How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"
Isaiah 52:7
How can you not fall in love with something so incredibly beautiful! As she was looking around the lower half of baby's body it was the very first thing that I noticed. It is the most amazing thing in the world to realize that God is forming little tiny body parts inside the mother's womb. How crazy that it starts off as just a whole bunch of cells, and when it comes out it is formed into a beautiful little person. Looking at the pictures that we have from our ultrasound just makes me realize what a powerful and mighty God we serve. His hands are strong enough to protect us from harm, and gentle enough to create the smallest baby.
Every day I question why we are not able to be like everyone else. Why did God have to choose us to go through this painful journey. I do not understand why he would choose for our baby to have such a short life. It is so hard for me to accept. I honestly wonder sometimes what I did to deserve this heartbreaking path. I hate that my baby is fighting for it's life each and every day, and yet once it is born will never be able to experience the joys on earth. I hate that we should be shopping for a crib and baby clothes, but instead we are planning for our baby's burial. I hate that I have so much love in my heart that I want to be able to share with this baby forever, and I will not have that chance. I hate that so many people who love this baby will never be able to share in its life. It really isn't fair. I don't understand it.
Sometimes my heart just cries out for answers. If we have to go through all of this, why can we not understand why? It seems like this whole situation would just be so much easier if we could understand God's plan. If we knew the purpose for all of it. But honestly that is the beauty of life and being human. We are not God.
When I read that verse from Isaiah this morning I immediately thought of the beautiful ultrasound picture from our doctor's appointment on Wednesday. That incredibly amazing little foot with those five tiny toes. I could just stare at it for hours! My baby will never be able to feel the cool grass on those toes, or experience the waves rushing over those toes. But I do know one thing for sure. I am going to make sure that this little baby is able to bring good news to other people. I want my baby's life to proclaim peace and salvation to all who will hear. God chose to give this baby life. He chose to bring us into the situation for a reason. Although I will never fully understand why, I do know that this little life is a gift. It has been a great gift to us. I pray that it is a gift to others as well.
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ReplyDeleteEvery day, multiple times, I pray for you, Josh, your precious little baby and your extended families, How we wish we could understand God in times of sorrow and grief and pain. So often we just can not. In these times we have to trust in the God He says He is in His Word.
ReplyDeleteJeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
May God bless this precious life and those beautiful feet and through this child may God's Word be spread far and wide, way beyond what any of us could every ask or imagine.
My second cousin passed along your blog to me. I also had a baby that was termed terminal at a 16 week ultrasound. That little boy is now 9 years old. I have tears running down my face as I read your story because it so parallels my own feelings during that intense 9 months. I've recently written a book that I'm attempting to have published about it all. I'd be happy to chat if you're ever in need of an ear. My blog is jessplusthemess.com. My beautiful boy's story is on youtube, search Lucas Ronne. God bless you. Take one day, one moment, one second at a time. This too shall pass and you WILL see God's hand in all of it when you look back in hindsight.
ReplyDeletexoxo. Jess
Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for leaving a comment. What a beautiful story that you have with your son. I will certainly read your blog. I appreciate so much that you were willing to share with me. Your words are such an encouragement.
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