I just had to share this beautiful story with you tonight...
I was taking a walk tonight around the neighborhood. It was a perfect summer evening. Not too hot or not too cold. The breeze blew softly around me as I walked. But I was lonely, oh so lonely. I cannot even tell you how many times I dreamed about taking my baby for a walk. In fact, the very first thing that I wanted to register for was a stroller. I could not wait to push my baby in a stroller.
But tonight, and every night, I must walk alone.
Tonight as I was walking, it hit me so hard that she is not here with me. I do not get to push Caroline in a stroller. She would have loved going for walks. When I was pregnant I knew she LOVED being outside. We went outside every day together, and she always knew when we were out there. I would feel her start to kick, and move and wiggle. Often I would sit outside on our deck and just watch as my stomach moved up and down in response to her kicks and wiggles! I would talk to her about everything I could see and feel and hear as we were sitting there. And I know that Caroline would have loved going on walks with me.
While walking tonight I started to let myself dream, and to go into the land of "what ifs". I started dreaming about what it would be like to have her with me at that moment. What would she be doing on our walk? Smiling? Laughing? Watching wide eyed? Sleeping? However, allowing myself to dream, and to ask "what if,"only brought pain to my heart, and tears to my eyes. But just as the tears began to fall, something amazing happened.
Out of the corner of my tear filled eye, I saw something flutter. There right next to me was a beautiful butterfly. It flew right around my head, and then floated right next to me as I continued to walk forward. That little butterfly continued to fly right along side of me until the tears were wiped away, and a smile came to my lips. The pain in my heart faded, and was replaced with joy. And then, the butterfly was gone. It flew away. But the pain and tears were gone, the butterfly only left me with happy thoughts and beautiful memories.
I truly believe that God sent me that butterfly tonight. He knew how much I was missing my baby. He knew how much pain was in my heart. At my weakest moment, God sent a butterfly to remind me of Caroline. I know that she was there with me on that walk tonight. I may not have been pushing her in a stroller, but she was right there beside me. She was enjoying the beautiful evening along with me. Caroline's butterfly reminded me that I am not alone. My precious little girl is always here with me in my heart. She will always be my heart.
Tonight also reminded me of God's promise that he will never leave us. When I was walking alone, he sent a butterfly to turn my pain into joy. That butterfly continued to fly right next to me for over three minutes as I walked. Never has a butterfly stuck around by me for so long! I am so thankful for that sign tonight, which reminded me that Caroline is still so very close to me.