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Monday, March 14, 2016

Called. Scared. Open.

     Have you ever had that moment, when you felt God calling you to do something that made you very uncomfortable? I am sure you have experienced it. That moment when your heart races, and you cannot take it off your mind. You know what you should do, what you have to do, and yet somehow we make it seem as though it is still a choice. We play it over and over in  our mind, thinking through every possible scenario. It is usually the worst case scenario. Because that is the easiest solution when we are scared and unsure.
     Ever since we have walked down this journey of losing Caroline, I have been faced with many opportunities where I felt God calling me to be a witness for Him. It has become a much more familiar and comfortable feeling over time. I believe that when you open up your heart, and allow God to begin to work through your pain and your hurt, He is able to use it for good. I have been so blessed to be given opportunities to share Caroline's story, and to share about God's faithfulness. It has never been easy, and usually I am filled with fear, hesitation, and self doubt. But the beauty of responding to God's call, is that He gives you exactly what you need in that very moment. He doesn't call us and then leave us hanging. He calls us and also equips us to serve Him. Even when we feel inadequate, or unworthy.
     Tomorrow I have the opportunity to speak at a college, and to share Caroline's story with students who are close to graduation. I am not going to lie, I am really nervous. I am not a speaker, nor do I feel confident in myself. I am filled with so many insecurities and doubts. Yet I am so incredibly excited for this opportunity. I feel so grateful to be able to honor the life of my daughter by sharing her miraculous story. It is truly an answer to my prayers each day, that I will be able to share her life, and use her story to touch others. As her mommy, I am so proud to be able to talk about her, and to point others to the God who has never left our side. I know that it is what Caroline would want, and I also know that God has given me this opportunity for a reason. Despite my fears and insecurities, I am trusting that He will use me to lead others to Him.
     I have realized over the course of the past three years, that the more I trust in God in my weakness, the stronger I become. What may have been overwhelming and scary at one time, is now not quite so difficult. The more I put my trust in Him, and listen for His call, the more I realize this important truth, God does not call us to do something that He does not give us the power and help to accomplish. So even though I am extremely anxious and worried about tomorrow, and I am fearful at how it will all go, I find myself falling to my knees, asking for help from the One who calls. The One who called me. The One who commands us, all of us, to go out and witness for Him. I trust that through me, the Lord will speak His Truths. I trust that He will give me the words to share. I trust that He will give me the strength and confidence that I need.
     I want to ask you today, what is it that God is calling you to do? Is there something that He has laid on your heart, that constantly fills your mind? Is there something that makes you uneasy or where you feel unworthy? Have you allowed yourself to be open to the possibility that God is calling you to reach out for Him? We are called to share His love, and to spread the Good News of His saving grace with those around us. What does that look like for you? I challenge you to think about that today and through this week. Allow yourself to be open to the Lord's leading. It can be scary to be open, because you never know what He will call you to do. Never in my life would I expect to be given this opportunity for a second time, to speak to a large group of people. Yet here I am. Ready and open to the Lord's leading, but oh so nervous and scared! I am standing humbled and amazed at how He works through my life, and praying that He will speak through me. Not my words Lord, but Yours.

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."                                   2 Corinthians 9:8