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Friday, December 18, 2015

Loved.

Dear Caroline,
     Today is the day that you would have been a year and a half. 18 months since I last held you in my arms, stared at your beautiful face, and wrapped my finger in your tiny palm. 18 months since we said hello, and goodbye, in nearly the same breath. Oh how that special day lives in your mommy's heart. A day that still stands out so vividly in my mind. It was a day filled with such love, joy, heartbreak, and loss. We knew in our hearts how much we had lost, and yet we rejoiced in all we had been given. That early June morning, we were given the most amazing gift, the cherished moments of meeting our long awaited, much loved baby. Your mommy still remembers whispering into your little ear, as your warm body filled my arms. I remember kissing your soft cheeks. It was a perfect moment, one I had waited for, hoped for, prayed for.
     This morning it hit me, as I sat wide awake in the darkness, that you would be a whole year and a half old today. What that means is very hazy in my mind. You see my sweet girl, you will forever be my baby. That tiny little bundle wrapped so lovingly in your blanket. I cannot picture you running around the Christmas tree, singing and dancing as the lights sparkle in your eyes. I cannot picture you on Christmas morning, unwrapping your gifts with chubby little fingers. I cannot picture you being swept up for a giant welcome hug when your daddy gets home from work. But I do wonder, I wonder every single day. Would you have bright blue eyes like your little brother?  Would your hair still be so dark and curly? Would you love reading books, or dancing around?  Would you have a sweet little smile, that touched everyone you would meet?  My precious girl, your mommy wonders just what you would be like right now, as a one and a half year old. I wish I knew, I wish I could picture it in my head, and feel it in my heart. But instead, I found myself clinging to the hope, to the promise, that you are experiencing life to the fullest right now. My baby, you are no longer in pain, and you know nothing of suffering. You have been made whole, and perfect in the arms of our Savior. You are dancing with your friends, in the beauty of Heaven. You are experiencing love, true and real love, from the very author of love.
As your mommy, I wish that I could care for all of your earthly needs. It is a instinct that will never go away. I wish that I could shower you with kisses each morning, comb through your beautiful hair, dress you the most adorable dresses, and read to you ten books before I tuck you into bed. I wish I could hold you when you cry, and soothe away any anxious fears. I wish I could teach you everything I know, and help you to learn new things everyday. I wish I watch you grow up, and see you become a woman of God.  I wish I could have experienced each and every milestone with you throughout the past year and a half.
But as your mommy thought about you this morning,  I realized my tears were not as painful. My heart hurt just a little less. Slowly God had been healing your mommy. He is restoring hope, and light, back into my heart. It feels right to be sad, and especially to miss you. Because my sweet girl, your mommy will forever miss you. I will always have a missing piece of my heart. Yet I know that it is getting easier, one day, one step at a time. God has led me through the last 18 months, and He has helped me walk through each step of grief. Now I can say that I have a genuine smile on my face, because of you. I enjoy each moment of this precious life, because of you. I hold everyone I love a little tighter, because of you. I am a better parent to your brother, because of you. I have a trust and a deeper, more real,relationship with the Lord, because of you. I am different now, in so many ways,  because of you.  Thank you my sweet girl, for teaching me so much. Even today, 18 months after I said goodbye,  you are still teaching me. You are still helping me, and showing me what it means to live life to the fullest. To embrace every moment, and to stand close to the God who never leaves my side.
You are always in my heart, and forever on my mind. I love you so much beautiful girl. Happy 18 months in Heaven. You mommy misses you so deeply, and longs for the day we will be together once again.
I love you my precious Caroline Joy,
Until we meet again,

Mommy



"Our Christian hope is that we're going to love with Christ in a new earth, where there is not only no more death, but where life is what it was always meant to be."
                                                                                                                               -Timothy Keller

"Listen, I tell you a mystery: we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed- in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed."         1  Corinthians 15:51-52          

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Our Rainbow, Our Gift

It is almost time to meet
our little Noah!



     It is with the greatest joy that we announce the arrival of our rainbow baby, William Noah Mulder! Our hearts are completely full. He has already brought so much joy and healing into our hearts! Noah was born at exactly 5pm on Monday, September 21. We welcomed him into our world with tears, smiles, laughter, and so much love. He weighed 6 lbs. 2 oz. 19.5 inches long. We are so in love!

Every good and perfect GIFT is from above, coming down from the Father.
                                                                                     James 1:17






A rainbow baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravage of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides the counterbalance of color, energy, and hope.







   
     We are so incredibly thankful for the precious gift that God has given to us. There is not a moment that goes by where I do not stop and ask myself if this is real. I just cannot believe that he is ours, and that we have the blessing and the joy of being able to raise this sweet little boy! We are so blessed!
     I cannot say thank you enough to each and every person who has been praying for us along our journey. We have felt such amazing love and support each step of the way. It has been a difficult journey, and we have not always felt strong or brave. Yet we are so thankful for the love of family and friends, the constant prayers, and above all, the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father. It is only through His strength that we continue to walk one day at a time, one step at a time. As we now walk down a new path, and begin this exciting adventure, we do so with eager and hopeful hearts. We know that God is holding our hands, and guarding our hearts. We continue to take each step forward, trusting in His mighty plan.
     We are so excited to introduce you to our little rainbow baby, Noah! He is already so loved, and so spoiled! We are enjoying each and every moment of being his parents, and we look forward to all the fun that is yet to come.
     We know that his big sister Caroline is watching down over him from Heaven. We can just picture her beautiful smile as we tell her little brother all about her life. She is the best big sister!

     I am sorry that I have been so bad about updating on the blog recently. As we approached Noah's due date life got really busy! But I will continue to post on the blog, so stay tuned! Thank you for taking the time to share in our life! We are truly thankful for each and every one of you.
    

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Noah News- 34 Weeks


34 Weeks
He didn't want to turn his head for us!
Our first glimpse of some hair growing on his little head! 
Cannot wait to see if he has dark hair like his big sister!


     Hello Everyone!
      I apologize for taking such a long time to post an update. Our life has been so busy the last few months. We moved into a new place after selling our house back in June, so we have been busy with moving and settling into a new house. We have also been busy with preparing ourselves for the coming arrival of our sweet little Noah! On top of that, we have been trying to enjoy the beautiful summer that God has given to us! It is amazing at how quickly the time just flies by. I cannot believe that it is almost time to flip the calendar to September already. Where did the summer go? I hope that each and every one of you had a blessed summer! We still have a few more weeks left to enjoy, and hopefully a nice warm and sunny fall!
     I thought that it would be a great time to update everyone on how everything is going with my pregnancy. We are so excited to announce that Noah is still growing healthy and strong with each passing day! It brings such joy to my heart to be able to share that news with everyone. I am so incredibly thankful! Noah is going to be 35 weeks old this coming Wednesday, which also happens to be my birthday! I cannot believe that our little boy is already going to be 35 weeks old, he is going to be here before we know it.
     We had an ultrasound to check on how Noah is growing last Monday, and everything is still looking great. Noah measured about 4 lbs 4 oz. at the ultrasound, and had a very strong heartbeat! I just love hearing that sound! We did notice that he is in the breech position right now, which may pose complications to the possibility of having a VBAC. So we are going to be watching his position closely in the next weeks to see if he has moved at all. My hope is that he will turn so we can still attempt a VBAC, but our ultimate goal is to have Noah born safe and healthy into our arms. So we will choose whatever is best for him. But I am praying that his little body decides to turn in the next couple of weeks, so that we can attempt to birth him naturally. 
     One of the most amazing parts of the ultrasound was when the tech showed us the hair growing on his little head. It is so incredible that an ultrasound can pick that up. But we could clearly see the hair, and now it makes me so excited to find out what he looks like! I cannot wait to see if he has a head full of dark hair just like his big sister Caroline.
     In the past few weeks I have been so blessed with baby showers, to celebrate little Noah! My heart is so full when I think about all of the love and support that is shown to us by so many wonderful people. When I first thought about having a baby shower, it truly scared me. It scared me to prepare and get excited for the arrival of a baby, when there are no guarantees. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to come home to a fully prepared nursery, without a baby in my arms. Yet when I think of this active growing boy inside of me, I realize that he deserves this. I know that as his mom, I want to give him the very best of myself always, and he deserves to have everyone celebrate his precious life! So although it has taken time, and an adjustment in thinking for me, I have felt my heart fill with so much hope as we plan and prepare our house for his arrival! Being able to have a baby shower is such a gift. One that I would have taken for granted before. But now I realize, fully and completely, just how special and wonderful it is to be able to celebrate new life! Here are some pictures of our fun celebrations!














     As we quickly approach the date of Noah's birth, I realize just how much I need to continue to embrace this pregnancy. It is really easy to get caught up in all the preparations for his birth. But I love being pregnant! I love feeling my active little boy moving around all the time! It is the greatest feeling ever! I absolutely love the thought that Noah comes everywhere with me. He is always so close, safe and warm, to my heart. Each time I feel his precious body move, I thank God for the gift of his life. I love spending time each day reading to him, singing to him, and telling him all about the activities of my day. I am trying my best to cherish each and every moment that I have with him so close. One of my favorite things to do each evening, as it starts getting dark outside, is to sit in the glider in Noah's nursery, and read children's books. I imagine my sweet little Caroline looking down from heaven, and my active little Noah listening attentively as I read them stories. It just feels right, and my heart feel full. Both of my babies enjoying quiet time with me at night, moments I will forever cherish. 
     I am also so incredibly excited about meeting this little guy. I am anxiously awaiting the moment when he decides that it is time to make his big entrance into the world! I cannot wait to hold him in my arms, kiss his precious face, and touch every part of his perfect little body. That day is coming so quickly. It truly could come at any moment. Although we are hoping that little Noah decides to continue growing for at least a few more weeks though.
     A huge thank you to everyone who continues to show us such love and support. This road has been far from easy, and filled with so many ups and downs. But we are so thankful for our faithful God, and the wonderful people who continue to surround us in so many prayers. We can truly feel the love and prayers each and every day. Thank you for your thoughts, well wishes, and questions of concern. It all means so much to us! We are so grateful. 
I look forward to sharing more news of our growing little rainbow baby soon!
     Here are a few pictures of my growing belly from the past few weeks! 
  

26 Weeks
26 Weeks
27 Weeks
29 Weeks

30 Weeks


32 Weeks
34 Weeks

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Our Gift


     What an incredible gift! This week, I have felt my heart fill once again with deep gratitude. As we enter into our 29th week of this amazing pregnancy, I feel like I need to pinch myself, over and over again. Is this really happening? Are we truly entering into the third and final trimester? Is it really possible that in less than 10 weeks, I could be holding my son in my arms? Can I really keep him, and take him home? It all seems way to good to be true. It seems so close, and yet so far beyond my reach. I want it so badly, I am hoping for it with everything that I have. It is so close I can almost feel him in my arms. And yet I just cannot wrap my arms around it.
     I know I have written this before, but I have always wanted to be a mom. I have dreamed about being a mom since I was a little girl. I would play "house" with my sisters and friends all the time, always with a pretend baby in my arms. Growing up it was always my greatest desire, to have my own children. I just knew that I was going to be a mom someday! When we found out in November of 2013 that we were pregnant with our first child, everything seemed right. I was finally going to become a mom! For those of you who have followed our story, and who know about the journey we have walked since that day, you know that we were not able to take our beloved daughter home. (if you haven't taken the time to read our story please feel free to go back to the posts from the winter of 2014 to read about our precious miracle baby Caroline Joy). Ever since that Tuesday morning in June, being a mom felt so far beyond my reach. I did become a mom that day, the moment I held her tiny body in my arms. I was her mom. I know that I will always be Caroline's mom, and it is such a beautiful gift that I will cherish forever. I am so proud to be her mommy! Yet being a mom to a baby in Heaven is so much different than being a mom to a baby here on earth. All last summer (and every day since), I not only grieved the loss of my precious girl, but I grieved the loss of all those motherly instincts. I wanted desperately, felt every urge and need, to care for my daughter, physically, mentally, and emotionally. But there was nothing that I could do. There was no crying baby who needed her mommy to pick her up and soothe her tears. There was no sleepy smiles to enjoy, no diapers to be changed, and no milk to be fed. It was just me. Only me. I still to this very day, have every desire and need to care for my daughter, those instincts do not disappear. But I have slowly learned over time, that there are other ways that I can fulfill those needs. By honoring my daughter's life, talking about her, sharing her story, donating baby blankets to hospitals, and reaching out to others who are also experiencing the loss of a baby, have all been very healing ways of working through the grief and pain of not being able to mother my daughter here on earth. I am so thankful for all of the ways that these ministries have blessed my life! I truly feel like honoring Caroline's name, and sharing her story, is my calling as her mom. I am so proud to be able to talk about her, to be able to share her life with others, and to be able to bless others because of her life. All of these things have given me a purpose once again, a reason to continue moving forward.
     As I sit here typing these words, I am feeling my sweet little boy kicking and squirming inside. It is the most amazing and wonderful feeling in the whole world! I am reminded once again that I have a sweet, healthy, strong, and rapidly growing little boy inside. What a precious gift! I just stand completely amazed at how I can be the mom to two amazing little babies. I have a beautiful daughter and a sweet son, who have made me into the person that I am today. I am so blessed! There are no words that can adequately express the gratitude that I feel in my heart. This is never how I dreamed that our story would play out, and I would give anything to be able to have Caroline here in my arms today. But I can say with every ounce of my being, that I am so thankful for the precious gifts that God has placed into my life.
     As I anticipate the big date of Noah's arrival in the months to come, it seems so completely surreal. My body and my mind are completely in preparation mode. I have been reading, researching, and planning for bringing him into our home, and having him become a part of our life. Yet my heart is having a very difficult time processing this reality. In so many ways it feels way to good to be true. I do not know what I have ever done to deserve such a gift? I feel so unworthy. Do I really get to take him home? Will I be able to take care of him, like my motherly instincts require? Can I snuggle him, hold him, sing to him, play with him, teach him,  and watch him grow? Will I truly be able to be his mother here on earth? It just seems way too good to be true. So far from my reach.
     Every inch of my heart screams "no", do not let yourself hope, do not prepare, do not get excited. It is a daily struggle. Yet the love that I have for this precious little baby extends far beyond any fears and worries that threaten to hold me back. Even from the first moment when I found out that we were expecting Noah, way back in January, I cherished the gift. I felt so unworthy of being given another chance at becoming a mother. Why would God choose me, why would he allow me to be given the gift of carrying the life of another precious child? Yet even though I felt so undeserving, it led me to be even more grateful. I would fall to my knees daily, in thanks to our God, who had given me the desire of my heart. He chose me to carry this little boy for a reason, and I will live each and every day working hard to be the very best mom that I can be to him. I am grateful beyond words that God has given me this opportunity to be pregnant, to carry this little baby, and to hopefully take him home to love forever. After going through such a great loss, I know that I will never ever take these gifts for granted again. I have and will continue to cherish each and every moment of being pregnant, of being a mom, because it truly is a gift. I am going to live a life of gratitude and thankfulness, praising God for all of His blessings. I am going to love even more deeply, and treasure both of my precious babies forever.
     As the weeks continue to move forward, I am praying for clarity, and that reality will begin to sink in. I am praying that I will begin to allow my heart to wrap around the reality that I may just be able to bring this little guy home. I want so desperately to allow myself to hope, but I know that there are still no guarantees, and that fear continues to hold a strong grip on my heart. But I have slowly been taking steps in the right direction. I am clinging to the hope, the excitement, and the anticipation that continues to grow as the weeks progress. I love the thought of snuggling with this little guy, and seeing what he will look like. I love thinking about bringing him home, and being able to watch him grow. I can just picture Josh holding his tiny perfect body as he sleeps, and me playing with his wiggly body on the floor. I love the thought of us taking him for walks in the stroller, and staying up late into the night just watching him sleep. I am so in love with our precious little Noah already, and because of how much I love him, I just know that I am going to allow myself to continue hoping, to continue growing more and more excited, and to allow myself to dream about the future. Because love is so incredibly powerful. I am so thankful for that love, and that my friends, is truly a great gift from our Heavenly Father.
     Thank you Lord for your precious gifts to us!


I found this quote online and found it really encouraging and helpful.
God truly is faithful, and we can cling to that promise, even when the future
is scary and unclear. When there is uncertainty lurking in the road ahead, we can trust
that our God who has always been faithful, with never let us down.  He will make all things clear
in His perfect time. It is never easy to trust, especially when you have felt heartbreak and pain,
but when we step back and look at all of God's blessings in our lives,we will be able to see His
goodness, graciousness, love, and control in every aspect of our lives.

    


     Here is a little update on our sweet little boy! We had an ultrasound last week to see how everything is progressing. Noah was such a happy little guy in there! He was moving and kicking and squirming around, and he has certainly grown bigger since our last appointment. Last week he weighed 2 pounds, 8 oz. Everything is looking perfect! We were able to see all of his body parts, organs, and even a very well formed spine. The most amazing part is his chubby little cheeks! I am so in love with our little Noah! I cannot wait to hold him in my arms, memorize every perfect detail, and kiss those chubby cheeks. We are praising God for His good and perfect gift to us!

Here is a picture of his little face. Can you see his cubby cheeks?

Look at that perfect foot! I just love feeling those feet kick me often!

If you look closely, you can see his arm and hand in this picture.
He loves to have his hands by his face.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Noah News



     It is about time for another post about our little Noah! We are so excited to share that everything is still going very well with this pregnancy. Noah seems to be growing bigger and stronger each day! He is a very active little boy, and most of my evenings are spent watching his little kicks and moves. I could just sit for hours talking to him, reading to him, and just watching him move. I continue to be so incredibly thankful for the peace of mind that comes from each movement. I never thought that one tiny little kick could bring so much comfort to my anxious heart.
     Today Noah is officially 26 weeks old! According to my pregnancy app, he is about the size of a head of lettuce, or a butternut squash. It is amazing that we are so close to leaving behind the second trimester already. The time is just flying by! As much as I cannot wait to hold this precious little guy in my arms, I do hope that the remainder of the pregnancy does not go by too fast. I love each minute of the bonding that we share together. There is nothing quite like the gift of knowing your little one is growing inside of you. I cherish this opportunity, and am soaking up every ache and pain that comes along with it! I have loved being pregnant with both of my babies!
     There is still much anxiety and worry that comes along with each moment. As I fall more and more in love with Noah, I also worry more and more about his health, growth, and safety. I just want him to be healthy and happy in my arms when September comes around. It is scary at how you do everything that you can to eat healthy, to exercise, and to follow all of the healthy pregnancy rules, but yet so much is out of my control. This is exactly what God is teaching me in each moment. He is teaching me about full and complete trust. When everything is far beyond my control, I have learned that I need to fall into His faithful arms over and over again. It is a daily, and often a moment by moment, choice to put the most important things in your life into the hands of God. But I know that He has been faithful to us, and that He will continue to be faithful. I know that there is no greater, or more powerful hands than the hands of our Lord! He is gently and amazingly forming the body of my sweet little boy.
     We have our next ultrasound and doctor appointment scheduled for July 7. That appointment is rapidly approaching! I am looking forward to seeing how much Noah has grown, and I hope that he cooperates so we can see each and every body part. We are also anticipating the upcoming classes that we will be attending to help us prepare for Noah's birth and arrival into the world. It was tough to register for these classes, knowing that I did the same when I was pregnant with Caroline, and then had to make the very difficult call to cancel our registration. Yet I know that Noah deserves the very best from us, and I want us to be prepared and ready to take the very best care of him when he arrives. I know that the months of July and August are going to be very busy!
     This past weekend we finally made our big move. It has been an extremely emotional couple of weeks, and I am just so ready for life to settle down a little bit. We are working on getting our new house all set up, and finishing up with cleaning and packing at the old house. There have been many big changes and adjustments in the past month, and so we ask for continued prayer for peace, and for a calm heart in the days to come.
     Thank you so much for all of the continued thoughts and prayers. We are so blessed with all the love and support that has been showered upon us. Thank you for taking the time to think of us, and to lift us up to the Lord in prayer. I love being able to continue writing in my blog, and sharing the joys and the sorrows with all of you. I am so grateful that you continue to read and follow our story!  
 
 
Here are a few updated pictures. I apologize that they are not the greatest pictures, I fail miserable at taking selfies! But I love being able to watch my belly grow each week! 

 


24 Weeks
24 Weeks
24 Weeks




 






25 Weeks
25 Weeks
25 Weeks


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Happy 1st Birthday Caroline Joy



        Happy 1st Birthday Caroline Joy!
We love you!
 
 
 
     Dear Caroline,
 
Happy Birthday sweet girl! I miss you and I love you more than you will ever know. My heart was broken today, as I thought about celebrating your birthday without you here. Yet this morning, as I watched the clock move to 5:16, the moment you entered into this world, I remembered every detail. I watched the flame burn brightly on your pink candle, and I remembered. Every detail of your beautiful birth. Every detail of your precious body. Every detail of the moments we shared together. They were all so vividly clear. My dear Caroline, I am so thankful for those memories, and for those moments that we shared. They hold me together, and they fill my heart with joy. Despite the pain of missing you, and the ache of empty arms, I felt joy in my heart today.
    The truth Caroline, is that tonight, I am just feeling sad. I miss you so much it hurts. It is so hard to describe all of the feelings that have filled my heart. Yet despite the pain, and the tears, I want to focus on the good things! The day was filled with so much love and support, and it truly helped me to realize how blessed we truly are. There are so many people who remembered you today, who spoke your name to me (through written words), who shared your story with others (on social media and just by talking about you), and who celebrated your birthday. I cannot even begin to say how much that means to your mommy. Each time I saw someone share your name, or remind me that they are praying for us, it filled my eyes with tears. I never want you to be forgotten sweet girl, and today it showed how many people you have touched throughout the past year. How many amazing and wonderful people remembered your birthday today, and helped us to celebrate and remember in such special ways. The day was also filled with small blessings, tiny reminders of you. Little moments that filled my heart with joy, as I think about the wonderful party I am sure you were having in Heaven. I read a book this morning, and this page stood out to me. It says... "Mommy, please don't cry...we have lots of parties here, with streamers and hats and the best chocolate cake ever! I can just picture the celebration that you are having in Heaven today, bigger than any party I could ever give you.  


      Your daddy and I wanted to make you a special cake. We shared it on your table at the birthday celebration we had on Saturday. But today, we lit a candle for you and sang Happy Birthday, because every little girl deserves a birthday cake on her birthday. We wish that we could watch you eat it, and get the pink frosting all over your face! We wish that you were here to listen to us sing to you, and to see your eyes light up when we helped you blow out the candle. We wish that you could taste that frosting, and we could snap pictures of you enjoying your cake. Oh how we wish all of those things for you.


       As I sat on the back porch, missing you, I was greeted by the warmth of a smile, and a beautiful vase of flowers. The kindness of amazing friends. I am so thankful for the joy that those flowers brought to my heart. Each tiny petal is a reminder to me of God's faithfulness. He has made each and every flower so delicate, unique, and pretty. No two flowers are exactly alike. Our God takes care of each and every flower, and helps them grow from tiny seeds. Caroline, God loves you so much! Although I do not need to tell you that. You already know how much God loves you. You know how much God loves you, even more than I will ever be able to comprehend. Because you are experiencing real love, as you sit in the presence of Jesus. It is so much more than I could ever ask for you my precious daughter. As much as I want you here with me, I feel such peace in my heart. I know that your body is now perfect, and that there is no hurt, no tears, and no sadness in Heaven. This morning I listened to the song I Can Only Imagine. As I reflected on the words to that song, I realized that although I can only imagine what it must be like in Heaven, you already know. You know! You know what it is like to be there, dancing in the Presence of Jesus. You know!
     Today has been really tough sweet girl, and your mommy is so thankful for the strength of your Daddy. He has kept me going, encouraged me to laugh and smile, and helped me remember all of the precious memories. He has stood beside me the whole day, when I would have fallen apart on my own. You have an amazing Dad Caroline! I know that he is one of God's greatest blessings in my life. I am so thankful for all of the little blessings and reminders that God placed in my path today.
    


     Happy 1st Birthday to our sweet little girl! We love you so much Caroline Joy! You are so missed, but you will never ever be forgotten. You will always hold a very special place in our hearts. We are so thankful that God choose us to be your parents. You are such a gift to us! We love you,
     Until we meet again...
    
   Mommy and Daddy







I can only imagine
what it would be like
When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine,
What my eyes would see,
When your face, is before me
I can only imagine, I can only imagine
To be surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or In awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
To my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine, yeah, I can only imagine
I can only imagine, when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Sun
I can only imagine,when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine, I can only imagine
Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or In awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
To my knees Will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine, I can only imagine
 surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or In awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
To my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine, I can only imagine





Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Noah News

 
       I wanted to share a post with some Noah news! We have reached 24 weeks today! This is a huge milestone, and we are so thankful for each week that we
are given with him. It has been such a huge blessing to be feeling such an active little boy! He has been squirming and kicking often! Both Josh and I have been able to feel him, and watch him as he moves around in his tiny little home. Those active movements and kicks have brought such joy to my heart, and such incredible peace to my mind. It never ceases to amaze me at how much love I have for this little boy already. I spend countless hours dreaming about him, and wondering what he is going to look like when he is born. Will he look like his daddy, his mommy, both of us? Will he look like his big sister?
     I am loving each and every moment of being pregnant. I know that I will never again take this amazing gift for granted. It has been another pretty smooth pregnancy on my part. I feel great, and love watching and feeling as my belly is getting bigger each day! Each week I am keeping track of the growth of my belly, and it is just amazing at how God has so perfectly designed everything so that within only 9 months, a baby is fully formed and ready to begin life in the outside world. We truly serve such an incredible God!
     We are still having frequent doctor appointments, but not as often as we did throughout the early weeks. Yesterday Noah and I had to go in for the super fun Glucose Test. Noah certainly loved all of the extra sugar! The doctor was able to find his heartbeat right away, and it was beating in the 140's! So thankful to be able to hear that strong heart beating away. We are also measuring right on target for 24 weeks. Each doctor appointment begins with incredible anxiety and worry, but leaves me with a huge smile on my face and peace in my heart. Praise the Lord! We are so thankful for every good report that we are given for Noah. Our next appointment will be at the beginning of July, and we will be having another ultrasound. I am so excited to see how much our little guy has grown since our last ultrasound at 20 weeks!
     We have slowly begun to do little things to prepare for his big arrival in September. It isn't always easy, but I am taking small steps in trusting that we are going to have a healthy little boy to take home. I have gotten everything all set up with a pediatrician for Noah after he is born, and recently started researching and registering for baby items. Yesterday I even bought the book "What To Expect, The First Year" so that I can start reading ahead this summer! Josh and I have also cautiously started talking about the future, and what it is going to look like with a new baby in our house. These are all small steps, but they also have been very exciting steps. It has not been easy to allow myself to trust, to hope, and to plan. It just seems downright scary at times. But each time I feel those strong kicks, and I look down at my ever growing belly, I realize that Noah deserves this. He deserves the very best that we can give him. I am leaning heavily on the Lord as we walk through each day, and I am learning more and more about trust with each breath that I breathe. It has been a journey that is far more difficult than I ever imagined, and yet I am so excited to see what God has in store for our family in the months ahead. We take each step trusting that He is faithful, and will guide us through whatever lies ahead.
     We would like to thank so many people for praying us through the past months. This exciting and scary journey has been such a blessing to us, and we are so thankful for all of the love and support from so many. We are thankful for the notes of encouragement, the questions, the congratulations, the excitement, and the prayers. We feel so blessed to have so many amazing people in our life!                                          Thank you!
     I would like to share a few pictures of the past few weeks with all of you! Now you can watch Noah growing along with me! 
 
 
20 Weeks
Halfway there!

22 Weeks

23 Weeks

23 Weeks
Having a little fun!