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Sunday, June 22, 2014

With Love




To our dear, sweet baby,

     Words cannot even begin to express the love that your mommy and daddy hold for you in our hearts. Right from the very beginning of your life, we felt such deep love for you. It was a love that held such beautiful hopes and dreams. We couldn't wait to meet you, to see your tiny face, to hold your precious little hands, and to see your eyes gaze up at us in wonder. As the days went by we began to prepare for our new family, a family that would so joyfully include you. We talked about what you would look like and the sound of your cry, we imagined your first smile, your first steps, your first tooth, your first birthday, your first day of school, and your wedding day, and of course all of the great milestones in between. We were filled with such love, such joy, and most of all such excitement to plan for a future with you in our arms.
     Our precious child, you have always been such a miracle to us. Even when the doctor's told us it was hopeless, and that you would not be able to survive, your mommy and your daddy knew there was only one way. We knew that we would love you. We would enjoy each and every moment that we were given with you. And we did. I would sing to you each and every morning as we went to work, I even knew which songs were your favorites by how you would move!  Your mommy taught you how to pump gas, bake cookies, wash dishes, fold laundry, and push a grocery cart. We would talk and sing together while cooking dinner, running errands, and sitting outside on the deck. Every night your daddy would sit right next to me and just hold his hand on my belly and wait for you to move around. We would both smile together as we pictured you wiggling around in there. And Each night we would lay together, just the three of us, and we would read a Bible story. We read to you about Noah, and Jonah, King David, Daniel and the Lions den, and about Jesus feeding the five thousand. Those moments together as a family were the best part of our day.
     My dear baby, even though our time together was too short, I thank God every day for the gift of 35 perfect weeks. During that time you taught me so much. I learned that every moment is special, and that we must cherish even the smallest miracles in life. You taught me how to smile from the bottom of my heart. My baby, you will never know just how much joy you brought to your mommy's life. Each and every day I couldn't help but smile through the tears, just knowing you were so close to my heart.
Most of all my little one, you taught me how to be brave. Your mommy is not strong. In fact, so often I felt so very weak. But just knowing that you were there, so close to me, and fighting each and every day, it made me strong. I needed to fight for you, because you were fighting to meet us. Even into the unknown moments right before you entered into this world, your mommy felt brave because of you. It was your life, the way you fought each and every day to prove to us that you truly are a beautiful miracle, that made your mommy strong.
     That moment your mommy and daddy met you for the first time brings tears to my eyes. You were so perfect. You were so beautiful. You were and will always be our greatest miracle. I remember saying to you in those brief moments"your mommy loves you so much." And I have never meant that more. It is so hard to walk alone now, with empty arms. But my sweet baby I want you to know just how much you were loved. Not only by your mommy and daddy, but by your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and great grandparents and so many more. We are all so very proud of you, and so thankful for the time we spent together. I want you to know the deep love that we have for you here on earth, but most of all I want you to know the love that God has for you. Because he gave you to us as a beautiful gift. And he loves you even more than we can. You my sweet angel are in a beautiful place. Safely wrapped in the arms of Jesus. As much as I ache to hold you close once again, I know that you are held safely in heaven. As much as I would love to kiss your little cheeks just once more, I know that God has placed a loving kiss upon you when he called you home. As much as I would love to see you smile, just once,  I know that you will forever be smiling down on us. My precious baby, I know that I will one day be close to you again. I know that I will once again be able to hold your hand. I know that I will once again be able to kiss your tiny little face. And I know this because one day, your mommy and your daddy will also be called home to heaven. And we look forward to that day with all of our hearts.
     But today and forever, we will thank God for the gift that you are to us. For the strength that you showed each day. For the joy that you brought to our lives. For the tiny movements, and our big smiles. You truly were our greatest miracle. Your mommy and daddy will love you forever. We will cherish each moment that we were given.  And most of all, we will thank God for giving us you, our beautiful gift from above.

8 comments:

  1. Just want to say what a beautiful letter. U are a strong woman and God bless ur heart. Ur child will know that it was loved by u and josh. U will always have a great heart. It will be watching over u!

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    1. Thank you so much. We pray with all of our hearts that our baby knew and will continue to know the deep love that we have for him or her. We are the ones who have been blessed by the gift God gave to us.

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  2. Unshakeable faith baby Mulder is what you havr taught me through reading your story. Such a beautiful love your mommy and daddy have for you. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your memory, rest in peace sweet angel.

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    1. Thank you for your beautiful words to our sweet baby. It is such an honor to share the story of our baby's life with you. It has been such a gift to us.

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  3. Praising God for this precious life, and praying for you as you grieve your loss.

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    1. Thank you so very much! We need the prayers now more than ever. Thank you so much for reading.

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  4. My prayers for u and your family during this difficult and trying time. May God wrap hiis loving arms around you and give you peace. But be reassured that one day you will get to see your precious angel.

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  5. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I pray that you will continue to feel God's love and peace in your lives.

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