would be able to fully place our trust in the Lord. Our next ultrasound is on May 11, and we will be at 20 weeks. This is close to the time that we received our diagnosis for Caroline the first time. Although we have more reassurance this time, it is still going to be very scary. I know that there will be a lot of anxiety and nerves leading up to that moment. So we would greatly appreciate prayers for a good outcome, and that God would flood our hearts with His peace and His presence. Thank you from the very bottom of our hearts!
     "For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."
Romans 8:24-25
Baby's little face peeking out to say hello!
Its a little hard to see, but if you look closely you can see
the eyes, nose, forehead, and chin!

Friday, April 17, 2015

Dear Caroline, How Much You Are Loved.



     Dear Caroline,

    Happy 10 months in Heaven to my sweet little girl. As I think about the beauty and the joy that you must be experiencing in Heaven today, I just smile. I am sure you now know exactly how much we are missing here on this earth. I wish that I could picture your perfect little face, and your completely whole body, but I do not know what you look like in heaven. So I just imagine you running and playing with all of your little friends up there, singing praises and dancing in the sunlight. I just picture that day, when I will one day join you in that most beautiful place. Where there will be no more tears, and there will be no more pain or sadness or fear. I can not wait until I can scoop you up into my arms, and hold you so close. My sweet girl, there is no guarantee that your mommy will ever put you down again! But oh how my arms ache for that wonderful day, and just know that I will join you one day, when God decides it is my turn to enter into that glorious place, where we can be together forever.
     This morning I awoke at 5:15, and as I slowly watched that clock move toward the next minute, I pictured that day. The day that you were born. Your mommy and daddy knew that once it was happening, it was the right time. We could not wait to see you, to hold you, and to love on you. Even though the night was very long, and we never got a wink of sleep, it seemed like only a moment. It seemed like time stood still. Everything just felt so right when they placed your tiny, warm body into my arms. Suddenly everything around me faded, and the only thing I could see was you. I knew in that moment Caroline, that we had made the right choice, that we had given you everything that we had, and that you were the most loved little girl ever. I felt my heart grow a million sizes bigger in that moment, even though I never thought I could love you more. You were my heart, and now you were laying so peacefully in my arms. The day of your birth was absolutely beautiful, it was filled with joy, happiness, peace, and above all love. I just could not believe that you were mine, that each of those perfect little features belonged to my daughter. I never wanted to let you go. Your mommy feels so blessed Caroline, to know that you are mine. I am so proud to be your mom, and to know that I was given the gift of carrying such a special little girl.

     Those moments on the day of your birth will forever be etched into my mind, they will forever live in my heart. There is never a day that goes by when I do not wish that I could go back to that day, on June 17, and hold your 3 pound, 5 ounce body once again. I ache to feel your tiny little body in my arms, and to comb out your dark silky hair once again. I wish I could wrap my finger in yours, and kiss your soft little cheek. In so many ways, the time we had will never ever be enough. I only ever wish we had just one minute more. But I am so grateful for the time that we did have. It was such a gift. Your life was such a beautiful gift to your mommy and your daddy. Your life helped us to remember the ultimate truth, that we belong, body and soul, in life and in death, to our faithful Savior Jesus Christ. Caroline, from the moment you were first conceived, you belonged to Jesus. He knew about you, he loved you, and he created you, long before we even knew that you existed. He had a perfect plan for your life, and He knew just how many breaths you would take. As much as I know that you were ours, I was also reminded daily that you belonged to God. He loves you so much more than your mommy and daddy ever could. As much as I wish that God had plans for you here on this earth, and that I would have been given the opportunity to watch you grow up, I know that you belong to Him. I know that God had big plans for your life, and that it took you only 35 weeks to accomplish those plans, and to make your impact on the world. My prayer sweet girl, is that your story, the love that we hold for you, and the truth of God's faithfulness will be evident in my life forever. That your life will continue to impact the lives of others, even though you are no longer here with us. 

     Today is hard in so many ways. I feel like ten months without you is a very long time. It scares me to think that it is nearing one whole year already. I am so afraid for that day, which is looming closer and closer. A day that should be filled with joy and celebration. A day that should be a reminder of all the amazing milestones you have accomplished, and how much you have grown. A day that should be a celebration of your life. Yet I am scared to think of the pain and the hurt that will fill my heart that day, when I realize there is no celebration. When I wake up to find that you Caroline, my little girl, who should be a bright eyed and bouncy one year old, is not here with us. It scares me completely. I question even now, how will I ever make it through that day. As I think about ten months, and what it should mean for us, my heart just aches. It is so hard to see past all that we have missed. It is so hard to not wish that I could  go back to that Tuesday, the day of your birth, so that my memories of you could be refreshed. But as I face the reality today, just like I do each day, I know that it is not possible. I know that I must continue to put on a brave face, and pray that God provides me with a strong heart to keep moving forward. I know that today is just a day, a special day that reminds me even more of you my little princess. A day to remember your beauty, to thank God for your life, and to cherish your memory deep inside my heart. You will always be my heart little girl, and I will forever be thankful for all of the many ways that you have changed my life completely. I will never be the same because of you. It never ceases to amaze me at how such a tiny baby could make such an impact on my life. But you did Caroline Joy! You brought me closer to our Savior, and you helped me to realize the importance of never taking a moment for granted. Because of you, I celebrate each tiny blessing, and I find joy in even the smallest moments. I found the importance of taking time out each day to spend with the Lord, so much so that it has now become my highest priority. I have also learned the value in friendships, and I thank God for all of the beautiful people that He has placed in my life to encourage me, love me, and support me, even when I am really struggling. But most of all Caroline, you have taught me about the value of life, your life, and the life your little bother or sister. You have taught me that we must cherish each moment, and never take for granted that we have the ability and the choice to touch other peoples lives through our words and our actions. As I reflect today on all of the many things I have learned over the past ten months, I can not help but stand in awe at how far we have come. Caroline it has never been easy, and it probably never will, but I am thankful for the person that I have become, because of your life. 
     Today I cry tears of a broken heart once again, and I miss you more and more with each passing day. How I wish that I was holding you in my arms this morning, playing and snuggling with you. Celebrating the ten months we have shared together. Yet today through the tears, your mommy is going to celebrate you. Through the pain of my broken heart, I am going to celebrate the love that I have for you. I am going to honor all of our special memories, and take time to embrace all the joys of the day. I am going to tell your little brother or sister all about you, and make sure that both of you know just how much you are loved. I love you my precious Caroline, with all of my heart.
                                      Until we meet again....


Monday, April 6, 2015

Our Rainbow

     Josh and I are extremely excited to share some big news with everyone! Our sweet Caroline is going to be a big sister!!! We are expecting our second child, our rainbow baby. It is with very cautious hearts that we share this news with all of you, as we know the very real reality of what can and does happen. Yet we have entrusted the life of our little baby into the powerful hands of our God right from the very beginning. We know that He is holding our baby each moment, and that even now, our baby is being fearfully and wonderfully made!
     The anticipated arrival date of our baby is September 30, 2015. We have anxiously, yet excitedly, had three ultrasounds already, to get a glimpse into our baby's cozy world. We are so excited to say that as of right now, everything is looking very good! Our baby is growing healthy and strong!
     It has been really tough keeping this news a secret. But we truly feel like now is the right time to share our joyful news with everyone. We would like to ask for many prayers as we walk this new journey. We feel so incredibly blessed that God has given us another opportunity to be parents. Please pray that God fills our hearts with peace as we anxiously await the arrival of our rainbow baby. We also ask for special prayers on behalf of our precious baby, that he or she is growing healthy and strong each and every day. In addition, we have doctor appointments and ultrasounds scheduled for every two weeks. It has been a huge blessing, and it has given me so much peace of mind each time that we go for our visits. Yet it is also an anxious and scary time as well. Anytime you await test results it can be so scary, so we would like to ask for special prayers for peace and a calm heart during each of our appointments. 
     Thank you to each and every one of you who has loved us, supported us, encouraged us, and prayed for us throughout the past year. We are so incredibly thankful! It is with great excitement that we hope to continue updating you on the growth and development of our precious rainbow baby in the months to come!
     In order to more clearly describe the term "rainbow baby" I have included the picture below. I think that it does an excellent job of describing exactly what we are thinking and feeling in regards to this new, scary, and yet beyond exciting pregnancy.

12 Weeks
Second Trimester here we come!
We are so excited!
Exploring Florida with our baby!

6 Weeks
7 Weeks
9 Weeks
10 Weeks

Our first glimpse at our darling little baby!
It is so amazing at how God has perfectly formed
this tiny baby already! Just look at those tiny little arms!
9 weeks 6 days
Look at how much I have grown in just one week!
11 weeks 1 day

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made!
11 weeks 1 day

Little Arm
Baby was kicking and moving so much
during this ultrasound! It was incredible!
We were able to capture one photo of
a very busy leg/foot.

Two perfect little legs at our 14 week ultrasound!

12 weeks

14 weeks
We are so humbled and grateful that God has given us this precious gift! Our hope for the future is completely in God's hands. We are clinging to the promise from Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " Thank you Lord for your great and precious promises!

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Our Only Hope

                                              Happy Easter!

     Today we celebrate our risen Savior! Hallelujah! This year Easter held more meaning to me than ever before. I am missing Caroline more than ever. It is so hard when I think about how she was with us at this time last year. I remember my growing belly, and feeling such joy as she was moving around inside. Although we knew that she had an awful diagnosis, and that there was a very real reality that her time here on earth was going to be short, everything appeared to be fine, it just felt so right. Today I wish so badly that she was here to dress up in a beautiful spring Easter dress. I wish that we were taking pictures of her sweet little face, and watching her enjoy each moment of the day. Yet today, I found that I was filled with only praise to God! I praise Him because of the sacrifice of His Son. A sacrifice that offers us hope, promise, love, and a beautiful future!
     The ultimate sacrifice. God sent His only Son, the Son that he loved. He sent him to this earth, knowing that it was going to be a long and painful journey to the cross. Yet He willingly sent Him, for us. He gave His Son, His only Son, for me. He gave His Son for you. He gave His Son for Caroline. It was the greatest sacrifice. What a gift.
  I think of the pain that must have entered the heart of our Father, as He watched His Son being led to the cross. I think of the anguish He must have felt, as His Son was painfully nailed to that tree. I think of the sorrow He must have felt, as He knew His Son was taking His final breath. But that was not the end. Even though it seemed hopeless, devastating, and final, it was not the end. Today we celebrate the beginning, the beginning of the hope that we have because our Lord defeated death itself! He conquered the grave, and He rose from the dead. What a victory! What a glorious day! 
     Because of His sacrifice, by willingly laying down His life for us, and because He was able to defeat death by rising again, we know for sure that we can cling to the assurance of eternal life with Him forever! There is the beautiful hope that one day, we will enter the gates of heaven for eternity.
     When we said goodbye to Caroline in June, it seemed so final. As we kissed her face for the last time, and tried to etch every memory of her in our hearts and minds, it truly felt like the end. But today as we brought flowers to her grave, it hit me that it is not the end. It is not the last time we will see her. We may never hold her earthly body in our arms again. We may never watch her grow up here in our home, but we will see her again. I will hold my daughter in my arms once again! One day, I will be able to dance with her in heaven. One day I will be able to hug her tightly, and never let her go. I look forward to that day with all of my heart, and I cannot wait for that joyful celebration in heaven!
     My daughter is alive, truly alive through Christ today and forever! What a beautiful promise. What an amazing reality. I know that my sweet little girl is experiencing what it means to be fully alive in heaven, because of the sacrifice of our Lord. Today Caroline is celebrating Easter in the loving presence of Jesus.
     Today we celebrate our risen Savior, and we celebrate the promise of the hope to come! Throughout the day this verse has replayed over and over in my head, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” This is such an incredible promise for all of us who have walked down a painful journey. We all know that there is so much sin, pain, heartbreak, and fear in this world. It is impossible to avoid. Sometimes the truth is that life just stinks. But today and everyday, we can praise God for the hope and the promise that comes through the resurrection. Although we must walk through this life knowing that there is sin and pain in the world. And although sometimes it seems like more than we can ever bear, we have the promise of a day when tears, mourning, pain, and especially death will be completely gone. They will be no more. We will instead be standing face to face with our Lord, and praising and worshiping Him forever!
     Although so often it feels like death has the final word, and that there is no end to the pain and suffering we are experiencing each day on this earth, we have the promise of being alive forever through Christ. I know that I will see my precious Caroline again in heaven one day!
     Thank you Lord for your immeasurably great sacrifice. Thank you for your amazing love for me, and for Caroline. Thank you for the hope that we have only through you. Thank you for the promise of eternal life in heaven. Hallelujah! He is Risen!

 Come as you are

 There’s hope for the hopeless
And all those who’ve strayed
Come sit at the table
Come taste the grace
There’s rest for the weary
Rest that endures
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t cure

So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are
Come as you are
Fall in his arms
Come as you are
There’s joy for the morning
Oh sinner be still
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal

                                       Happy Easter in heaven to our precious little girl.
Easter Lily given in loving memory
 of Caroline Joy Mulder. Forever in our hearts,
always on our mind. Until we meet again sweet girl...