In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.
-- Eva Burrows
-- Eva Burrows
What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories.
-- George Eliot
-- George Eliot
Today I was just down in the dumps. I have realized throughout this entire journey that there are good days and there are bad days. Sometimes I wake up and feel very positive and ready to face the challenges of the day. Other days I am barely able to pull myself out of bed. I wish that I had the option to simply stay in bed. I wish I could pull the blankets over my head on the days that I just feel sad and depressed. But honestly that is not an option for me. I know that I cannot just hide my life away in bed. I know that I must face the world head on, no matter what I am feeling or thinking. Life does not stop when tragedy hits us. Life continues to move on, day after day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Life does not stop.
I cannot honestly say that every day ends up being good. There are just some days where I wake up feeling sad and afraid and worried, and I go back to bed that night feeling sad and afraid and worried. Those days are very difficult, and usually it takes everything in me to smile and hide my true feelings. But I expect those days and those moments. It is all a part of the journey. I sometimes get angry and ask God why I need to go through this. I sometimes get angry when I think that this should have been the greatest and most amazing moments of my life, filled with eager hope and anticipation of the beautiful future ahead. I sometimes get angry when I realize that I hate living day by day just wondering at what moment the tears will begin to fall. I sometimes get angry when I have to smile and pretend that I am doing okay, when really inside I am absolutely not okay. But once again, I realize that these moments, and these days, are all just a part of the journey. I cannot expect to be happy and joyful all the time. Actually those happy and joyful moments are only made better when they come in the midst of the really dark and shadowy days. God knows exactly when I need that joyful moment to get me through the day. He gives those happy and joyful moments to me often. I do not know what I would do without those moments.
The best part about the happy moments in the midst of sorrow is that you just never know when or where those moments will come from. Sometimes all it takes to put a genuine smile on my face is getting a hug from someone, receiving a thoughtful and heartfelt card in the mail, getting a text or phone call from a friend, or the touch of someone's hand on my belly. Just the simple reminders that there are people who love us and are thinking of us, it means more to me than I can ever express using words. God brings special moments and special people into our lives to bless us and support us through the darkest of times.
When thinking about special people I cannot even begin to express how blessed I feel to be a part of two wonderful and beautiful families. Josh and I would never be able to go through a journey like this without our families standing by our side. When we first found out that we were pregnant the very first people we absolutely had to tell was our families. In fact, it was nearly impossible to wait more than a couple of days before we just had to blurt out the exciting news! There was a lot of joy and excitement surrounding the announcements that we were able to make in the following months. We were all able to start dreaming and planning for the fun that was to come with the arrival of our little baby.
It was so difficult to have to share the news that we later learned with our families. It was so hard to tell them that the news was not good. It was so hard to tell them that the beautiful future we had all begun to anticipate may not turn out the way that we had all hoped. But going through terrible day I can say that we felt such love and support. Immediately our families wrapped their arms around us and held us up throughout that entire week. They were there for us, helped us pass the news on to others, prayed for us continually, cried with us, and just sat with us. In the blur of that horrible week I have the strongest memories of the beautiful outpouring of love and support that we received. How wonderful it is to be surrounded by the ones that you love.
It breaks my heart to think that our baby may never be able to meet all of the wonderful people that already love him or her. Our baby has the most amazing grandparents in the whole world! This baby is so blessed to have two grandmas and two grandpas who love our baby as much as we do. I love talking all about them to our baby each day. Even if our baby is never able to meet them in this life, I can guarantee our baby knows almost everything there is to know about them already!
Something else I never get tired of sharing with my baby (and yes I do talk aloud to my baby ALL the time!) is all about the craziness and fun that comes along with all of his or her aunts and uncles. Josh and I are both so extremely blessed to have brothers and sisters to love and annoy forever. I know I have already shared a lifetime of memories with my brothers and sisters! I had dreams of my baby meeting all of his or her aunts and uncles for the first time. I pray that we will still have that opportunity. But no matter what happens in those days to come, I know that our baby is so very blessed to have the most wonderful aunts and uncles in the whole world!
Going through a difficult journey like this really makes you stop and think about the importance of family. Josh and I are extremely blessed to have godly parents who have taught us so many valuable life lessons. They are there for us to offer advice, be a listening ear, give a hug, share a prayer, or just a quick phone call to see how we are holding up. Our parents have taught us the importance of having a strong marriage and also of having a solid relationship with Jesus Christ. It is through their example that Josh and I are able to continue on this journey not only growing closer to each other, but also to our Heavenly Father.
I am so thankful for the beauty of family. It is truly a blessing from above. Family has always been very important to me, but it has become even more important now. It is difficult to think about the reality that our baby may never have a chance to meet his or her grandparents and aunts and uncles. Right from the very beginning I could just feel how much this baby has been loved by our families. It is hard to think that we may not have a chance to share that love with our baby in a tangible way. But I do know that this baby will know each and every day how much he or she is loved. I never go a day without telling this baby how many wonderful people already love him or her, and who are praying for our family. It fills my heart with pure joy when I realize just how much Josh and I are loved by everyone around us, and how many people love our tiny baby as well.