Hospital Visit

     When I flipped the calendar to the month of May, I knew what was coming. There it was, in carefully written letters, Birthing Class. Back at the beginning of December I had excitedly marked this event on our calendar with such hope and joy. Knowing that by the end of May we would be so close to finally meeting our little baby. I had eagerly anticipated the information we would learn at that class. But now it is just a constant reminder of what we will not have this summer.
     Everything can change so quickly. Instead of going on a tour with other happily expectant moms and dads, we went on a hospital tour alone. Instead of being able to ask the normal questions, we had to ask the really hard ones. Instead of walking out of the hospital with a sense of anticipation, we left with heavy hearts. But no matter how difficult it was, I feel so blessed. 
     Josh and I did not have to walk through that hospital alone. My mom, his mom, and my sister walked right beside us. We had a very knowledgeable and sensitive bereavement coordinator who took us on the tour. She showed us through the hospital,  and answered all of our questions with such kindness. It was a blessing to be able to meet her beforehand, and know that she will be there with us when our baby makes it arrival. 
     I was very impressed with how prepared the hospital is for situations like ours. They have nurses who are specially trained for cases where the baby is not expected to survive. We were told that many of the nurses will come in and specifically choose to work with us, because of their training. This gave me such comfort knowing that we will be well cared for during the birth. They also have special rooms set apart where we will be during our stay. It made me feel better knowing that we will not have to be in a room next to others who are enjoying their new baby.
     At the hospital they try and make our time with the baby very meaningful.The nurses will make imprints of our baby's hands and feet for us to keep. And we will be able to spend as much time with our baby as we would like. They will also allow our family to come in and visit at any time of the day or night.
     Before going to the hospital I honestly had no idea of what to expect. Knowing that this is our first baby we are completely new to this in the first place. Giving birth can be very scary, even in a normal situation. It was hard for me to have so many unknowns looming before us. But I feel so blessed that the hospital is well equipped and trained to handle our specific needs. I feel so blessed that we met the wonderful bereavement coordinator who answered all of my questions and is going to be there to help us in the future. I feel blessed that Josh and I were surrounded with the love and support from our moms and my sister. I feel very blessed that Josh now knows where to go and a little more of what to expect at the hospital. Most of all, I feel very blessed that our baby is going to be treated with the greatest care and respect. 
     The whole birth is going to be dedicated to enjoying and celebrating the time we have been given with our beautiful baby. Although I have no idea what those moments will hold, I do know that we will spend that precious time showering our baby with the greatest love.