It is with the greatest joy in our hearts, that we announce the precious gift of a new life that is promised to our family in this coming year. We are filled with gratitude to our Heavenly Father, for blessing us with a new hope! Lord willing, our 3rd baby will make an entrance into the world at the end of March.
This pregnancy has been a precious gift, right from the very start. After waiting patiently, and sometimes impatiently, we were beyond excited to discover a positive pregnancy test in May. Unfortunately, with great sadness and broken hearts, we said good bye only a few days later. Although it was very early in the pregnancy, and we had little time to even process the reality of what it was going to mean for our family, it still hurt. The following weeks were really hard, as I worked through the bitterness and disappointment of that loss. The reality of what I had always taken for granted (the sureness of a positive pregnancy test) was now called into question. I doubted myself, and the ability of my body to be able to carry another pregnancy. It took time, but the healing came. Thanks to my Heavenly Father. I am so thankful that He did not leave my side during those tough days. He gave me strength, when I did not want to be strong. He gave me will power, to continue to be present for my family. He gave me tears, when I just needed to cry and be sad. He gave me peace, as I put away the "big brother" t-shirt that I had bought for Noah. He gave me restored hope, when I just wanted to give up.
In the wake of that early loss, I initially gave up the hope of having another pregnancy. It felt so out of my reach. Instead, I prayed that God would help me to put my focus on Him. I found that slowly, I was able to give up the desperate desire to be pregnant again, and to just enjoy the little moments. My heart soaked up those moments, and it was so healing. God taught me so much during that time. I walked through it with much more understanding (for those who have had to say good bye too early), much more gratitude (for the true gift that it is to be able to carry a full term pregnancy), and with a content heart for exactly where God had placed me at that time.
It was with much excitement and incredible joy that I once again discovered a positive pregnancy test a couple of months later. I was so scared to let my heart get attached. This time around, I did not allow myself to hope too much right away, I was scared of disappointment once again. Yet, I did begin to pray, immediately, I fell to my knees in prayer for the glimmer of hope that may be the promise of new life.
5 days later, 5 pregnancy tests later, I finally allowed myself to believe it may be real. As a family, we rejoiced! I had blood tests, and everything looked great. I praised the Lord with such a grateful heart. I had an ultrasound, at just over 6 weeks, and I saw that perfect, strong heartbeat. There was a baby in there, and it was so tiny, but it was real, and it was living, and it was beautiful, and it brought me to tears. My heart was so full of thanks. How do I deserve such a great gift?
This pregnancy has been far from easy. In fact, I took for granted just how amazing my first two pregnancies had been. During the first 21 weeks, I suffered from extreme nausea, vomiting, and just plain exhaustion that left me laying on the floor whenever I was at home. Keeping up with a two year old was really tough! There were times I was just so miserable, that I would lay on the floor in tears, wondering if I would ever feel "normal" again. It gave me such a new insight into my body, and just how amazing it truly is, to be able to continue to try and "function", all the while being so incredibly weak that just taking a few steps felt like running a marathon. I am so thankful that God gave me the strength to get through those days, to continue working, to continue caring for my family, and to try and still enjoy the final weeks of summer with my favorite little boy.
I am now feeling much much better, compared to those first 21 weeks, as I now have more energy, and can finally eat once again! Wow, you never realize how great it is to be able to eat real food! But this pregnancy is certainly stretching me in ways I never thought possible. My body is certainly not tolerating this pregnancy as well as the first two. But amidst all the body aches, migraines, occasional nausea, and exhaustion, I have never felt more grateful. I love this sweet growing baby more than I ever thought possible. I savor every single kick, and move, and flutter that I am so blessed to feel. I thank God that this little baby is so incredibly active, as it brings so much peace to my heart. God's grace to me through this pregnancy has been such a blessing, as there have been so many reassurances of a healthy and active growing baby. There was a few moments that I never thought that another pregnancy was going to be possible, so I am trying hard to just enjoy each and every moment, with a grateful heart. We are so thankful that so far, our precious baby is growing healthy and strong. Each day, I pray that God will continue to hold and mold this sweet child in His hands.
Today we celebrate 27 weeks! We have almost reached the third trimester, and I cannot believe how fast the time is going. Noah is so excited to be a big brother, although I do not think he fully understands what is coming in a few months. But I do know that he is going to be such a great big brother. I also know that our sweet Caroline is watching over this new little one as well. We are so looking forward to the next few months, of planning and preparing for this little one to arrive into our arms. There are so many prayers being said over this little one already, and we know that he or she is even now, being fearfully and wonderfully formed by our Creator.
Our hearts are so full! Even in the midst of darkness, pain, and loss, God has walked beside us. Our journey to becoming parents, having a family, has been far from easy. It has been so much more difficult than I ever could have imagined. My eyes have been opened to a world filled with hopeful hearts, eager anticipation, long and painful waiting, disappointing negatives, devastating loss, heartbreaking diagnosis, and tearful goodbyes. This is a journey that I wish no mother should ever have to walk. But I do know, that God does have a plan. Even in the darkest moments, when you wonder what that plan could ever be. Even in the moments where you wonder if it will ever happen for you. Even in the moments where you could scream so loud it hurts, because you do not want to say that good bye, or accept that reality. Even in the never ending tears. Even in the numbness. Even in the broken moments, when hope feels completely and utterly out of your reach. God Is There. God still loves you. God Is Holding YOU. Do not ever forget that. Cling to Him, even when it feels beyond your grasp. Because He will NEVER let go of YOU, His precious child.