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Saturday, March 8, 2014

Promise of a Lifetime


Promise of a Lifetime
 
 
I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I'm feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away

Then I remember the pledge you made to me

 I know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow
Through the change

I still remember the pledge you made to me

 I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside

And I am comforted
To know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

I know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
Looking back at me
I know that you can see my heart
is holding to the promise of a lifetime
 
                                                -Kutless
 
     This was the first song that Josh and I heard on the radio after leaving the doctor's office that Tuesday morning. Let me just say that we had managed to hold it together until those lyrics filled our car. Then the tears began to fall.
     The words we heard were so true for exactly what we were feeing inside. In that moment we were in complete shock. We did not know what to say to each other, and honestly I could not even look at him without breaking down. That morning everything had been fine, we woke up and said good morning to our baby, who at that time had held so many of our hopes and dreams. It only took a couple of hours for those hopes and dreams to be erased. How is it possible for your life to change in a matter of moments? But it can and it does. But I believe with all of my heart that God knew exactly what we needed to hear at that moment.
     When we walked into the ultrasound room that morning I know that God did not just leave us at the door. He did not walk away and say "good bye and good luck". God was right there in that room with us. Although my stomach was tied up in knots, and I felt completely helpless, he held me. God held us.
     As we began to drive away from the doctor's office, I had absolutely no words. I would have loved to have driven away with smiles on our faces, and laughter and joy in our words. To be able to walk away with pictures of a strong and healthy little baby was exactly what I had prayed for since the very beginning. But at that moment we knew nothing was going to be the way we had dreamed. Yet for the strangest reason, I felt the deepest feeling of peace surrounding me. I felt like I was being held in the tightest of hugs. Although my mind was racing and my emotions were right on the edge, I felt God's presence in a way I have never felt it before.
    When that song began to play I realized that no matter what we were going through at the moment, and no matter what the future held, God promises that he will always be there. God promises that he will hear our quietest of prayers. God promises that he will never walk away from us, even in the darkest of moments. Throughout that entire day I never once felt that God had walked away from us. Although I felt angry, he never walked away. Although I felt a sadness so incredibly deep within, he never walked away. Although I felt extremely confused, he never walked away. Although I felt completely numb, he never walked away. There truly was a peace that passes all understanding that guarded my heart and my mind that day.
     I cannot say what the future will hold for us, and honestly I am scared to death. But I am clinging on the promises that God gives to each of his children. I truly believe that he will never lead us into a journey of pain and sorrow without picking us up and holding us in his strong and loving arms. Throughout these moments I know that there is no place I would rather stay than in his safe embrace, holding onto the promise of a lifetime.
 
 
" And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
                                                Philippians 4:7
    
    
    
    

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