In Christ Alone

     Yesterday Josh and I were cleaning the house. Whenever we clean the house we turn up the music! Cleaning is always so much more fun when you can dance and sing! While I was cleaning the bathroom I heard the words to one of my most favorite songs start to play.

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

    

     The words to this song are so true. Life throws so many difficult situations at us, everyday. There are some days when everything is good. There are some days when we feel so much joy and happiness. Yet there are some days when nothing goes our way. There are some days when life just gets rough. There are some days we just don't want to do anything. But we have so much hope. Our hope does not and cannot come from ourselves or our situations. Because the honest truth is that there is nothing here on this earth that will give us true hope. We can only find true hope through Jesus Christ.

     If I could change our situation I would. If I could give my baby a beautiful life I would. If I could have a perfectly normal pregnancy I would. But I am at peace with where God has placed us right now. I am at peace with God's plan for our baby. I am at peace with the future that God has for Josh and I. This peace only comes from the hope that I have in my Lord.  I have the hope that God is holding my family in his hands. I have the hope that God is in control of the plans for our future. I have the hope that God will continue to be my comforter, my All in All, my strength, my Cornerstone, my solid Ground. What hope we can claim as children of God!

  

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

 

Never has this verse in the song held more meaning to me than now.  Right now death has become a very real reality for me. It taunts me everyday as I feel my tiny baby moving inside. But there is no greater comfort than knowing that our Heavenly Father is commanding the destiny of my little baby. From the very beginning of my baby's life God has been holding him or her in the palm of his hands. There is no fear in death. God has given this baby to us as a very special and very precious gift. But ultimately this baby belongs to the Lord. He will decide when it is time to call our baby home.

     It is hard to think that our baby may never have a first cry. Our baby may never even have a first breath. Although we pray earnestly each and every day that we will be able to enjoy even a few moments together with our baby alive. But what overwhelming and indescribable peace fills my heart when I think that if I cannot have my baby here on earth, my baby will be with Jesus forever. There is no better place than for him or her to be safe in the arms of Jesus. That reassurance fills me with a beautiful sense of hope and peace.

     But still I pray for a miracle. I know that we serve a mighty and a powerful God. I know that he has and that he can do great miracles. I believe with all of my heart that if it is in God's will to bring my baby to wholeness, then he will do just that. Yet the reality of our situation holds fast in my mind. There are no survivors of the Limb Body Wall Complex. Josh and I have seen on the ultrasound machines that our baby does not look like other babies. There are many severe complications that present very difficult challenges to our baby's life. It is so very hard to allow myself to hope for a miracle, when I know for sure that the odds are against us. But this baby has survived for 21 whole weeks! That is a miracle to me! God truly has a bigger plan for the life of this little one! I do not know what God's plan holds for the future, but I do believe that he has it all in his hands.